THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

[trip]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

dave,

well, realize, i know almost zippo about your son

In general and a best guess, he's what I call......Hypersensitive

Meaning he feels emotions on a higher scale than most, maybe 5-10 times more powerfully.

Since in general we take more action to move away from pain, than too seek pleasure, this type of sensitivity, leads a person too almost always put him or herself in situations where there is the least amount of probability for anger to appear, anger really stresses them out.

Good things and bad things, they usually need very little to be pretty happy, emotionally they can block alot of **** out that would normally bother the average person, they are very black and white as too what makes them happy or not, they can hold out alot longer than most folks on "waiting **** out" than most all of us.

Because their emotions are so strong, they tend not too listen to anyone else's opinions information, because they have that black and white thing going on.

Oh, they usually only need one or two friends, no big groups for them. Tend to be pretty loyal in general.

Usually but not always, in early childhood there might have been some type of really big emotional trauma, or learning disability, that kind of put their set point for fear way up high, and thus always on the look out for it.

They tend to think no one else feels the way they do, and really are very misguided in how other people feel and do things in their life, because we tend to thing most folks are like us.

closer?

[powerlifter22]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

Dave you have to thros his ass out on the streets as soon as he turns 18... i used to be like him and once my parents threw me to the curb and i hit rock bottomi learned responsibility really fast

[supasaiyan99]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

Sorry to hear that bro. I'm not sure what to say since I'm not a parent. I honestly doubt he'll change until he is put out on his own. Some folks just have to learn the hard way!

[daved150]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

wow...lmao...ME NEXT, ME NEXT!!!! damn...he runs with 1 or 2 kids at a time NEVER with a larger group. he's not very loyal thou...when he finds a new friend, one of the others are pitched to the curb...he's a friend ho!
maybe his mom and dads divorce phuqed him up a little, but i'm not sure...me and his mom got together when he was about 19-20mo's old. he never knew them together. me and his dad are friends. his mom and dad are still friends. no one bashes the other. and up until he was 16, me and him were very tight!!
but, you hit it pretty damn close...you sure i dont know you, lol

[daved150]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

i gotta wait till he finishes school before i can throw him out...i cant let him drop school!!

[pigmeat]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

I dont know Dae...i grew up on a farm, so i worked everyday almost since i was 6-7 years old...always some kind of chore to do, then could play...Also my Dad tld me to do something, i did it or i got my arse kicked so hardi made sure to do it the next time....didnt take to many arse kickings to remember, so i just did as i was told...when i was 17, i thought i was bad and tried the old man, but after spitting out 2 teeth, i never made that mistake again....i dont resent my dad for that either...made me a better man...we are best friends and always have been....even after all the ass kickings, i wasnt mad...if i had done what i was told, it wouldnt hae happened

[trip]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

what are his strong points, what are the good things he does, etc., any special talents, and school stuff?

[superdog]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

Def take away that phone, internet. Ground him, plus give him a 7:00 curfew. Take away his house key and lock the door at 7:30. If he gets upset, give him somthing to read.

Then after a day or two when he`s feeling the squeeze make sure to help him along the road to success. Get in the car with him Friday afternoon and start driving, if you see a pizza hut ask him "do you like free pizza?" he says "yes". Stop, go in and get him a job application. Next shop, he and you go in. Get 10 apps, then buy him some dinner and tell him to forget about the 7:00 curfew this weekend. Help him fill out the apps (do 5 each) while you`re eating dinner.

The next day, drive him to drop off the apps. If the driving takes 2 hrs, give him 15 bucks and ask him "was that so tough? at 7.50 an hour you could have 150 bucks in your pocket every Friday if you only worked 4 hours a day" Smile, tell him you love him and you only want him to be happy and sucessful.

Help him with references, use your pastor or a family friend. Try to go to shops that you know he likes when you pick up the apps. If he likes clothes, go to the mall. If he likes food, go to some fast food joints. If he likes music take him to record stores. Help him make a basic resume, even if you type make sure he`s sitting next to you giving you the answers.

