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Hangover Rating System
> > Hangover rating system
> > >
> > > One Star Hangover (*)
> > > No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
> relatively
> > > well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and
still
> > > feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
> > >
> > > Two Star Hangover (**)
> > > No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you
> > > have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging
> > > is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around
> the
> > > fruity pancake from the 3:00 am Waffle House excursion. There is
some
> > > definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
> > >
> > > Three Star Hangover (***)
> > > Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
> > > productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
> reminds
> > > you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you
to
> > > drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
> > > watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of
water,
> 3
> > > iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
> > >
> > > Four Star Hangover (****)
> > > Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
> else
> > > you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late
and
> > > has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
> > > but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your
> > > face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while
> > > riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein,
> > > and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm,
> > > and the first of about five sh*ts you take during the day brings
water
> > > to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
> > >
> > > Five Star Hangover, (*****)
> > > You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
> > > the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out
of
> > > every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in
> the
> > > corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get
> the
> > > remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
> > > generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have
the
> > > foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed
> this
> > > morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like
discharge
> > > of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The
> > > sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet
water
> > > all over your *ss. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
> > >
> > > THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> > > Indubitably
> > > Innovative
> > > Preliminary
> > > Proliferation
> > > Cinnamon
> > >
> > > THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> > > Specificity
> > > Loquacious
> > > Transubstantiate
> > >
> > > THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> > > Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
> > > Nope, no more booze for me.
> > > Sorry, but you're not really my type.
> > > Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
> > > Oh, I just couldn't.
> > > No one wants to hear me sing.
> > > Sorry I'm being such a jack*ss.
> > >
> > > One Star Hangover (*)
> > > No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
> relatively
> > > well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and
still
> > > feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
> > >
> > > Two Star Hangover (**)
> > > No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you
> > > have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging
> > > is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around
> the
> > > fruity pancake from the 3:00 am Waffle House excursion. There is
some
> > > definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
> > >
> > > Three Star Hangover (***)
> > > Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
> > > productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
> reminds
> > > you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you
to
> > > drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
> > > watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of
water,
> 3
> > > iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
> > >
> > > Four Star Hangover (****)
> > > Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
> else
> > > you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late
and
> > > has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
> > > but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your
> > > face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while
> > > riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein,
> > > and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm,
> > > and the first of about five sh*ts you take during the day brings
water
> > > to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
> > >
> > > Five Star Hangover, (*****)
> > > You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
> > > the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out
of
> > > every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in
> the
> > > corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get
> the
> > > remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
> > > generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have
the
> > > foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed
> this
> > > morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like
discharge
> > > of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The
> > > sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet
water
> > > all over your *ss. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
> > >
> > > THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> > > Indubitably
> > > Innovative
> > > Preliminary
> > > Proliferation
> > > Cinnamon
> > >
> > > THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> > > Specificity
> > > Loquacious
> > > Transubstantiate
> > >
> > > THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> > > Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
> > > Nope, no more booze for me.
> > > Sorry, but you're not really my type.
> > > Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
> > > Oh, I just couldn't.
> > > No one wants to hear me sing.
> > > Sorry I'm being such a jack*ss.
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