TweetBASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN TORONTO


1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Toronto driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Ontario is a no-fault insurance province and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in Toronto during rush hour.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Toronto driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Toronto is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Provincial Highway Department, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

12. It is traditional in Toronto to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green.

13. Remember that the goal of every Toronto driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

14. In the Toronto area, 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite Toronto salute. This gesture should always be returned.

15. At least four more cars should proceed on a left after the light turns red. If you fail to do so, you will be rear-ended.

16. The highways can also be used to dispose of any messy garbage that may be lying around. These items are better off cluttering the side of the road then cluttering your car's interior where they may distract you and cause an accident.

17. If someone cuts you off you should return the gesture by speeding around them on the right, pulling in front of them and slamming on the brakes. This works even better when your car is of lesser value.

18. Never make eye contact with another driver when passing through Scarborough. Nuff said!

TweetAgain, I'm from Seattle but do a lot of biz in Toronto, this came from one of my pals "up" there:



You know your from Northern Ontario when ...

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a logging truck
on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going to Sudbury for the weekend.

3. You measure distance in BEERS

4. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.

5. You often switch from heat to air-conditioning in the same day.

6. You use a down comforter in the summer.

7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a
raging blizzard.

8. People wear hunting clothes at social events.

9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

10. You think of the major food groups as moose meat, fish, and
blueberries.

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.

12. There are 4 empty cars running in front of Canadian Tire at any given
time.

13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow.

15. You think lingerie is tube socks and flannel pyjamas.

16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter just about
winter.

17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item - even when you're
in a rush because you stop and talk to everyone in town.

18. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to your friends
from Northern Ontario.