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This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get
in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to
browse
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion
in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
ban
both
of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed
below
and
are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's
carts
when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an offic ial
voice,
'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '
5. Aug u st 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's
on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the
bedding
department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began
crying
and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a
mirror
while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming
the
' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
look'
by
using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least .
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile,
then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get
in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to
browse
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion
in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
ban
both
of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed
below
and
are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's
carts
when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an offic ial
voice,
'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '
5. Aug u st 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's
on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the
bedding
department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began
crying
and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a
mirror
while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming
the
' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
look'
by
using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least .
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile,
then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
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