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Here's a helpful guide of a dictionary of phrases and words to be used as a reference tool to aid in translating modern female language into what it means in Woman-Speak. Even the ladies should be able to enjoy this one. By the way, if any of you ladies out there think I left something out or got something wrong, contact me and we'll see if we can't get something straightened out. Enjoy!
(A)
Phrase/Word: Argument
Meaning: What happens when a man makes sense
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(B)
Phrase/Word: *****
Meaning: She's prettier than me
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(C)
Phrase/Word: Compromise
Meaning: The act of giving a woman everything she wants in exchange for silence
Phrase/Word: ****
Meaning: She's prettier than me
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(D)
Phrase/Word: Ditz
Meaning: She's prettier than me
Phrase/Word: "Do you ever think about your ex?"
Translation: "I am giving you a chance to end our relationship."
Phrase/Word: "Do you think she's pretty?"
Translation: "Do I hate her?"
Phrase/Word: Dr. Phil
Meaning: Queen of the Woman-Speak Nation
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(E)
Phrase/Word: Everything
Meaning: What a woman wants
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(G)
Phrase/Word: Girls night out
Meaning: A night, during which a woman will put on the sluttiest clothing she owns and spend hours putting on makeup, in which a woman will disappear in along with her other scantily clad friends to undisclosed locations. Any inquiry of details concerning said night, before or after the fact, will result in a minimum of one hour's discussion of trust in a relationship as well as depravation of sex for an indefinite period of time.
Phrase/Word: Good Enough
Meaning: What nothing is
Phrase/Word: Guys night out
Meaning: A night, during which men will put on their most comfortable clothing and spend no time at all enhancing personal appearance, in which a man will disappear to along with his other comfortably dressed friends to a location fully discussed and planned ahead of time. Any resistance to a woman's inquiry about details concerning the night, before or after the fact, will result in a minimum of one hour's discussion of trust in a relationship as well as depravation of sex for an indefinite period of time
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(H)
Phrase/Word: "He's just an old buddy of mine."
Translation: "He's just an old buddy of mine... who accidentally stuck his dick in me."
Phrase/Word: Ho
Meaning: She's prettier than me
Phrase/Word: "How about you buy me a drink?"
Translation: "How about you get me drunk for free so I can leave with the bartender?"
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(I)
Phrase/Word: "I like being an independent woman."
Translation: "I expect no questions about my actions or my motivations, ever, at any time. I also expect you to forget how independent I am when I ask for money."
Phrase/Word: "I could be wrong."
Translation: "I could be wrong... but I was born a woman, so Im not."
Phrase/Word: "I hate jealous guys."
Translation: "I will ***** at you if you get jealous over me flirting with my single guy friend. However, it will hurt my feelings if you don't protect me."
Phrase/Word: "I have a headache."
Translation: "Im a liar."
Phrase/Word: "I like dangerous men."
Translation: "I like free trips to exotic places."
Phrase/Word: "Im addicted to the internet!"
Translation: "Im a former/current webcam *****."
Phrase/Word: "Im a very sexual person."
Translation: "Im a very sexual person... I use it to get what I want."
Phrase/Word: "Im down to earth."
Translation: "Im like every other girl you will ever meet."
Phrase/Word: "Im very worldly."
Translation: "I never went to college, so I tell people the world educated me."
Phrase/Word: "Its not you, its me."
Translation: "Its you."
Phrase/Word: "I think we should both go on a diet."
Translation: "Your getting a little soft, fatty."
Phrase/Word: "I trust her."
Translation: "I trust her... to be the slut I know she is and try and f**k my man."
Phrase/Word: "I trust you."
Translation: "I trust you... to try and f**k anything that will lay still for 10 minutes, so I'll watch you like a hawk."
Phrase/Word: "It's that time of the month."
Translation: "It's that time of the month... when I can use menstruation as an excuse to say or do anything I want.
Phrase/Word: "I understand sports"
Translation: "I either have a pair of testicles you don't know about, or Im a liar."
Phrase/Word: "I want a divorce."
Translation: "I want a divorce."
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(J)
Phrase/Word: Jerk
Meaning: A man I would like to f**k
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(L)
Phrase/Word: "Let's just be friends."
Translation: "You be my friend, while I f**k the guy I met at the mall."
Phrase/Word: Loyalty
Translation: No similar word found in the Woman-Speak language.
