my wife is killing me!!!

[daved150]

i love that girl, but she's driving me nuts! we have an opportunity to get involved with another biz. if i wasnt doing this, i'd persue that. it's in the field she's in now. it's a partnership, one of wich they (the investers, my family) only want her to invest sweat. they will also, in turn, pay her DOUBLE what she makes now. my wife is good...damn good. the company she's at will never allow her to advance past where she is at now (it's owned by other relatives that are intimidated by my family...long story). she wont get anymore raises. they dont trust her. they DO let her come and go as she pleases...it's a case were, they would love nothing more than to blow her out, but, they know, they'd be jacked if they did...the company revolves around her. well, she dont want to do it...she wont even talk about it. this is a BIG financial opp. for us! my brother/dad is handing this too her!! this is not a get rich quick scheme. this is a biz. that she knows inside out. in a field that she is already so very highly respected in! it takes about 250k to start up, and it'll be flush with 400k in start up cash!!! i have a feeling that it's partly nervousness with my lott, thats to blame (not like she'll talk about it). she's affraid to make a move...to take a shot...security, i believe is the problem. i'm not wired like that....i grab and go! i roll the dice, and hope i dont crap out!

[jamescb77]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

man it's sounds like an oppurtunity that you really can't afford to not take man. Try and sit down and really talk to her if she can double her earnings then it will take more pressure off of you with the new lott. Do you mind me asking what field and what kind of business thios is.,

[trip]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

is this a question or a venting steam, lol

what's the biz, and future and how secure is the future

[daved150]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

it's a truck driving training school...long story short, my 2 brothers, dad and a guy that married my aunt (some would say he's my uncle, but he's not!) started one of these. in a series of moves my uncle pushed one brother out...then me and my dad. then he baught my older brother out for a mil. he (my brother) refused to sign a no compete, but convinced this turd that he had no more intrest in anything like this again. welp, he lied! too much money. y'all wouldnt believe me if i told you, but it's very good money in a state that jobs are hard to find, in an industry that continuees to need 400k drivers every year! you have state aid for students. ford, chrys. and gm aid. uaw aid, teamster aid and student financing that is VERY forgiving! my wife is the office manager, and the liason for all the aid programs! she does account payable, and recievable. manages the contract and has just started doing some collections. she's what we call "a mule"...you can load her up with anything, and she performs better and better. my dad and bro are offering double, just in salery. plus, a percentage of the company. plus bonuses!! my family loves and respects my wife, and they will not do this without her! (unless i want to close shop and do it...witch i really dont!)

[daved150]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

...oh, just a hint to the need of these students. truck driving companies have begun to, not only, pay tuition re-imbursment to the student, but pay the school 500$ for every student that stays with them for 90 days!! just that alone at 90-100 students a month adds up!

[trip]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

well, imho, she's scared right now, her oldest starting to venture, all new and different, your job, while similar, responsibilities are new and different

right now she values, security and freedom, thus it's not the money, it's the threat to those value systems

and as far as biz goes, i know all the stats, as a good friend of mine says, right pew right church

maybe focus on 20 years out, how much she will own, what happens, when the biz is passed on, you and her only working 33% of time, the rest holding hands and vacationing, a legacy for your children

she knows all the facts of the bizness, so she doesn't have to be convinced of that

as always, lol, I do not know your wife, yet, i'd say the hang-up is security issues, and big ones at that

perhaps with the family have a "failure plan" that she can buy off on, like if your biz goes kaput, and the trucking goes kaput, we will do xyz for so long, until you find a job you like at more money than you were making

also, tell her all the ways she will be great and excel at it, give specific, specific specific examples of her big wins, not just your smart and good u can do this, more like remember when xyz happened, and because you did abc and were commited too it, hik happened that was 3 time more than u thought all becuse of u

good luck
how's the kid

[kite]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

I agree with trip, it's prolly a security issue. I wouldn't pressure her too much Dave, it'll just cause more friction. If you guys could sit down and have a civil conversation, weighing the risks to beneifts, without her feeling like you're pressuring her, it may help.

[superdog]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

Sounds like you`ve got some emotional history with her current employer. If you really think it`s best for you and her for her to leave then you should convince her that this isn`t some type of strike at her current employer.

You couldn`t blame her for being loyal to the people she spends 40+hours a week with.

Give her the anology of a trial lawyer having to leave his firm to get a step up. Nothing against the old firm, he`s just out grown them.

[trip]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

very good point superdog,

yeah, u might not likeem, but she might be pretty loyal do to lot's of stuff

and like kite says, u can't pressure, that makes things worse

[daved150]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

she is too loyal. thats a fact. and i do believe it is security issues. she does not see the talent in herself, and i do not hesitate to tell her of them....the future thing....yea, you'd think that, that would be the way to go. you'd think that is the area in which she would look at the long term. nope! not her. she thinks in the moment, 100%...money wont be her motivator...not even security for us or the kids future will motivate her to step out of her comfort zone. it's 100% comfort. she is loyal, but she cant stand the man either. she dont have to see him but 1-2 times a week, and he steps on egg shells around her becouse she might pop (italian temper!!). co-workers...a mere 2-3 she is close with. the ones that she considered freinds have quit! i have talked to a couple of them, and they are in, if she is!!
i dont know...comfort...stress of my lott starting up...security. whatever....we need to do this. it's the right thing for us to do!

trip...kids doing 1/2 ok. when i get sometime i'll hit ya with a pm...

