parents come on in

[jipped genes]

My son is 15, he is a popular kid who loves boobs and video games and hanging out with his friends does well in school and is very respectful.

Last night he asked if he could have a buddy who can drive pick him up and go to a party then crash at one of his friends houses. I asked where is the party? he responded "i don't know the address but her folks will be home"

can we call the folks to make sure we approve of everything? "i don't have her #"

how late were you planning on staying out? "whenever the other guys are ready to go"

who's house will you be staying at? "one of my buddies houses but not sure"

my wife and I said NO. he was mad. "all the other kids are going"

i realize we are going to have to give him more freedom as he gets older but how do you know when the time is right to let some slack in the proverbial leash? this scenario just seemed sketchy. i remember being a kid and telling my folks stuff just like this and going out drinking. i don't want to be the over protective parent. you know?


advice for us?

[Mountain Monster]

Re: parents come on in

Sounds like you handled it they best way possible bro, if he wants to attend a party next time then maybe he will consider having more answers to your questions. You have to have done idea where and what he's doing and he gave you nothing to go on at all. Yeah from my own past experiences that story had alcohol and no adults written all over it! Good call! It's times like that he will get mad but you may have just saved his life honestly. More info next time on his part would buy more trust on mine if it were me in that same position.

[guage]

Re: parents come on in

when I was a kid I never asked. just snuck out and did what I did.

had two step kids both are over 21 now but I can say sure sounds like hes going to mistake your kindness for weakness here very shortly. 15 is about the right age to start testing the boundries. I couldn't say what the right time or age is, I think its just a hit and miss kinda thing. from what you stated he had some big plans for that night and I think it included some extra caricular activities if you know what I mean.

as a parent all you can do Is whats best at the time trial and error brother raisen kids today aint no easy task.

[6p6]

Re: parents come on in

You handled it 100% correct. No bones about it.

[BABY1]

Re: parents come on in

I agree with what the others have said and would have done the same. At some point we do have to just 'trust' them and let them go but that is so very hard to do. You and your wife will know when that time is and if questions you ask are not answered, then I am with you...no go!!! Also, we believe in reassuring our daughter that if she EVER is in a situation where she feels is uncomfortable, she should call us at any time. Now she is only 10 so we havent experienced what you have, but experienced some things already. Always trust your instincts, and if our kids think we are mean, Oh well, they will get over it. We are their parents not their friends!

Sounds like you are doing a great job!

[DaddyDawg]

Re: parents come on in

I think you handled right. I have a 16 you and have been through the very same scenario. As a father trying to raise my boys to be MEN. It is our job to make the tuff decisions that they won't like now, but will look back at later in life and appreciate. I have been very lucky that my 2 boys have been good. They are very respectful when at others homes and to adults in general. My 16 you son just told my wife and I last night that the reason he doesn't hang out with more of his friends is because the always want to drink and some smoke pot and he doesn't. I asked he doesn't just hangout and not drink. Just cause they are don't mean you have to. Instead of dealing with the pier pressure, he just doesn't go out. Of course it's my fault because he knows I will kick his ass and ground him if he does. I told him no, I just won't let you drive. He just received the letter from the state so he can get his license, but I have told him he can't get it till he proves I can trust him and he is responsible enough to have it. He got drunk with some friends last New years eve. and also admitted to trying pot once. He was very honest about it which I was happy about, but not happy he did it. So he has been building that trust back. I told him trust is earned not owed. He wad it and lost it twice. After the 3rd time it's too late. He has been very good at working to get it back and last nights conversation helped a bunch. I would explain to your son the reasons you said no, and what he can do next time for you to say no. Then give him just enough rope to see how he does. Explain that trust is very easy to loose, but very hard to get back. If he wants to get to do these types of things, tell him he has your trust and it's his to loose. I also keep a very open relationship with my sons. there is not much that is taboo for us to talk about. I joke and talk with my boys about everything and anything. Always have. This way they are not embarrassed to talk to my or my wife about anything. After coaching youth football for 11 years and dealing with all those boys along with mine. I have learned that when they truly believe they have earned your trust, they more times than not, do not want to loose it. Hope this helps brother. It sounds to me like you made the right choice. Now just make sure to communicate why and what you expect. Good luck.

