ALCOHOLIC FATHER

[apbt549]

I have an alcoholic father he has been that way ever since I can remember.. he always worked and worked his ass off. we moved to s fla from Mississippi when I was 1 and he was a rough neck(worked on the oil rigs). he would always come home drunk. then the oil rigs shut down and he got a job with the government. but still drank and a lot. it would take him an hr to drive home from work and when he got home he couldn't walk straight down the hallway.. he would get mean as hell when he was drunk.

when he would walk in the house at night you could just look at him and know what kind of night it was going to be your best bet was to leave him alone and he would pass out in the lazyboy. he would get up at 5am the next morning like nothing happened.. I remember when my bother and I was 12 or 13 he would take 2 weeks off in the summer with us to do stuff around house and was our job to make sure he didn't drink and make sure he ate breakfast and lunch. if he didn't it was going to be a rough night.. I remember my mom locking him out of the house several times. he would go out to his truck to get something and leave his keys in the house out he went she would get up and lock the door and he would spend the night outside in his truck. then get up and go to work..

I was in high school at work one day and got a phone call they found your dad passed out in the back yard.. oh shit ran down to the hospital thought maybe my dad had a stroke.. nope he was drunk and passed out in the back yard..

when I turned 23 I built my own house and got away from that. then my mom and dad moved over by me and my mom stayed with him. one of the hardest thing I have ever done in my life my mom called and asked if I could come over and help my dad swap out a garage door opener motor.. told her sure went over after work( mind you he was working on this all day unbolt the old unit from the ceiling and bolt in the new one) very simple.. I went up the ladder and started to un bolt the old one and then he starts talking about my brother and I fighting him I was like what? I am here to help you with this opener. then he kept on after a few mins I got down from the ladder and told him to fuck off I didn't need this shit and went home.. that was very hard to do..

well my mom and dad got divorced and he re-married a drinker just like him. I didn't talk to him bc they came to my house one time drunk as shit I told him don't come back to my house like that.. didn't talk to him for 10years then his new wife called me 2 yrs ago telling me about his health problems and he has dementia. so I went over to see him and he looked rough he aged a lot in those 10yrs..
I talked to him but very limited. like once every year or so.. then last night I get a phone call from LE at 1am asking for me. I thought he was dead. nope got picked up on DUI so I bailed him out and picked him this morning then took him home and his wife was telling me how he got shitty last night after drinking all day and then left to go get more beer then she called the cops and on his way home down the street from there house they arrested him. then she told me she wasn't going to argue with him bc the last few times she did that he hit her..

I told her I will be a part of his life but you are to not buy him any more beer and I asked her do you drink she said yes I told her not anymore.. if I stop by in 2 days or 2 weeks and I find beer or wine here I am done. don't call me when he whips your ass or gets arrested..

I don't have a problem with beer or anything I like to go to hooters and eat some chicken wings and drink a cold one..

my dad is 68......am I wrong?

[apbt549]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

I gave his wife my cell number and told her he gets out of hand and hits you call me.. I said that in front of him.. told him you want someone to beat on i'll come over and you can beat on me..

I told him that this morning dad you didn't raise that way why would you do that to your wife? he said it was an accident.. I said 3 times?

[apbt549]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

he had 5 brothers and one sister and there all dead from drinking...

[Dzone]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

What a tragedy. He is lucky at that age that his body hasnt just quit from the constant drinking. You did the right thing. If she thinks she can still drink and he cant then she is asking for trouble. Those two need to get the hell away from alcohol or they will be dead from it. Good luck and hope it works out for the best

[ZOOT]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

Tough and sad situation. I sincerely hope this can get turned around, but it will be hard. Do an intervention. At 68 death is prob on doorstep from all these years of abuse. I wish you luck my brother.