[trip]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

Is she non-confrontational?

If so, new challenges, new settings are 100% fraught with confrontation all the time, until routine settles in in 4-6 months.

If so, it's perception, deep seated of the emotional cost of confrontation right now, ie, major pain, versus future pleasure.

hey, 1/2 way there baby

[daved150]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

Is she non-confrontational?

If so, new challenges, new settings are 100% fraught with confrontation all the time, until routine settles in in 4-6 months.

If so, it's perception, deep seated of the emotional cost of confrontation right now, ie, major pain, versus future pleasure.

hey, 1/2 way there baby

non-confrontational?...that'd be a nope! she'll let shyt go for awhile, then spew it all back at ya at one time! she's not intimidated by who or what you think you are...if she believes she's right, your in for it! we've been together for 17yrs and i still dont understand this about her...it may come down to the fact that she just does not like change! so much so, that she'll sacrafice money, security, and/or our future! sounds dumb, but it just seems that way!..i dont know...there's gotta be something i'm missing..it's too cut and dry...it's too much of a no brainer. she's worked with and for my dad in the past, and loved it! they do make a good team! she's always said he was the best boss she'd ever seen...soooo, if thats not the prob....?

[daved150]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

While I don't think your dad and brothers can or should discuss the more 'intimate' details of this i.e. her need for a sense of security. Do you think it would help her to hear from one of them as someone had suggested the specific talents and skills she that she has that make her valuable to them. She wouldn't be hearing it from you as her husband then and perhaps she wouldn't think they were just doing her a favor? I dont know being new here it is hard to know everyone's dynamics.

The other thing that comes to mind is asking her if she would be happy in a different type of atmosphere. As you present it, it doesn't sound like a great place to work. People don't always realize what an impact a negative work place environment has on them.

And, I think just for you to also recognize that whether or not it is good for us, for some people change is hard and chage is scary. While that is close to security, its really a different thing. I mean think about life in general. People stay in all sorts of situations be they bad relationships, work situations, or whatever because they are scared of change. And maybe letting her know if this is relevant that you respect that and will be there to support her.

Hope27

my dad trips over her...they've worked together in the past and he has told her of her importance to him (he has told me, witch i will not tell my wife, that if she dont do it...he's out!, but he'd NEVER hold it against her!!) my dad has told her of her importance...she know's it's no favor.
the job thing...i've been trying...you guy's dont realize, everyday, EVERYDAY, she comes home frustrated and upset with that place!! it's all i hear about after my day!! all night, till bed time!! i soooo much want to just jam her with a "the get the f*ck out!!! you got the op. quit being stupid"...but, i'd never do hat. it wouldnt workout that well for me, lol
change is hard for her....i dont understand that. i dont have that prob. she knows i'm there...and i have told her

[trip]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

get a video camera or tape recorder and film, tape her rants without her knowing it

then when ur having a drink over the weekend play it for her, and say this is what i hear xyz, that's why i think not only good for family, me, most importantly u

normally would not suggest such a situation yet, get a sense she would not feel violated

okay, you don't see her as non-confrontational, yet she holds stuff in and then unloads all at once and over, okay, just she do this with all other people and just not you

is she in general aggressive or passive type

see it's kinda hard to get a feel for things, you're open here in this forum, yet, it seems even u hold some things back from her, or it could be me, maybe you don't yell at her like in the post above but you have discussed it talked about, let her know how u come home and see her stressed out every night

also, is it possible, she's really really really freaking out inside about your change and just not saying squat cause she doesn't want to disappoint u or hurt u, so she is venting in other ways?

[daved150]

Re: my wife is killing me!!!

"also, is it possible, she's really really really freaking out inside about your change and just not saying squat cause she doesn't want to disappoint u or hurt u"

i could buy this for sure

"seems even u hold some things back from her, or it could be me, maybe you don't yell at her like in the post above but you have discussed it talked about, let her know how u come home and see her stressed out every night"

nah...she knows...even before this op. came up, i've told her to quit and stay home...me not hearing the crap everynight is worth you not making an income!! (ofcourse at the time i was 6 figures deep). she knows i dont WANT to hear it, but i do, without tude, becouse i know it's healthy for her to vent it (save her from bottling it up and taking it out on me!! lol)

the camara thing, she wouldnt get mad...i taped her snoring one time so she start using those nose strips!! she laffed...wore them for a week, then said "get over it"
i think i'll try that, but i'm pretty sure she knows she complains about the place...we've talked about it before..


"okay, you don't see her as non-confrontational, yet she holds stuff in and then unloads all at once and over, okay, just she do this with all other people and just not you"

she does that with all...she'd do it with you. she takes a certain persons "shyt" for a little bit (maybe a week, maybe an hour) and at some point, she's had enough!! the guy she works for now has fired her 2x's. once becouse, after some bullshyt story loosely related to a working situation he tried to pawn off on her, she called him a liar. told him she couldnt trust a word comming out of his mouth. he fired her and rehired her before she hit the door.
the second time is when she hammered him for going out with female employee's, gossiping with them, and going back to work and reacting to their gossip, witch was half truths and guesses...he didnt like that.
both time were a couple years ago...now he avoids her.