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(N)
Phrase/Word: "No one understands me."
Translation: "Please ask me what's wrong, because Im an attention ***** and must receive constant pity to sustain my life."
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(M)
Phrase/Word: Money
Meaning: What there is never enough of
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(P)
Phrase/Word: Perfect
Meaning: What she is
Phrase/Word: Period
Meaning: Excuse that can not be refuted under penalty of death
Phrase/Word: Prick
Meaning: Any man who has proven her wrong
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(R)
Phrase/Word: Right
Meaning: What she always is, and you never are
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(S)
Phrase/Word: Sarcasm
Meaning: The way anything that was derogatory about her was said
Phrase/Word: Seperation
Meaning: Oppurtunity for her to f**k all the losers she knows, and still maintain a feeling of security because she knows you are too pussified to sleep with anyone else for fear of losing her.
Phrase/Word: Sex
Meaning: A woman's great tool
Phrase/Word: "She's my best friend."
Translation: "So much as look at her, and Ill slit her throat, then yours."
Phrase/Word: "She's so ugly!"
Translation: She's prettier than I am
Phrase/Word: Smartass
Translation: Any man who makes a valid point
Phrase/Word: "Some things have got to change!"
Translation: "YOU have got to change!"
Phrase/Word: Slut
Meaning: She's prettier than I am
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(T)
Phrase/Word: Too Expensive
Meaning: An impossible state of existence
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(W)
Phrase/Word: "We need to talk."
Translation: "You need to shut up and listen to me complain."
Phrase/Word: "What do you want for Valentines Day?"
Translation: "What price should I double when evaluating how much money you should/will spend on me for Valentines Day?
Phrase/Word: "Who do you think the prettiest celebrity is?"
Translation: "What size tits do you like the best?"
Phrase/Word: *****
Meaning: She's prettier than I am
Phrase/Word: Wrong
Meaning: What she never is, and what you always are.
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(Y)
Phrase/Word: "You act just like my ex!"
Translation: "You act just like my ex... making sense and being sane all the time!"
Phrase/Word: "You aren't my type."
Translation: "You aren't my type... of desired earner. I look more in the 401K range"
Phrase/Word: "Your love is all I need."
Translation: "Your love is all I need... to blackmail you into anything I want."
Phrase/Word: "You've changed."
Translation: "You've quit putting up with my s**t!"
(A)
Phrase/Word: Argument
Meaning: What happens when a man makes sense
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(B)
Phrase/Word: *****
Meaning: She's prettier than me
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(C)
Phrase/Word: Compromise
Meaning: The act of giving a woman everything she wants in exchange for silence
Phrase/Word: ****
Meaning: She's prettier than me
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(D)
Phrase/Word: Ditz
Meaning: She's prettier than me
Phrase/Word: "Do you ever think about your ex?"
Translation: "I am giving you a chance to end our relationship."
Phrase/Word: "Do you think she's pretty?"
Translation: "Do I hate her?"
Phrase/Word: Dr. Phil
Meaning: Queen of the Woman-Speak Nation
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(E)
Phrase/Word: Everything
Meaning: What a woman wants
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(G)
Phrase/Word: Girls night out
Meaning: A night, during which a woman will put on the sluttiest clothing she owns and spend hours putting on makeup, in which a woman will disappear in along with her other scantily clad friends to undisclosed locations. Any inquiry of details concerning said night, before or after the fact, will result in a minimum of one hour's discussion of trust in a relationship as well as depravation of sex for an indefinite period of time.
Phrase/Word: Good Enough
Meaning: What nothing is
Phrase/Word: Guys night out
Meaning: A night, during which men will put on their most comfortable clothing and spend no time at all enhancing personal appearance, in which a man will disappear to along with his other comfortably dressed friends to a location fully discussed and planned ahead of time. Any resistance to a woman's inquiry about details concerning the night, before or after the fact, will result in a minimum of one hour's discussion of trust in a relationship as well as depravation of sex for an indefinite period of time
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(H)
Phrase/Word: "He's just an old buddy of mine."
Translation: "He's just an old buddy of mine... who accidentally stuck his dick in me."
Phrase/Word: Ho
Meaning: She's prettier than me
Phrase/Word: "How about you buy me a drink?"
Translation: "How about you get me drunk for free so I can leave with the bartender?"
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(I)
Phrase/Word: "I like being an independent woman."