[guns01]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

you did the right thing man. it is hard to deal with people when they get to that point and even more hard when it's a parent. i would suggest an inpatient stay if at all possible. that way they may be able to get him detoxed and taken care of. that may also look good with the pending dui charge as well

[BABY1]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

How hard to have grown up and see years of that. I am thinking that as a grown adult you have some knowledge about the disease of alcoholism. I don't think anyone here could say you are wrong for what you did. I also thinking that people who have any sort of addiction Want to stop, don't want to abuse, etc. it's all up to them thought and it's never to late. I hope this doesn't continue for you. Everyone has a choice..,stop or not, leave or stay. Those choices aren't easy but it is entirely up too that person. Have no regrets and do what you feel is right

[apbt549]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

you did the right thing man. it is hard to deal with people when they get to that point and even more hard when it's a parent. i would suggest an inpatient stay if at all possible. that way they may be able to get him detoxed and taken care of. that may also look good with the pending dui charge as well

I put up bail for him and I plan on going to court with him and I really don't want him to have a driver license. I told his wife to stop buying beer she said he would drive to the store and get it when she was at work. I told her I will come over and remove the starter from his truck..

I might look into that.. he has penision from working for the government for 20yrs then he was in the 101st airborne. he got in the army in 66 and got out in 72.

guns your a army guy how do I find out where he was and where he was at while in Vietnam?

I got his fort polk La year book and also a 101st 1968 year book also

[apbt549]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

How hard to have grown up and see years of that. I am thinking that as a grown adult you have some knowledge about the disease of alcoholism. I don't think anyone here could say you are wrong for what you did. I also thinking that people who have any sort of addiction Want to stop, don't want to abuse, etc. it's all up to them thought and it's never to late. I hope this doesn't continue for you. Everyone has a choice..,stop or not, leave or stay. Those choices aren't easy but it is entirely up too that person. Have no regrets and do what you feel is right

thanks baby.. I look at it this way.. you put your family on a table and you put beer on a table and you can only have one and he has always choose beer.. that was why I haven't talked to him those 10years..

when he wasn't drinking man he was the best father a boy could ask for. he would work all day on the oil rig in south fla and come home and take me and my brother to pop warner football hell he did that for 4 years or better. but if my mom didn't stay on him it was on..

I don't and wont deal with bs like this in my life..

thanks for the support guys..

[Dzone]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

There are so many horrible things about alcohol that I hate that I could go on and on for hours. It is hands down one of the worst elements of our society and our culture. Imagine how much pain, misery and suffering could be avoided if it werent for this deadly poison.

[Mick]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

Sorry to hear this brother, I totally understand where you are coming from. I also love a cold one at hooters with some wings!

I could tell my story but this is your thread, I hope all get's better for your dad bro .... Best thing to do is try to get him some help but some things never change.

Change is very hard for a lot of people and very hard for people to stick to and not go back and repeat their normal lifestyle.

I wish the best for you and your family.

[guns01]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

I put up bail for him and I plan on going to court with him and I really don't want him to have a driver license. I told his wife to stop buying beer she said he would drive to the store and get it when she was at work. I told her I will come over and remove the starter from his truck..

I might look into that.. he has penision from working for the government for 20yrs then he was in the 101st airborne. he got in the army in 66 and got out in 72.

guns your a army guy how do I find out where he was and where he was at while in Vietnam?

I got his fort polk La year book and also a 101st 1968 year book also

shit man, get him to the freaking va and have them treat him. dont let them give you any shit either and if you get the run around, call you senator or state reps office immediately. as for finding out about where he was, you can try the hq department of the army and the records branch there. i unfortunately retired from the marine corps so i dont have any first hand experience dealing with army admin stuff. the rest of my family on the other hand was army and one navy. my grand father actually retired from the army and served in korea and a couple tours in vietnam. from his experience while i was growing up he had a hell of a time getting his records straight from vietnam and all the battles that he actuallly participated in. he was lucky that he kept most of his paper work but some he didnt have took years to prove he was there. same went with injuries he sustained in combat and on active service. they lost some of those records and tried to screw him.

