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1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are
gay.
> It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent
>the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah
>Diet.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a
dog, but
>gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
>delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And
>just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get
your
>ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come
>to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
>nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
on
>bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet,
>or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking
>lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
>bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man
will
>never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy
>Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four
>different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as
well
>be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space
in his
>brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or
you
>know what a "fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type
of
>textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
to
>tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
at a
>slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs
that
>hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
>
> 8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your e-mail list
>because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are
definitely on
>the verge on being a fudgepacker.
gay.
> It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent
>the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah
>Diet.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a
dog, but
>gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
>delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And
>just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get
your
>ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come
>to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
>nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
on
>bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet,
>or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking
>lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
>bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man
will
>never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy
>Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four
>different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as
well
>be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space
in his
>brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or
you
>know what a "fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type
of
>textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
to
>tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
at a
>slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs
that
>hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
>
> 8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your e-mail list
>because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are
definitely on
>the verge on being a fudgepacker.
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