Why is it SO hard?

[daved150]

Re: Why is it SO hard?

...when i met my wife i was working at a t-shirt printing company making next to nothing, crashing on A freinds couch, playing in a heavy metal band going nowhere...just your general loser! lol. but, i didnt look at it like i didnt have much to offer...i had ME to offer, and thats a pretty good package. (hell, it's a great package!!, lol) first of all, quit with the self loathing, i'm sure your not as bad as you make yourself out to be. second, you got to go out...people are not gonna knock on your door to see if you want to meet them. getting a job will help you meet people....why no job? even a part time gig...hell, even mcdonalds or some sh!t.

[6p6]

Re: Why is it SO hard?

I can honestly say i don't usually have a problem meeting people IF I decide it's in my interest.
Sal

thats usually the problem with most of us men isn't it! I know that my problem, I can be the best friend if you fit my interests!

[Rolsroyce]

Re: Why is it SO hard?

Very rarely do I get invited out. Actually the last person (an ex-friend) who invited me out eventually played that idiotic "Who else is going to hang with you but me" card. So other then my annual Convention trips I don't socialize much



I'm kind of a hodge podge, I'm shy but not shy at the same time. If that makes any sense. And I'm a loner with extrovertive tendencies, meaning that if you talk to me like I'm NOT a freak. I'm pretty sociable meaning I'll crack jokes and what not

try drinking bro, that usually helps if youre nervous around folks.

[T-Man007]

Re: Why is it SO hard?

Lot's of good advice so far. I guess my input would be to re-evaluate where you are looking for these friends. Are youreally looking in the places where there are people who are just like you. Sometimes we like to think we are a certian type of person and when we get around the type of people we think we are 'we' feel comfortable. However, those people will know if you really fit in or not. I'm not saying you are an out cast, I'm just saying that's how groups are. I'll give you a perfect example. I was NOT pleased with the pretty by gene. But, my personality led me to groups of lots of attractive people. I can honestly say that most of my friends were more attractive than me. I had a lot of friends who were models, successful one at that. Now, deep down these 'friends'knew me and accepted me, but when I would go to places where there was a lot of 'their' type of people, I stood out like a sore thumb. I wasn't tall dark and handsome. Even though my 'friends' would introduce me to everyone and still felt like the odd man out. Sometimes I would get the chance to display my personality and win people over, sometimes I just got pushed to the side so the pretty people could talk to the pretty people. I'm not saying I'm ugly, I'm just not a pretty boy and most of those people aren't real quick to open up to people outside their group.

With that said, I'm not implying that you are outof your league or anything I'm just suggesting that you may be a Rocky Road kinda of guy trying to fit in with the Rainbow Sherbert crowd. It's tough to fit in when there are differences and I can assure you, if there are similarities then you will find friends, you just will. You just have to find other Rocky Road type people, that's all. I grew up in Atlanta which is a huge melting pot and I can tell you there is so much personality diversity it's crazy. When I was in the club scene I was (tooting my horn here) the phukin man.....at 'my' clubs. By 'my' clubs I mean the clubs where 'my' type of people were. But, I could easily go from one club to the club right next door and not meet hardly anyone. Wrong group of people. And there were people in that other club that you could tell were the 'in' people....of 'that' club, but they would be nobodies at 'my' clubs. I would see it day in and day out, well, more like night in and night out, when I was a bouncer. You could just spot the people who didn't fit in. They would walk around, try to talk to people and get blown off. But, you put that person in the right atmospher and they become Elvis.

The best thing to do is not look at what you are doing wrong or what you need to change, the best thing to do is find people like you and ask them where they hang out. Then go to those places. If I was single, and thank God I'm not, I would do just that. I would find those guys like me at the gym or guys like me I know from work and ask them where they hang out and show up. These are already people I know I have stuff in common with so going to places they go will usually result in meeting more people like them, or me.

And finally, the personal things you are going through are a burnden on your self esteem. I don't care how tough a person thinks they are, when they are going through unemployment (we've all been there) and don't have your own place, that's a kick in the balls to our ego and self esteem and it shows. People can sense confidence, when you have things together, people can just tell, it's in your walk, it's in your tone when you speak, it's in your facial expressions, it's in everything. I would be will to bet that as soon as you get another job your confidence will shine through and people will pick up on it and be attracted to it. People like to be around people who lift them up and make them feel good and if you are going through a tough time, it's hard to be uplifting. It's not a bad thing, it's just human nature. I went through it, I got so down I had to get on anti-depressant meds. So what, it brought me back to normal and life was fun again.

Good luck bro.

[Shaun_C]

Thanks for not laughing

It felt good to just post my feelings out like that. And it's even better that I didn't get ridiculed for it. Because these days you know that if a young 28 yr old guy admitted to something like this. More often then not he'd get labled socially inept or whatever.

I know a lot of people, just that the ones I would call friends tends to move away.

And for the record I generally don't drink alcohol for personal and health reasons.

[Rolsroyce]

Re: Why is it SO hard?

i hear ya buddy, just a thought.

[mtnmedic]

Re: Why is it SO hard?

If you're over 5'8",..under 35 and drug and disease free...you're in there bra. women like guy's who are for real,..usually. so be yourself. I kinda like the dude from "Fastimes" advice too, but hey I wouldn't give a chick the time of day with that kind of tude. as far as online,..? lmaobt !! it's one of the most frustrating, shallow, impersonal..s#it you name it ways of trying to meet someone...on the other hand I have met a few women too. if you make it past the IM'ing and get to actually talkin' on the phone,..you're chances get better. (hence impersonal). not to mention wires get crossed, and things sometimes out of context thru endless emails. then you lost her over something as silly as that, while in person you'd probally have a date hooked up. find something ya like and give it a go..I met more cool chicks at my Kempo class than the gym or a party. I have a better relationship with them because we share an intrest,..and not to mention lots of bodily contact. get on a co-ed sports team or somethin',..take out the awkward "breaking the ice" factor and getting to the point works wonders.