The grass is always greener advice

[LittleTom]

I've only been here for a little while, but I can tell that this group of people genuinely cares about one another. So, I thought I would share a bit about whats been on my mind lately. First off, I have been married for 8 years and with the same woman for 18. High school sweet hearts. We have a great life together, four kids a house, career's and a good love life. These last few months I cannot help but wonder if there is something better out there for me. It bugs the hell out of me because I should be grateful for what god has put in my life, but I cant help it. It also does not not help that another woman has been showing interest in me and making feel "desired" for the first time in a long time. Nothing has happened between us but it makes these feelings of wanting something else in my life more intense. If I play the tape all the way forward, I know that this is just a "grass is always greener" situation or perhaps an early (35) mid life crisis. I love my wife and kids and know my wife loves me. Any one else get this feelin this at some point in their long term relationships. Thanks for listing. LT

[BABY1]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Hang in there LT! AS we get older I believe it is when we TRULY find out who WE are. For me the starting point was about mid 30's also. Been with Fuzo 25 years and marriage sure has its ups and downs. When its good its AWESOME but when its bad it can be VERY challenging. Fuzo and I had great success with counseling and most of that I did by myself to work on "me". Do you both spend enough quality time together? I know that can be hard with kids but it is important. If you are still in love with your wife. do whatever it takes to get back to that spice. Is she feeling the same you think?

[BABY1]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

On another note, there isn't a person in the world that doesn't like to be flattered and that is perfectly normal feeling!

[guage]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

choices are a mutha fukka.. your not alone , sure it feels great to get attention from other females but man.. 18years for a role in the hay.. I don't know. I wouldn't want to start over that's forsure to find some one to put up with our crap that long might as well keep that around its a good thing unless life has another calling for you.

think long and hard before you make any rash decision with this one it could be a bit life changing

[BABY1]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Another piece of advice, while it feels good to get attention from other females, it also feels good for us females to get attention to. Make sure you are giving what you would like to receive. That goes for all of us not just you

[smalls1]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

I know where your coming from but you can't let thoughts like that dictate the direction of your life, sounds like to me you have it good right now. I personally wouldn't risk it, especially since kids are involved that could end up being a real bad situation. Good luck with the decision.

[LittleTom]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Thanks for the replies. In regards to BABY's questions about being in love, I'm really not sure if I'm just holding on to the idea of being in love or still am. That spark is defiantly diminished. We have a date night planed this week but I know we don't spend nearly enough time together. I work full time and am going to school. I try to romance her a bit but she's not a very playful seductive woman. Just not her nature. She's a very straightforward take care of business type girl which is good for our family. There is definitely some work that needs to be done. I agree with you guage that a role in the hay is not enough to toss a long term relationship out the window. I think most of this is just coming from a place of uncertainty and not wanting to feel how I do. I want to feel that that spark and be in love. My logical side says that I should just be satisfied with knowing that she loves me and not need to be seduced or chased after 18 years together. My helpless romantic side says that stuff is very important to me. I am also a realist and know this takes work and time. I guess what it comes down to is it just sucks. I know that the grass will grow where I water it.....

[jipped genes]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

good advice.

my wife and I to were together young. I have come to the conclusion that after 23 years of being with her, both of us matured into very different people than we were when we were young. I get what you feel. we become complacent in our relationship when we are so comfortable with each other.

i remember in the beginning when we would go to dinner and my stories would fascinate her and she would flirt with me and cause butterflies in my stomach. now romance is gone. we still have a good love life but it is more like, "hey our son is out with his friends lets knock one out"

not romantic

i have found that if i do work hard at it like i did in the start she reciprocates and i feel a bit of that spark. but i am just as lazy as she

you can take off and find a new gal, but it will end up the same after time.

hope you figure it out. if you do tell me.