Follow up with him, if you get a call at the house, make sure he calls back and practice the call with him (pretend your the manager & ask him questions) before he calls so he`ll have confidance on how to answer the questions he`ll get.

The day he gets a job, reward him. Give him that phone back plus some. When I got a job my dad told me that I could drink a couple of his beers from time to time when I wanted to because I was a man now, I didn`t need to ask just don`t take too many and never take the last one. It felt cool.

[daved150]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

I dont know Dae...i grew up on a farm, so i worked everyday almost since i was 6-7 years old...always some kind of chore to do, then could play...Also my Dad tld me to do something, i did it or i got my arse kicked so hardi made sure to do it the next time....didnt take to many arse kickings to remember, so i just did as i was told...when i was 17, i thought i was bad and tried the old man, but after spitting out 2 teeth, i never made that mistake again....i dont resent my dad for that either...made me a better man...we are best friends and always have been....even after all the ass kickings, i wasnt mad...if i had done what i was told, it wouldnt hae happened

dude...i grew up on a horse ranch!! 23 horses!! i know exactly what you mean. and my dad had whooped the shyt out of me a time or 6, but i deserved it, and i love that man to death. my wife too grew up with horses and other animals...i remember getting up at 9 yrs old, 5am, cold as hell, busting up the ice in the water buckets and feeding the horses. i had to do it that early to give them time to eat, becouse i had to let them out before i went to school!!
it's not the same...i cant even get him to feed the phuqin dog...my other 2 kids are way diff!! always have been...trip seems to understand my kids mind set, i just dont know how to use that info to my advantage...there's something to be said for a good azz whipping....i will admit, i'm alot, ALOT more strict on my young ones....moral to the story...beat your kids...beat them today!!! before it's too late!!! lol j/k

[pigmeat]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

dude...i grew up on a horse ranch!! 23 horses!! i know exactly what you mean. and my dad had whooped the shyt out of me a time or 6, but i deserved it, and i love that man to death. my wife too grew up with horses and other animals...i remember getting up at 9 yrs old, 5am, cold as hell, busting up the ice in the water buckets and feeding the horses. i had to do it that early to give them time to eat, becouse i had to let them out before i went to school!!
it's not the same...i cant even get him to feed the phuqin dog...my other 2 kids are way diff!! always have been...trip seems to understand my kids mind set, i just dont know how to use that info to my advantage...there's something to be said for a good azz whipping....i will admit, i'm alot, ALOT more strict on my young ones....moral to the story...beat your kids...beat them today!!! before it's too late!!! lol j/k

this Generation is alot diffrent...i think all that "imeout" instead of a spanking in school started it..hell, my principal had a paddle and would whip your ass...i get alot of thes 18 year old kids come work for me in the Mine, and quit after a few days because i work them too hard...lazy bunch of kids

[trip]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

nah,

To Lead, First You Must Understand...........

About 20% of kids, old 80/20 rule, are just hard as hell to understand. You're son sounds exactly like my cousins son, her and husband great parents, people, successful biz owner, real estate investor, coached all the kids sports etc. 3 are just great kids, odd one out, quit high school etc. etc., not troulbe or bad kids, just no direction passion etc., has lived off friends, on couches, etc. at 26 he's finally making some progress

[daved150]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

what are his strong points, what are the good things he does, etc., any special talents, and school stuff?

good things....good things...good things...yea, i got nothing! talents...oh, he can smoke his mom out of 10 bucks at the drop of a hat...he text messeges ffaster than anyone i've ever seen.

truth be told, he's very good automotive wise. very mechanicaly (sp? whocares) inclined. and honestly, thats about it. the problem is all the garages wont hire him becouse of insurance.
honestly, he's never finished anything he's ever started...i know thats not gonna translate into the working world very good. i try telling him that, but he dont want to hear it

[T-Man007]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

I don't know what to tell you bro, my step father was full blooded Italian and no way did I have the balls to pull some crap like that. Even when the day came that I knew I was becoming the alpha male (due to size) I still knew better than to pull some crap like that. My dad put the fear of God in us when we were little and I never forgot it. I was very rebelious as a kid but if my dad said cut the grass, I cut the grass. I might have negotiated doing it later in the day when it was cooler, but I still cut the grass. My dad, just like you, busted his ass to provide for us. He never let us down once, not ever and I always respected that in him.