get ahold of your local va, they will help you with him and it shouldnt cost a dime. old man, went though some issues with ptsd and would check himself into the clinic from time to time. they helped him out a lot in the area where i grew up

another thing about getting him into the va which helped my grand father out was it seemed like him being around all those other old guys was good. he didnt actually know or serve with any of them but the bond was always there and he always came back much better

[Dzone]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

I probably hate alcohol more than anyone I know. Maybe I should say its drunkenness I hate, since I dont mind other people drinking ...but I wont buy it for you and if you come to a party at my house, youre only getting water lol

[apbt549]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

shit man, get him to the freaking va and have them treat him. dont let them give you any shit either and if you get the run around, call you senator or state reps office immediately. as for finding out about where he was, you can try the hq department of the army and the records branch there. i unfortunately retired from the marine corps so i dont have any first hand experience dealing with army admin stuff. the rest of my family on the other hand was army and one navy. my grand father actually retired from the army and served in korea and a couple tours in vietnam. from his experience while i was growing up he had a hell of a time getting his records straight from vietnam and all the battles that he actuallly participated in. he was lucky that he kept most of his paper work but some he didnt have took years to prove he was there. same went with injuries he sustained in combat and on active service. they lost some of those records and tried to screw him.

get ahold of your local va, they will help you with him and it shouldnt cost a dime. old man, went though some issues with ptsd and would check himself into the clinic from time to time. they helped him out a lot in the area where i grew up

another thing about getting him into the va which helped my grand father out was it seemed like him being around all those other old guys was good. he didnt actually know or serve with any of them but the bond was always there and he always came back much better

thanks guns I will try to call them over the next day or so and try to get him some help..

when I talked with him today about it I was looking thru his 101st year book and he pointed out a section in there about LRRP said that's what he did. he never really has talked much about it and my mom said when he came home she would wake up in the middle of the night and find him balled up sleeping in the closet. I don't feel his time over there is what makes him drink its a family thing...

I would like to get more info out of him to let him now I am proud of him for what he did for a war this country doesn't seem very proud of.. he's never talked about his time over there or what battles he was in.. I bet in my 42 years he hasn't said more then 10 things about his army career..

I am going to try and find him things to do beside sit at home and drink.. might go get him sat morning and go to breakfast at 7 am or so and stop by the house I am building to get him out and doing things..

thank you all for the support...

[BABY1]

Re: ALCHOLIC FATHER

thanks guns I will try to call them over the next day or so and try to get him some help..

when I talked with him today about it I was looking thru his 101st year book and he pointed out a section in there about LRRP said that's what he did. he never really has talked much about it and my mom said when he came home she would wake up in the middle of the night and find him balled up sleeping in the closet. I don't feel his time over there is what makes him drink its a family thing...

I would like to get more info out of him to let him now I am proud of him for what he did for a war this country doesn't seem very proud of.. he's never talked about his time over there or what battles he was in.. I bet in my 42 years he hasn't said more then 10 things about his army career..

I am going to try and find him things to do beside sit at home and drink.. might go get him sat morning and go to breakfast at 7 am or so and stop by the house I am building to get him out and doing things..

thank you all for the support...

there is a lot of support/organizations out there for Vets. I have come across a lot after I helped search for my relatives. In reality. the older our parents get, the harder it is to get them to change much but if it were me I would give it my all to. I have really come to believe that addictions of any kid are often a result of deep inner pain. Now this is just based on experiences I have seen with family. Spending some time with him is a great idea I think but just remember to take care of you. I always tried to educate myself about things with people so I could better understand them and myself. If you have any interest in reading, I have just gotten done reading one of the best books I have ever read. It helped me with myself and also helped me look at people in a different way. A large part of it does discuss Veterans and after they come home from deployment and or war.

Hang in there, we are all here to listen. If you are interested, shoot me a PM and I will let you know the book title.