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Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS
good mechanically, lol
see machines can't talk back to him, he takes his own time, and works on them at his own, pace, and since machines work in black and white terms that fits his thinking patterns
honestly, it's a big decision making issue, he makes decisions based on least amount of pain, almost always, he has a hard time understanding others emotions, even his own, so it's super hard too change
here's a couple of suggestions:
1. Stop the trailer talk, or any talk of failure, that stress's him out too the max and makes him shut down, not listen to you. For most of us it's a joke, for him it's a trigger that instills fear, cause he knows he's avoiding the issue and the day of reckoning will come and he's not prepared.
2. Over the next 3 months, yup, 3 months, try and spend a few hours alone with him a week. Just you and him, either going to dinner, lunch, or some guy ****. When your alone, praise praise praise praise praise him, criticism changes almost no one, no way. Try and point out the good things about him that you see and know are valuable, good bet he hasn't heard words like that in 4-5 years. Listen to what his thoughts are on this and that, and do not tell him he's wrong, just say hmmmmm, that's interesting, or tell me more, or that's a unique way of looking at things. Again, you want to understand him first before you can help him.
3. Talk about all the great benefits of being an adult with a good career and family, and the most important things in life and why.
4. Tell him you proud of him for even the smallest of reasons, drugs, saying thank you or whatever.
Persist with this plan, and report back, lol.
I know it's a pain, yet, have a good history of it working very well, just takes time.
After we know how he thinks, then we can start to teach life lessons in ways he understands them.
good mechanically, lol
see machines can't talk back to him, he takes his own time, and works on them at his own, pace, and since machines work in black and white terms that fits his thinking patterns
honestly, it's a big decision making issue, he makes decisions based on least amount of pain, almost always, he has a hard time understanding others emotions, even his own, so it's super hard too change
here's a couple of suggestions:
1. Stop the trailer talk, or any talk of failure, that stress's him out too the max and makes him shut down, not listen to you. For most of us it's a joke, for him it's a trigger that instills fear, cause he knows he's avoiding the issue and the day of reckoning will come and he's not prepared.
2. Over the next 3 months, yup, 3 months, try and spend a few hours alone with him a week. Just you and him, either going to dinner, lunch, or some guy ****. When your alone, praise praise praise praise praise him, criticism changes almost no one, no way. Try and point out the good things about him that you see and know are valuable, good bet he hasn't heard words like that in 4-5 years. Listen to what his thoughts are on this and that, and do not tell him he's wrong, just say hmmmmm, that's interesting, or tell me more, or that's a unique way of looking at things. Again, you want to understand him first before you can help him.
3. Talk about all the great benefits of being an adult with a good career and family, and the most important things in life and why.
4. Tell him you proud of him for even the smallest of reasons, drugs, saying thank you or whatever.
Persist with this plan, and report back, lol.
I know it's a pain, yet, have a good history of it working very well, just takes time.
After we know how he thinks, then we can start to teach life lessons in ways he understands them.
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