I mean this in no way other than it's an interesting read. It is not a
political plug, one way or another.
Bush's RESIGNATION SPEECH
The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary Maineiac [a
resident of the People's Republic of Maine].
While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be
effective.
This is an excellent piece by a person who does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush might give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and
that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or
impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up
because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or
of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of
you are too ****ed lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the
tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record
numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll
point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our
unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem
to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of
you are too dang stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of
noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than
your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing.
If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields
and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush
Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I
could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be
'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was
faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official
US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established
that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you? Now some of you morons are
considering another and more evil Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that
one!! She wants to take your kids away and let the 'Whole Village' raise
them! i.e. governmental indoctrination .. Look this one up you idiots.
The rest of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no
understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should
attack Pakistan, a nucular ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make
peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing
that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel
to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give
welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote
to reelect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nucular weapons,
and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel. Did you sleep through high
school?
You people need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out
spend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But
they are. They want to kill you, and they are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United State s since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got
no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement,
and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this
whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult
fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult
fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should
last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as
well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on
NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you
would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's
below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that
were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house
down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got
elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last
pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new
President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still
have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are
smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.
political plug, one way or another.
Bush's RESIGNATION SPEECH
The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary Maineiac [a
resident of the People's Republic of Maine].
While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be
effective.
This is an excellent piece by a person who does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush might give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and
that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or
impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up
because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or
of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of
you are too ****ed lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the
tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record
numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll
point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our
unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem
to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of
you are too dang stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of
noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than
your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing.
If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields
and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush
Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I
could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be
'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was
faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official
US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established
that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you? Now some of you morons are
considering another and more evil Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that
one!! She wants to take your kids away and let the 'Whole Village' raise
them! i.e. governmental indoctrination .. Look this one up you idiots.
The rest of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no
understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should
attack Pakistan, a nucular ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make
peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing
that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel
to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give
welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote
to reelect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nucular weapons,
and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel. Did you sleep through high
school?
You people need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out
spend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But
they are. They want to kill you, and they are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United State s since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got
no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement,
and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this
whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult
fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult
fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should
last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as
well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on
NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you
would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's
below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that
were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house
down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got
elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last
pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new
President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still
have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are
smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.
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