With that said, we went through some tough time and if I wanted money, I had to go earn it. I did lawn mowing for the neighbors, I went around and spray painted the house numbers on people curbs, I raked leaves in the fall, I worked for the money I spent and I had to do it around sports. Oh yeah, I had to pay for most of my sports stuff too. My mom would pay for the shoes, but if I needed any additional pads for football or additional shoes for track (I was a sprinter and a shot put guy) I had to buy the other pair. I learned very early that I had to work for what I wanted. My parents gave me $10 a week and that was for lunch (so I could eat two lunches a day-lol). Other than that, I had to earn any additional money I wanted.

Your success in business has allowed you to be able to give your family more than they need, which is a blessing. But, from the behavior of your son, it looks like he has taken it for granted. If I was you, I would do this:
1 - no more spending money, period! He gets lunch money and that's it.
2 - give him a list of things he can do to EARN money and the pay schedule of thos things. If he needs $20, then he better go cut the grass and weed eat.
3 - tell him it's this or go find a real job and you or your wife will give him a ride there. Don't even let him borrow the car. Make him to where he 'feels' dependant on you and if he's any kind of a man he will want out from that feeling. Men, like yourself, don't walk around with the attitude of entitlement. You don't act as if any owes you, if you want it, you go earn it and he needs to learn that character trait.

Hope that helps bro. When my son gets to be in his early teens, I will do whatever it takes to set him up to be on his way to self employment. I will teach him how to get the business, how to get referrals, how to keep his clients happy and let him run with it. If he wan'ts spending money, he will used the tools I teach him. A young child during the summer can mow one lawn a day, 6 days a week and make $150 a week at the minimum. That's $25 a lawn. All he would need is 12 clients and cut the lawns every two weeks. A kid that sticks with this can earn $1,800 during the summer. You get to be outside, it's only a few hours of work and it's good money. And, people would much rather pay the neighborhood kid that some company that will charge double. At least, that was my experience. So, maybe you should buy him a lawnmower and say 'here you go, this is the answer to your money problems. If you are smart, you will make a lot of money. Good luck'

Best of luck to you bro, but I know you can do it, you just have to do it with tact. Make it something he wants to do. You know, like one of your customers, they want a car, but it's your job to make them want the car 'you' have. It's the same with kids, they have to be convinced they 'need' to do it or they 'want' to do it. You cut off his money, and he will realize it soon enough. No one want's to hang out with the broke guy who never has any money. His friends will quit haning out with him if it costs them money.

[Corrodo]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

Good advice guys...Amazing actually. Couldnt add anymore to it if I wanted it. Good things happen to good people and we all go through our own BS. I think he will find out soon whats its all about...Being on my own since 17 I learned REAL quick!! But it took me a few years to "get it" together and not rely on my parents...You got some good advice here and some planning to do..

[daved150]

Re: THOSE WITH OLDER KIDS

Good advice guys...Amazing actually. Couldnt add anymore to it if I wanted it. Good things happen to good people and we all go through our own BS. I think he will find out soon whats its all about...Being on my own since 17 I learned REAL quick!! But it took me a few years to "get it" together and not rely on my parents...You got some good advice here and some planning to do..

ya know, i moved out at 17. i had survival skills. i cooked, cleaned had a job, could do the wash..i was doing it all since i was 12! he has none of it....i struggled too...i had to put my hand out here and there and ask my old man for some advise, guidence a few bucks, whatever...i'm scared for that kid...really. everyone says just toss him out...man guy's, even though, i admit, looking from your point of view, that would be my siggestion to you, but...it's not that easy, and i'm very, VERY cut and dry, and it aint that easy....