WTF?!?!?!?!?

[DJDIGGLER]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

Do you guys every go through phases where you can't say or do anything right with you wife?

Please help!

T

First off if you both need to agree beforehand that if you get agitated at each other to hug each other for a minute. Sometimes closeness makes you realize that this is the person you love, and with that you will either tone the argument down, or realize it's pointless to argue over whatever it is you are arguing about.

Secondly if you continue to argue and you butt heads because your both hard headed, try going in seperate rooms and writing down what your problem is, then also write down why you think the other is mad at you, and finally a solution to both your problem and her problem.

Third, If it seems like your both not understanding each other stop your wife and say "I want to explain what I think you are trying to say to me so you know I understand you, then If I do understand you correctly, I'd like you to explain what I'm trying to say to you." When you do this you more times than not reveal that one or both of you was not listening properly to the other, and you get to see how the other interpreted your complaint.

Last and not least realize that sometimes many fights over the period of a few weeks can be the result of bottling up emotions. You both need to sit down and see if either, or both of you is bottling stuff up and taking it out on the other one.

Hope this helps bud!

[AlmostThere]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

Between her miscarriage in August and my torn Achilles in September, we used up the entire $5,000 deductible on our insurance and work was slower than normal last year. So, this stress is on both of us and it makes the smallest things into big arguements.

It's just hard when you are stressed out about stuff.[/quote]


You know what your problem is already . The same thing that causes most of us to fight with our wives. Stress
Money problems are the worst lots of hidden anxieties there. Learn ways to mange the stress in your life and to recognize that you arent really upset at your mate.

I am terrible at lashing out at my wife for little things to blow off steam. Same with the kids. I say things i dont mean to much. I m learning to control it.
This isnt much but it helps. After one of my fits when i realize what i did. I tell her you know i didnt mean a
word of that i cant help i am an asshole but i am tryin forgive me baby. Thats usually the end of it right there. If your wife is hard headed like mine theres always boxing gloves lol. She always feels better after whailing on me with huge over sized gloves while i make like shes kicking my ass.

[daved150]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

t, i hate to here that...me and my wife went through that aftr about the 4th or 5th year. my wife always had a hard time understanding the meaning behind my comments. i tend to be a smart-a$$...no, really, lol. she miss took alot of what i said. it still happens, but not as bad. at one point, i used to tip toe around things i thaught would cause a fight.
you just have to pick your words more carefully...i think out my responces on serious discussions with her, before i open my mouth. i dont want a little stressed subject to become a fight. i tell her i'm doing that also...i say to her "hold on...let me put this the way i mean it, without offending you" after all, it's never really about anything that would destroy the world...it's not life or death, and she is not just some guy i disagree with. i tell her that i respect her, and dont want to hurt her...i tell her that everytime we get into an argument t...and, if i say something nasty, or hurtful, i quickly appologize...some guy's may say that i'm being a wuss...i refer to them as "my divorced or single friends"..
just make sure that she knows that even though you may disagree with her, her opinion is still important to you.
our big problem...the one that almost broke us up, was that my wife thaught that i was cheating on her...all the time. for years!! that, was a whole diff. thing. we almost couldnt pull out of that nose dive!

[diggi]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

sorry to hear that bra..

sometimes it just doesn't matter what you do..even if you agree..whatever she says..swallowing your pride and all.. these fights start and then they accumulate..causing for more serious fights, disagreements which most likely ends up in breaking up the relationship.

If you listen and do whatever she says..like Mikey said..its good and all but you are her husband.. you are the man..and you are the BOSS! period... therefore you can't be sooo whipped whatever she says.

[daved150]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

If you listen and do whatever she says..like Mikey said..its good and all but you are her husband.. you are the man..and you are the BOSS! period... therefore you can't be sooo whipped whatever she says.

ummmm..i'm thinking your probobly a single guy?? if not...you got an lawyer on retainer, right?

[a-bomb83]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

GOOD THREAD! MY GIRL AND I HAVE BEEN DOING THAT THE PAST COUPLE DAYS. JUST WHEN I FEEL LIKE BREAKING UP WITH HER OVER IT, SHE MAKES ME REALIZE THAT I DO THAT EVERY SINGLE TIME WE FIGHT. ITS HARD FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT FIGHTS HAPPEN BECAUSE I'M SUCH A LAID BACK PERSON. I'M GONNA TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT, HOPEFULLY THAT WILL HELP HEAL SOME ****.

