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DIVORCE AGREEMENT
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the
sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election
process has made me realize that I want a divorce... I
know we tolerated each other for many years for the
sake of future generations, but sadly, this
relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's
just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk
it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be
the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can
come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can
effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have
such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms,
the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take
the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with
wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael
Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,
responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough
to move all three of them).
We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You
can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food
stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and
illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,
greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and
give you NBC and Hollywood …
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll
retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war
protesters. When our allies or our way of life are
under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome
to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness
and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we
will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized
luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon
you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any
practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe
healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National
Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine,
I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We
Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can
continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep
our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it
along to other like minded liberal and conservative
patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In
the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer
which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin
Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for
English when you call our country.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the
sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election
process has made me realize that I want a divorce... I
know we tolerated each other for many years for the
sake of future generations, but sadly, this
relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's
just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk
it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be
the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can
come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can
effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have
such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms,
the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take
the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with
wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael
Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,
responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough
to move all three of them).
We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You
can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food
stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and
illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,
greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and
give you NBC and Hollywood …
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll
retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war
protesters. When our allies or our way of life are
under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome
to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness
and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we
will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized
luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon
you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any
practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe
healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National
Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine,
I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We
Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can
continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep
our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it
along to other like minded liberal and conservative
patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In
the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer
which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin
Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for
English when you call our country.
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