Translation: "I expect no questions about my actions or my motivations, ever, at any time. I also expect you to forget how independent I am when I ask for money."
Phrase/Word: "I could be wrong."
Translation: "I could be wrong... but I was born a woman, so Im not."
Phrase/Word: "I hate jealous guys."
Translation: "I will ***** at you if you get jealous over me flirting with my single guy friend. However, it will hurt my feelings if you don't protect me."
Phrase/Word: "I have a headache."
Translation: "Im a liar."
Phrase/Word: "I like dangerous men."
Translation: "I like free trips to exotic places."
Phrase/Word: "Im addicted to the internet!"
Translation: "Im a former/current webcam *****."
Phrase/Word: "Im a very sexual person."
Translation: "Im a very sexual person... I use it to get what I want."
Phrase/Word: "Im down to earth."
Translation: "Im like every other girl you will ever meet."
Phrase/Word: "Im very worldly."
Translation: "I never went to college, so I tell people the world educated me."
Phrase/Word: "Its not you, its me."
Translation: "Its you."
Phrase/Word: "I think we should both go on a diet."
Translation: "Your getting a little soft, fatty."
Phrase/Word: "I trust her."
Translation: "I trust her... to be the slut I know she is and try and f**k my man."
Phrase/Word: "I trust you."
Translation: "I trust you... to try and f**k anything that will lay still for 10 minutes, so I'll watch you like a hawk."
Phrase/Word: "It's that time of the month."
Translation: "It's that time of the month... when I can use menstruation as an excuse to say or do anything I want.
Phrase/Word: "I understand sports"
Translation: "I either have a pair of testicles you don't know about, or Im a liar."
Phrase/Word: "I want a divorce."
Translation: "I want a divorce."
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(J)
Phrase/Word: Jerk
Meaning: A man I would like to f**k
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(L)
Phrase/Word: "Let's just be friends."
Translation: "You be my friend, while I f**k the guy I met at the mall."
Phrase/Word: Loyalty
Translation: No similar word found in the Woman-Speak language.
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(N)
Phrase/Word: "No one understands me."
Translation: "Please ask me what's wrong, because Im an attention ***** and must receive constant pity to sustain my life."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(M)
Phrase/Word: Money
Meaning: What there is never enough of
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P)
Phrase/Word: Perfect
Meaning: What she is
Phrase/Word: Period
Meaning: Excuse that can not be refuted under penalty of death
Phrase/Word: Prick
Meaning: Any man who has proven her wrong
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(R)
Phrase/Word: Right
Meaning: What she always is, and you never are
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(S)
Phrase/Word: Sarcasm
Meaning: The way anything that was derogatory about her was said
Phrase/Word: Seperation
Meaning: Oppurtunity for her to f**k all the losers she knows, and still maintain a feeling of security because she knows you are too pussified to sleep with anyone else for fear of losing her.
Phrase/Word: Sex
Meaning: A woman's great tool
Phrase/Word: "She's my best friend."
Translation: "So much as look at her, and Ill slit her throat, then yours."
Phrase/Word: "She's so ugly!"
Translation: She's prettier than I am
Phrase/Word: Smartass
Translation: Any man who makes a valid point
Phrase/Word: "Some things have got to change!"
Translation: "YOU have got to change!"
Phrase/Word: Slut
Meaning: She's prettier than I am
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(T)
Phrase/Word: Too Expensive
Meaning: An impossible state of existence
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(W)
Phrase/Word: "We need to talk."
Translation: "You need to shut up and listen to me complain."
Phrase/Word: "What do you want for Valentines Day?"
Translation: "What price should I double when evaluating how much money you should/will spend on me for Valentines Day?
Phrase/Word: "Who do you think the prettiest celebrity is?"
Translation: "What size tits do you like the best?"
Phrase/Word: *****
Meaning: She's prettier than I am
Phrase/Word: Wrong
Meaning: What she never is, and what you always are.
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(Y)
Phrase/Word: "You act just like my ex!"
Translation: "You act just like my ex... making sense and being sane all the time!"
Phrase/Word: "You aren't my type."
Translation: "You aren't my type... of desired earner. I look more in the 401K range"
Phrase/Word: "Your love is all I need."
Translation: "Your love is all I need... to blackmail you into anything I want."
Phrase/Word: "You've changed."
Translation: "You've quit putting up with my s**t!"