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Take it easy bro. Think with your mind straight on your own interests. Def at least talk to a good attorney. Even if you just set up an initial counsult visit. He/She will at least let you know the best options for your own benefit.
I really dont think there is another guy... well im not positive, but we are somewhat open with our marriage.... we dont SWing per say... but were not a classical marriage. That doesnt mean she might not have found someone else..... but i believe she would tell me. She swears it has nothing to do with this.
Also for the most part we get along great.... most of her excuses are based on me..... im not motivated enough in life.... i do not have enough passion in life. I do not share in her enthuiasim for certian things.
the bank thing went like this....... when she dropped this bomb on me... friends and family advised me to secure a little safty money.... i took about 1/10 of our money and put it aside, just incase i found myself on the street. She freaked out, so i put it back to defuse the situation, and also because i was hoping to never need that money...... later that day she cleared that account.... sent me an email saying she wouldnt screw me over, but she didnt trust me and was holding it until i could prove what part of it is mine.
All these things she is saying, Im sorry to tell you, but there is someone else. Women dont leave unless there is someone else or they are severely hurt.
Wow, sorry to hear that lxorl. I remember when I joined the boards you would post pics of you and her all the time, seemed like a very happy couple. It seems like thier are some "motives" behind what your wife did to you, I would try to talk to her friends and family, maybe you could get some information on why she did this.
"I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a sacrifice -- the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask"?
ROMANS 12:1
The fact that she wiped your account dry tells me something else was going on. Did she have a drug problem possibly? Owe anyone money? Somebody else she might have met? It is very strange to drain the account without even talking about it. However, I think you could sue her father and her for court costs and the mortgage money and account funds.
Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. George Washington
I do not condone the use of, nor do I use anabolic or androgenic steroids. My participation on these boards is for informational purposes only. I have done extensive research of AAS and enjoy discussing them for role playing enjoyment.
If there is no contract on the home and the mortguage was made by her, you could get half of that equity, but if it is only like 5k or alittle more then hell with it. Now how much she took from your account, now that is a dif story. it all depends on how much that amount it. Like it said to you, id leave the house and not pay another dime, find a nice little apartment and go month to month while looking for a state that has good employment in your field and housing, but get an attorney Ixorl for your own benefit to protect what she "says" she won't go after, cause in my experience words don't mean a damn when someone is getting a divorice and her attorney isn't working on your behalf.
I dont like the sound of everything, seems like she's been scheming for some time and she's weighing the pro's and con's right now. I wouldnt show any emotion, just cut and run for a bit like she says she wants to do and then see what she does. Chances are she'll come back, but dont let yourself simmer on the back burner while she's "finding herself"
Yes! Very good point. I had a situation with my wife, before we were married, and she told me she didn't want any contact and all this other stuff. Well, I gave it to her. I gave her exactly what she wanted, space, and it drove her crazy. She broke down when she realized I wasn't going to chase her. It was very very very hard but it was well worth it. Had I kept chasing, who knows, she might have kept her distance.
I used to have superhuman powers....until my therapist took them away.
Just spoke with my lawyer again after our phone conversation, You may not be entitled to half the equity in the home since her father is using it as a tax shelter and its all in his name BUT the money that was in the bank is Half yours (at least in the state of Georgia). Could be different across the state line where you are but here its considered "Marital Property" and its to be split 50-50. I know its probably mostly her money in the acct. but it will be her (her family) getting the benefits of the equity in the home not you so take what you can any means necessary. I've gotta work tonight so I'll call you later.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage and Strength to change the things I can...And Wisdom to know the difference."
lxorl-
Ok, based on reading your additional posts, I think there is someone else. She is telling you all these things YOU aren't doing that she wants. Well, someone must have these things or else whe wouldn't have a comparison. What I have learned from many different counselling sessions is this; women need love, attention, recognition, security and companionship. If she feels that you (actually, this goes for all us men) are not delivering in one or more of these areas she will get by for a while. However, the moment someone comes along to fill one of those voids it's big, really big to the woman. IMO, someone has showed her more of what she wants than you have been giving. It's not that you can't, you just haven't. But, what she doesn't realize is this other person is in the courting phase. In the courting phase WE go out of our way to make sure we cover all basis with women to please them. Eventually, this will die off and she will realize her mistake.
With that said, you have two choices. First, go your seperate way and make her go crazy with wonder. Don't chase her. Second, go to her and show her you have passion. Passion for her, passion for life and a passion for a life with her. Tell her to put down in writting what she specifically wants you to work on and do it. At that point, she will either come clean about what really going on or she will be over joyed with your effort. If you honestly feel this is your soul mate, then go with number 2. Show her you are willing to work your ass off to make her happy. You don't play games with your soul mate, you show them respect.
