Leaving your final impression in a relationship

[new231]

TweetI know this should go into the dating forum but my buddy needs some advice before 9:00 tonight (2-24-04) and I think it will get more views in this forum. I have a friend who has asked me for some advice and I told him I will get all of your opinions and pass them along to him. Here is his situation:

He has been dating a girl for over three years. He was really in love with her the first two years and did absolutely everything for her to show that he really cared for her. Then his feelings for her started to go away. He says the feelings that were lost were mutual and he could feel that both parties didn't feel the same about each other anymore. Nothing was ever said to each other, they just slowly drifted apart because of their same daily routine and things they did together. She just wrote him an email this morning saying that she wants to talk about something, and it is kind of bad and he feels in his heart that she is going to call off the relationship. He told me that he is fine with that. But here is his question to me: He really wants to know what last impression he should leave of himself on her mind. If he says only nice things she will always remember him as being a very nice and caring guy. If he say that he always loved her and treated her very well and will be devasted by the break-up, he would show he still cares for her as a friend. If he says the truth (that he really hasn't loved her for a while) then he might come across as a jerk whenever she thinks of him in the future. Should he say that he lost feelings for her more than a year ago, even if that sounds kind of mean.

I know from my personal experience that I had an ex girlfriend who took care of my ass for 5 years straight, and she was very kind and generous. Then she cheated on me and married the guy and now whenever I think of her the one bad moment she did always outshines the 5 years of care.

[71olds442]

Tweeti dont understand why he feels the need to leave an impression. does he care for her as a friend? if so, then they should be friends. if he thinks she sucks, then they should go their seperate ways.

[new231]

TweetI don't think he wants to be friends with her right now. Who knows about the distant future though.

[mick10-07]

Tweetbeing friends with a girl you like makes it weird. You both know what you really want, but no one will step up to the plate. Play possum, let the girl approach you, dont get suked right in.

[Extranero]

TweetTell your friend to tell her that he respects her decision, that he's sure she's thought about it and that even though he might have wanted something different if she feels that they should break up there's probably a good reason for it.

yada, yada, yada along those lines. He should stress that he respects her decision, they love that.

This gives him the 'high road', still allows her to stop by for a quicky once in awhile and may get him some action with her girlfriends...

[new231]

TweetI think he will like taking "the high road" and possibly getting some in the future.