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**3sweeties** · 01-11-2009, 08:30 AM

Re: Manners?

The father should explain the rules to his son and then enforce them otherwise this is a set up for future problems between you and the step son. I think it would be best if you and step son developed an amicable relationship before you start disciplining.

**trip** · 01-11-2009, 08:59 AM

Re: Manners?

alright, u r seeing this situation 100% correct

here is what u do, give him 4-5 compliments for every correction

focus on what he does right, and he will connect to u, then when u want to show him the correct way of whatever, he will be more open and helpful

also, talk in phrases that he might like, like ""A good little man, always helps around the house, u can help mom and day by..........fill in blanks, manners, respect of others

if u use this pattern, he should show changes in about 3 weeks, and it should mostly be gone in 3 months

u have to show more resolve in the 3 weeks over the short term than any crap he dishes out

trust me, this is far far easier than the alternative, him being in control

if u abruptly take away his control he will feel powerless, and fight back more, so, first empower and then redirect

and both of u should be on the same paln

hoped that helped
good luck

**daved150** · 01-11-2009, 09:41 AM

Re: Manners?

trips probobly right...i would bet on it. i'm pretty hard on my kids and would handle it different. I'M FAIR, but hard. i'd go with a system much like trip laid out too a point, but there would be consequence's for not being behaved! but also...being a dad as apposed to a mom, i dont have that "whicked stepmom" thing to worry about either...i'm kinda expected to play the "heavy". i'd shock the shyt out of him with an asswhippin (it'd have to be over something i repeated way too much for him not to know what i want, like the door thing), then walk him outside, shut the door, tell him come in, and when he closed the door (which he'd most certainly do), i'd give him the atta boys. thats just an example, but other parent and the teachers praise us for the manners of our kids....most the time, lol.

**bowbow** · 01-11-2009, 10:58 AM

Re: Manners?

Trip advice sounds very good for you to follow but your fiance is the one that needs to work on it more so than you. Little boys look to there father on what to do and how to act plain and simple. It sounds like he hasn't thought him much so far and needs to step up and put is boy on the right path. It shouldn't be all up to you. Like I said the boy will listen to his father more so than the mother anyway. At least mine does.

**Workoutmom1275** · 01-11-2009, 01:58 PM

Re: Manners?

Thanks for all the advice!
I have talked to my fiance about it and he agrees and is going to start enforcing rules and manners more with him. My soon to be step son used to be better behaved than this I think it is taking my fiance by surprise too.His kids are going through alot of changes thanks to their mom on top of us getting married. The good thing is I do have a good relationship with the little boy I have known him over two years and have spent a lot of time with him in the last year especially. I have just started to ease into the step parenting. I do praise him alot and I will focus on praising him more about things he does that are good.

**daved150** · 01-11-2009, 07:23 PM

Re: Manners?

Originally posted by bowbow View Post

Trip advice sounds very good for you to follow but your fiance is the one that needs to work on it more so than you. Little boys look to there father on what to do and how to act plain and simple. It sounds like he hasn't thought him much so far and needs to step up and put is boy on the right path. It shouldn't be all up to you. Like I said the boy will listen to his father more so than the mother anyway. At least mine does.

i agree...i guess i didnt put it right. good call bowbow

**Doink the clown** · 01-11-2009, 08:42 PM

Re: Manners?

Sounds like he needs a belt accross his rear-end.

**deepsouth** · 01-11-2009, 10:46 PM

Re: Manners?

Originally posted by Doink the clown View Post

Sounds like he needs a belt accross his rear-end.

now you see- this is what I was thinking. My parents never worried about my feelings- they just busted my butt when I got out of line- it works- don't care what any of those physco babble people say

**daved150** · 01-12-2009, 05:53 AM

Re: Manners?

Originally posted by deepsouth View Post

now you see- this is what I was thinking. My parents never worried about my feelings- they just busted my butt when I got out of line- it works- don't care what any of those physco babble people say

thats basicly my route...but, like i said...from a dads perspective. a step mom might not wanna go that way. have the dad straighten him out

**deepsouth** · 01-12-2009, 06:21 AM

Re: Manners?

Your do have a very good point Dave- won't argue that Bro!

**Klash** · 01-12-2009, 08:51 AM

Re: Manners?

Originally posted by Workoutmom1275 View Post

I am getting married in June...I will then have a 3 year old of my own and my fiance has a 4.5 yo, 13 yo, and 16 yo.

The 4.5 yo boy spends a lot of time at my house. I don't think his mother teaches him any manners at all...

For example: when he wants something to drink he just shouts "I am thirsty I need something to drink! get me something to drink!"

My little girl says "Mommy, can I have something to drink, please?" Then when you give it to her she says "Thanks"

Another example: He walks through the door and leaves it wide open...it is 22 deg outside and my puppy will run right outside...I say "hey you left the door open" He says "well I didn't open it! " I say "you were the last one in" he says well "I didn't OPEN it"!

My daughter is expected to close the door behind her and she has been doing this since she was 2!

So I have been enforcing manners with my soon-to-be stepson. Am I being too harsh? I know it is irritating him when I correct him but I can't expect my daughter to be respectful in my house and not expect the same out of him. I have discussed this with my fiance and he agrees with me.... but I still have this feeling that I am going to be looked at as this mean stepmom that makes him say please and thankyou, shut the door, and not run in the house. When you do correct him or something he wants to argue and make excuses and I just say no it is final. I am not going to negotiate with a 4.5 year old. I have a feeling this is going to be very difficult being a stepmommy!

Hell no your not being to harsh. People go through hard times and I'm sure this is a hard time for the kid but that doesn't excuse him for being a brat. I agree with the others though dad needs to be the one raining fire down on him.

Good luck and let us know how it progresses.

**BABY1** · 01-12-2009, 08:54 AM

Re: Manners?

Trip has some great advice. You are not being mean at all. You have worked hard with your daughter and you don't want her to see what he does and how he might get away with it. Plain and simple"your house, your rules"!

**tattoojr** · 01-12-2009, 10:37 PM

Re: Manners?

I'm with Doink on this, this should be what Dad does. Kids need to know whats expected of them and the punishment/rewards for their actions. All the coddling and trying to get to their level is crap IMO. I don't have any problem with my kids and when others come over the house I don't put up with any stuff with them either, all it takes is some laying down of the rules and not changing them and everyone is fine. J.R.

**FUZO** · 01-13-2009, 09:33 AM

Re: Manners?

punishment/rewards for their actions.

I agree with this.

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