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Quickie #1
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife
>dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can
do
>anything you want." So he tied her up and went fishing.
>
>Quickie #2
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
into
>the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
>"Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said,
"Oh
>my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't
>matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
> Quickie #3
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
the
>other is a
>husband.
>
>Quickie #4 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to appl y for a
>driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
>The optician showed him a card with the letters:
>'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
>Quickie #5
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
must
>tell you all something.
>We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an
elderly
>nun at
>the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
>
>Quickie #6
>A wife was making a
>breakfast of fried eggs for her husband Suddenly, her husband burst
>into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more
>butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn
>them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we
>going to get MORE BUTTER? They're goi ng to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL!
I
>said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
>Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't
>forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the
>salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" The wife stared at
him.
>"What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to
>fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show
you
>what it feels like when I'm driving."
>
>Quickie #7
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
>drafted by the Army.
>On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That
>afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his secon d day,
>the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist
>yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a
jock
>strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife
>dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can
do
>anything you want." So he tied her up and went fishing.
>
>Quickie #2
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
into
>the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
>"Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said,
"Oh
>my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't
>matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
> Quickie #3
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
the
>other is a
>husband.
>
>Quickie #4 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to appl y for a
>driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
>The optician showed him a card with the letters:
>'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
>Quickie #5
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
must
>tell you all something.
>We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an
elderly
>nun at
>the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
>
>Quickie #6
>A wife was making a
>breakfast of fried eggs for her husband Suddenly, her husband burst
>into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more
>butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn
>them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we
>going to get MORE BUTTER? They're goi ng to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL!
I
>said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
>Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't
>forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the
>salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" The wife stared at
him.
>"What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to
>fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show
you
>what it feels like when I'm driving."
>
>Quickie #7
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
>drafted by the Army.
>On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That
>afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his secon d day,
>the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist
>yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a
jock
>strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years
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