Lol, 007 i undersand what you are saying, but if shes already cleaned his account and is out of the house, i think this is delebrate and very well planned out. She has know for some time what she is doing. I feel very strongly that there is another person involved. In my experience women will never ever tell if they are involved with someone else, especially if they plan on divorice. If he starts kissing her ass, she will get even more turned off. I don't think there was too much of Ixorl's money involved with the house. I would go after the account monies though especially if there was a verbal talk of options on the home. First step is to make an appointment with an attorney. You would be foolish if you didn't.
lxorl-
Ok, based on reading your additional posts, I think there is someone else. She is telling you all these things YOU aren't doing that she wants. Well, someone must have these things or else whe wouldn't have a comparison. What I have learned from many different counselling sessions is this; women need love, attention, recognition, security and companionship. If she feels that you (actually, this goes for all us men) are not delivering in one or more of these areas she will get by for a while. However, the moment someone comes along to fill one of those voids it's big, really big to the woman. IMO, someone has showed her more of what she wants than you have been giving. It's not that you can't, you just haven't. But, what she doesn't realize is this other person is in the courting phase. In the courting phase WE go out of our way to make sure we cover all basis with women to please them. Eventually, this will die off and she will realize her mistake.
With that said, you have two choices. First, go your seperate way and make her go crazy with wonder. Don't chase her. Second, go to her and show her you have passion. Passion for her, passion for life and a passion for a life with her. Tell her to put down in writting what she specifically wants you to work on and do it. At that point, she will either come clean about what really going on or she will be over joyed with your effort. If you honestly feel this is your soul mate, then go with number 2. Show her you are willing to work your ass off to make her happy. You don't play games with your soul mate, you show them respect.
Good post, double o
One note of caution here, since we are not there it is always best to take folks at their word. I know it is tough sometimes, yet, there really is no option.
If she says there is no one else, the best bet is too believe her. T-man is right women, and even men expereince love in several different ways and we can get by when 2-3 ways we expereince it is lacking in the short run, in the long run, when problems of life and dreams and goals continually pop up, that difficiency seems to be important and we tend to focus on it.
The one thing I read that has some merit is the Passion Issue, like most emotions this is a tricky one. Inside you may be passionat on a scale of 1-10 up to an 8 yet on the outside if you never show it people may only experience it from you to a level of let's say 3. Whereas the other person may internally be and 8 and also externally an 8.
The divergence in value unsettles most folks, especially if you're a passionate folk in general. The general thought which turns into a believe over time, is that the other person is not trying because they do not consistently SHOW it verbally and action wise. Which again does not mean that person doesn't feel it, just that the other person doesn't see it enough to make them feel secure.
The other guess is that your wife has brought up this Passion Issue lot's of times, and ultimately there has been no resolution.
For some folks it is very hard to show their passion about things cause often times lot's of folks criticize them about their passions, so rather than having them re-inforced they feel bad about them. How many times do weighlifting guys get branded and criticized, and put down for zillions of reasons. Being an iron man is a lonely road cause you work out alone for the most part, having a different eating plan, for health rather than pleasure etc.
I for the most part do not talk about my training and eating unless it is with other iron folks, cause otherwise most conversations turn into people defending ill informed opinions that have no basis in fact, that there is no way I can change there mind, so I just do not ever bring the subject up unless specifically asked.
An example with a spouse or partner might be, you compliment her on her dress or haircut and then she says, nah no i don't i look like crap you're just pacifying me, words like that do not inspire another person to go the extra mile to support another when all they get for their effort is to be told they are wrong.
See it get's a little complicated. Everyone wants the same thing yet the way to the goal get's murky.
Long term habits believes are tough to break, it is why we hire coaches and see counselors to help us through sticking points and to be our best. And also to have a good support system to remind us the things we did do right and continue to do right when the going is tough.
There is nothing wrong with feeling sad and bummed right now, it's 100% normal. The immediate future will not seem good, yet, knowing you you will make it through and be better in the long run, the short run will just be filled with lot's of painful lessons, that you will one day cherish.
I'M SORRY TO HERE THIS BRO....I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WAS YOU....BUT, ALOT OF GOOD ADVISE AROUND HERE...AMAZING, SO MANY CARE! I'M SURE IT'LL WORK OUT, IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE IT'S ALL GOING DOWN VERY ODDLY!
HE WHO MAKES A BEAST OF HIMSELF, GET'S RID OF THE PAIN OF BEING A MAN!!
hey guys.... really appreciagte the advice... lots of good info thus far.
to follow up... i really dont feel that she has found someone else.... but someone mentioned that when a woman feels she isnt getting one aspect she needs , she searches elsewhere.... that could be happening. we chat and flirt online with various people.... and as said these courting guys say all the right things....... i have been with her for a long time now, and im sure i dont say all the right things at the right time...... but i dont think she is really cheating outright. However she was talking to a guy at one point that got a little more that just flirting..... she had him believing that we were separated and that they might try hooking up..... so to that degree yes there are other guys...... but flat out cheating, no i dont think she is. I think its just signs of bigger problems.... problems she has with herself, and with me.
as for the attorney.... there really isnt enough money to fight over..... i would lose money if i faught it..... I will talk to one to make sure my ass is covered.... but even that cost more than i want to spend on it. I am basically hoping that i can convince her and her dad to give me a % of what i feel is mine...... if i can atleast have enough to get me on my feet than i would rather go that route.... im not trying to make this uglier and dragg it out any more than it needs to be.
we are going to a counselor.... but neither of us want to work it out at this point..... its too far gone as far as I am concerned. im more worried about gettting back on my feet.
I'm Just an old chunk of Coal, But I'm gonna be a DIAMOND some day.
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to change the things I can...And Wisdom to know the difference."
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