[mtnmedic]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

Im feelin' the same thing as sachet. maby y'all are needing a lil space, not like move out space. but some time to yourselves maby ? jus something I've allways run into myself. be patient, and remember silence can be golden.

[T-Man007]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

Thanks guys, very good comments from many of you.

We had a long heart to heart talk last night and everything is cool now. So, I know what she wants and I know what has been bothering her and she knows what has been bothering me and we made some agreements about those things. I'm going to do what I can about me and she's going to do what she can about her. It all boils down to piss poor communication and not spending any quality time together. As a women, she wants to feel cherished, which I drop the ball on all the time. I mean, if she were to talk to people I know, she would be fine but when it comes to her, I forget to tell her how important she is and all that. Women need that and most guys don't, so we forget to do it. LOL

The things that sucks is I used to be the most romantic guy on the planet, now I just don't do that stuff and that's what she misses. Little hand written notes or poems, flowers, cards, basically all the stuff I did when we were courting, and now no longer do. LOL It's funny how we get women attracted to us by doing all these things, then once we have them, we quit and then wonder 'what happened' when they want out. Well, basically, we gave them the old bait and switch. It's true. We sell them on all these intentional sweet and caring things that make them feel like they are on top of the world, then once we have them, they become lowered to a roommate with sexual priviledges.

The moral of the story is: always court your mate, always. Do the things you did when you met for the rest of your lives. Never assume your mate knows you love them, make sure they know it with actions and words.

[DJDIGGLER]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

The things that sucks is I used to be the most romantic guy on the planet, now I just don't do that stuff and that's what she misses. Little hand written notes or poems, flowers, cards, basically all the stuff I did when we were courting, and now no longer do. LOL It's funny how we get women attracted to us by doing all these things, then once we have them, we quit and then wonder 'what happened' when they want out. Well, basically, we gave them the old bait and switch. It's true. We sell them on all these intentional sweet and caring things that make them feel like they are on top of the world, then once we have them, they become lowered to a roommate with sexual priviledges.

The moral of the story is: always court your mate, always. Do the things you did when you met for the rest of your lives. Never assume your mate knows you love them, make sure they know it with actions and words.

Very very well put!

[diggi]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

ummmm..i'm thinking your probobly a single guy?? if not...you got an lawyer on retainer, right?

I'm not single.. but I'm not married yet..

I'm just speaking from personal experience ..after being burned a few times..

[solidground]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

seems like you know what to do bro..gl, and dont be too proud to talk to a pyschologist if you think you need to- its very helpfull just to get an outside view from a professional once in awhile

[T-Man007]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

seems like you know what to do bro..gl, and dont be too proud to talk to a pyschologist if you think you need to- its very helpfull just to get an outside view from a professional once in awhile

I totally agree bro! I can't tell you how much it helps to have an outside person give you their perspective. I've done that before and it's worked wonders. The thing is, they tell you what to do....you just have to actually do what they tell you. LOL That's where I keep dropping the ball. I can do it for a while, then I get lazy, then we get disconnected. So, I'm going to have to be very intentional with letting her know how much she means to me and all the over stuff will fall into place. I remember one counselor telling me this "I've never met a women who committed adultry that said they felt loved by their spouse, not once." It's BIG stuff for them. But as guys, we basically jsut want to be respected, so we aren't wired to be love givers. So, we have to work at it.

Thanks again for your insight bro!

[trip]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

it happens to me with long term clients

for months it will feel like i'm not getting thru, i'm patient and listen to all their problems that could have been avoided etc. and then it seems when i hear the same thing for the 100th time i snap, or get snappy

usually i find, cross fingers, it works out for the best on both sides, cause we both take a time out, most times it ends up me saying, "do you know how hard it is for me to support you 100 times when you don't listen to me, etc. etc."

and like i say, it clears the air, and we get back on the page

also, i notice it happens, when i'm stressed tired or out of sorts

and i follow what dave and jipped do, so i've got the the technique, it's even then every now and then i fumble the ball

i'd say, if you're "quick to respond" or quick brained, or fast brained, like you yell out the answers on jeopardy before others, u need to almost find a technique or two that works for you, like when a batter goes thru a routine before he bats, that warm-up that puts him in that mind frame

my little signal that i notice, is that rather than letting others completely finish what they say, i kind of jump on the last 25% or so, cause i've heard it before, etc. that's really a bad habit that causes more problems

overall you're doing great, didn't let it fester, and know what's what

good luck

[daved150]

Re: WTF?!?!?!?!?

i'd say you got it all worked out!! great to here!