[MrzDiva]

Re: parents come on in

You handled it well.. I'm very protective of my daughter. She's my whole world and the only blessing I have. There were no sure answers that he gave you. I will admit I am over protective of my daughter but unless she had names and numbers, nope I wouldn't have let her go. The " I don't know " card isn't allowed. Basically he's clueless even himself and thats not a good sign either. Thats just me tho.

[jipped genes]

Re: parents come on in

daddydawg "trust is earned not owed" so true.


thanks y'all. i realize it is more important to be a parent than a friend. one of the people i work with has 2 grown girls she tried to be best friends with. they manipulated and took advantage of her. neither one finished school. ect.

i figure a parents job is to love and nurture your child and make decisions based on you and your spouses moral center and try to instil this in your kid even if it pisses them off.

i remember my dad telling me know and how pissed i was and now i look back and can say he was right. as a kid you cant see the forest for the trees

[O2BESOHUGE]

Re: parents come on in

IM LEARNING THIS ALL NOW TOO JIPPED...MY 18 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WAS A LOT MORE FUN WHEN SHE WAS 5!! REMEMBER...THEY HAVE ENOUGH FRIENDS - THEY NEED A PARENT NOW. THEY WILL APPRECIATE IT ONE DAY WHEN THEY FIGURE IT ALL OUT

[wutlisstrice]

Re: parents come on in

HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!,details to sketchy it's your kid dont expect no one else to look out for him.good call

[6p6]

Re: parents come on in

HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!,details to sketchy it's your kid dont expect no one else to look out for him.good call

Exactly! Come back and ask when you have better info!

And yes I will use a gps tracker on my kids.

[jipped genes]

Re: parents come on in

you know they have those apps that can track their phones. i just don;t want to be an "NSA dad" you must have some trust for your kid and they have to make some mistakes on their own or they won;t learn. right?

now i pray the mistakes are small and harmless and the lessons don;t cost me $$$

[BABY1]

Re: parents come on in

you know they have those apps that can track their phones. i just don;t want to be an "NSA dad" you must have some trust for your kid and they have to make some mistakes on their own or they won;t learn. right?

Yes you are right, it is natural to want to save them from everything and pick them up when they fall but then we are not preparing them for the real world when they grow up then. I say, give a little and see how he does, they have to earn our trust but how do we know if we can trust them if we dont give them a chance?

[O2BESOHUGE]

Re: parents come on in

APPS FOR THE PHONE....MY FRIEND HAS ONE ON HER DAUGHTERS PHONE. ITS STEALTHGENIE.COM. YOU CAN TRACK THE PHONE, LOOK AT TEXT MESSAGES, LOOK AT HER FACEBOOK, LOOK AT A MAP OF WHERE SHES BEEN, CUT THE MICROPHONE ON THE PHONE AT ANY GIVEN TIME TO LISTEN TO WHATS GOING ON, RECORD CALLS, SET IT TO LET YOU KNOW WHO CALLS HER AS SHES GETTING THE CALLS..ITS PRETTY WILD ALL IT CAN DO. IT RUNS IN STEALTH MODE ON THE PHONE AND NO ONE KNOWS ITS THERE.

MY FRIENDS DAUGHTER GOT INTO TROUBLE WITH THE WRONG CROWD AND THATS WHY SHE DID IT. ITS CERTAINLY DIFFERENT NOW THANIT WAS WHEN WE ALL WERE KIDS. MY MOM DIDNT HAVE A CLUE HALF THE TIME WHERE I WAS...AND MAYBE THAT WAS FOR THE BEST! HAA!

[6p6]

Re: parents come on in

For the computer I've used a company called "awareness technology" you will get every key stroke! Which means say they type something then back space or delete it you can still see what was typed! Helps you see the thought process!!!