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byron i dont know u as well as some other memebers here but your a good person. MICK-G advice is right on here. even though ive not been thru this myself someone close to me has. good luck to ya . anything i can do let me know!
I gotta say, "Man, I don't even know you, and I like you alot, lol."
Why...
1. You're smart as a whip
2. Funny as hell
3. Loyal as all get out
4. Open and accepting outlook
5. You got after what you want ( action oriented )
6. Not afraid to change, you have made some great strides over the years
It's pretty simple, all the others posts are correct, go get some professional help.
It is not that bad of a thing, what's going on is you have a blind spot or two that you are not aware of that you need help finding and learning about. All of the other posts about success stories after constant turmoil and struggles eventually ended up at a point where they confronted and learned about a blind spot.
Since you're very smart, it's a high probability bet, you will uncover the blind spot and have success in dealing with it, like the hundreds of other success's in your life. The question that looms, is it now, or some time in the future, one year, 3, 10 or fifteen, which at those points there is going to be a 1,000 more regrets you will have to face and deal with, cause you care for others those regrets will not go away, and that's a mountain of pain you will have to climb that is higher than the himilaya's.
Here is the door you are looking at.
FEAR OF CHANGE: Anticipation of Pain if something is different.
What is the different thing, gosh, that you are a real person that is not perfect in any way, and the thought that how could some other person love something that is not perfect.
Listen, Byron, we all struggle each and everyday, even me, none of us our perfect, one of the easiest things in life is to accept the imperfections in others, and one of the hardest is to accept the imperfection in ourselves.
We have this hamster on the wheel thought that never stops, "Hey, if I could just do this or that, get here or there, then walla, I would be perfect and all in my life would be good and I'd finally be okay with myself, get rid of that damn fear."
That, Byron, that hamster in the wheel thought is total 100% illusion and not reality. Because once you get there, have the prettiest girl, that million dollars, best job or fancy house, we find out, hmmmmmmmm, things don't make us happy, darn it.
It is not what we have or what we do, yet, How we express who we are through those things.
Most addictions are based on the fact that the addiction allows us to AVOID the reality of our own emotions. And for most it's a fear of not being good enough, and always under consant and internal emotional stress and duress trying to hide that emotion from the rest of the world. We kind of think others are all that, and if people knew us, they would find out, we are not anywhere near that at all, again and illusion.
You can be successful with this, cause pretty much all humans have this road to hoe, it is the most common lesson if personal growth.
We are all behind you and pray for your success, you are one of the good ones.
Sorry, no maybes here! Make an appoitment to either a treatment clinic or a qualified substance couselor today. If you are drinking like that you have a serious problem end of story. Like i said you have to be the one to make the change. This is nothing to blow off. If you have to, tell your gf that your going to make an appointment and make the appointment while she is there so she can verify it, and make sure she makes you follow thru on it. You need a kick in the ass, bro, so get off that ass and start....now! Look in the phone book and make some calls to some hospitals so you can find the best facility, or go to bcbs.com in your state. You might be able to find a substance facility in your area there.
ByRon, listen i not trying to be a tough ass, but you have to start being more responsible for yourself and your actions. It hurts your loved ones when you do these things.., So you really need to get your shit together and no feel sorry for yourself, as there are many ppl in much worse circumstances than yourself. Quit worrying what other ppl think and make the changes. If there is something you don't like about yourself or your environment take the steps to make things different. You must make a step in taking ACTION every day or you will not reach your goals. You will be much happier with yourself and your life when you do, trust me...and ppl do care about you.
trip bro i have read that post of yours 4 times now as i keep reading the whole thread over and over reading micks and everyone elses post i am going to beat this i ma taking it one day at a time and working on things and am gettting help! THANKS A MILLION guys
ByRon, these guys have given you a lot of good advice I would suggest going to AA meetings to help you cope with your issues and your drinking. Its always good to have a support group that you can call at anytime if you feel like drinking. Your gf has stuck by you through a lot of stuff be honest with her you can hide from issues.
Just remember have some kind of support group somedays will seem easier then others and then there are going to be those days where life seems to sh*t on you and you will want to drink that is when you need someone there for you.
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