[mikeyg51]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Brother, i have been in your exact shoes...I wasn't married with kids but I was engaged....I broke it off, I dated the girl giving me attention and that didn't feed the need like I thought...I only wanted more from a NEW one then! I had bad self esteem, thus getting called beautiful and getting attention was like a drug to me....Now, I am very happy i didnt marry that woman because we were all sorts of wrong for each other but let me tell you this: you are correct, I presume, in your self-assessment of the situation. The attention will feel good but then what's next?! it won't be enough from my experience. If you have a great homelife then you are a lucky man I keep dating and not finding it, hopefully this woman I met recently fits the bills lol...

Not sure if that made sense but I know I can relate to what you are going through...it is natural my friend!

[MrzDiva]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

My cousin is going through this situation right now except he's acting up on it.. He's been with he's wife for 18 yrs and has 4 kids.. He can't make up he's mind.. He's wife and family of 18 yrs for a woman who is already/still married and has 2 kids as well.. He has known this woman for only 4 months and he can't decide what he wants ?!?!?!?!?! Seriously ?? This seriously pisses me off.. Being one that has walked and been in the situation of a married woman who's husband as well couldn't decide what he wanted so I made the decision for him.

I agree with the advice you have been given .. Just for the attention and the feeling of being wanted by someone knew feels good but that feeling will go away and then what? You've risked and ruined your marriage and family for a cheap thrill. Its not worth it.. I've been seperated for 5 yrs now and every time my ex comes over to drop of money he still asks me to return to him.. He has a gf but you can tell he's not happy and wants he's family. But for me the betrayel was too much and even worse on he's only daughter.

[MOUNTAIN-MAN]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Well I'm old school I married the woman I love and made a promise to love and take care of her till death. That being said we have up and downs I have other girls look at me she has men looking at her but we don't act on it in fact we talk to each other about it. We find it faltering that others take intrest in use and know we much be lucky and blessed to have each other. We have over 12 years invested in each other and we know we don't wanna throw that away. What ever u decide I hope that it is the best decision for everyone involved brother

[Torres]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Shit man I flatter MYSELF , when I look in the mirror !!!
LT , ull be alright . I'm prob the young buck here , 4 years in and def not an easy 4 yrs either .
But u gotta find how to spark things up , change things up , after being together for a while things turn stale .
U get used to certain things. Trust I'm there , I don't go out as much as I used to with her but I still surprise her w things , little mini getaways , special dinners , crazy sex , good shit !!! That will make things a lot more different bro !!
Ull be good !!!

[hicktown]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Brother, i have been in your exact shoes...I wasn't married with kids but I was engaged....I broke it off, I dated the girl giving me attention and that didn't feed the need like I thought...I only wanted more from a NEW one then! I had bad self esteem, thus getting called beautiful and getting attention was like a drug to me....Now, I am very happy i didnt marry that woman because we were all sorts of wrong for each other but let me tell you this: you are correct, I presume, in your self-assessment of the situation. The attention will feel good but then what's next?! it won't be enough from my experience. If you have a great homelife then you are a lucky man I keep dating and not finding it, hopefully this woman I met recently fits the bills lol...

Not sure if that made sense but I know I can relate to what you are going through...it is natural my friend!

My man, we are in the same boat. Ive been dating like crazy this past year and i end up just going through the motions just mainly to get laid and its been plenty easy for me. My ex was someone i wanted to be with forever but she didnt feel the same way. Everytime i meet a new girl im like wow so im always looking ahead at what may be next and move on to the next girl. I was never like that when i was younger maybe im just more confident in myself and its alot easier. I get a rush out of meeting new girls therefore i never stop to get to know anyone. This was a little off topic but LT i know how you feel when youre a romantic and that spark is no longer there, that would just about kill me. I have that need of being wanted and that lovey dovey stuff ya know?

[6p6]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Man let me give you another point of view. I've always been a guy who challenges the grass is always greener...I want to see for myself. That being said I'd say run man. Run from those feelings and embrace what you have. Digging into this feelings is like opening Pandora's box. Once it's opened you can't close it. I've had a to start over a few time in my life and it sucks ass.


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[animal87]

Re: The grass is always greener advice

Give it time. If you are meant to be together, things will be good or better. If things fall apart later, then think about your choices. Once you make this choice you cant go back.