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I got this from another forum and it provoked some interesting comments. I wanted to see what some of you thought.
"I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say, “If Jesus were here today, walking around on the Earth, He wouldn’t be in churches; He would be ministering to the alcoholics, drug addicts and even prostitutes.” Though I do agree with this statement, where it pertains to the character of Christ (He had love and compassion for society’s outcasts) I question the implication that alcoholics, drug addicts and even prostitutes are the filthiest or most despised people of out time. I believe I’m stumbled across a type of “leper” even more filthy and unworthy of love than drug addicts and prostitutes. I’m talking about, sex offenders.
I’ll never forget the day I met Tim (Not his real name). I drove 8 hours total just to do a 15 minute interview with a kid I probably wasn’t going to accept into my program. I had his complete case file but I wasn’t at all impressed. Tim was charged with criminal sexual contact 5th degree (at age 14 he touched the private parts of a 10 year old girl) and it had taken him nearly 3 years to finish treatment. I had already determined that this interview would just be a formality and I would likely “pass” on Ole’ Timmy.
When he walked into the room he wasn’t at all what I expected. Tim was a roly-poly 17 year old with thick glasses and a huge smile. I tried my best to do the interview but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Next to eating, there’s nothing on Earth Tim enjoys more than talking. He pummeled me with question after question. Once or twice he actually waited for me to answer but most of the time he just followed a question with another question. My favorite was when Tim would ask me a question, pause momentarily and then answer it himself. I knew going in that he wasn’t “the sharpest tool” but I had no idea he was such a character. My quick15 minute interview turned into an hour and a half. I loved this kid. Not only was he one of the biggest characters I’ve ever met but he had a huge heart and no place else to go…I was hooked.
Tim came to live at my program and stayed for almost two years. During that time he impacted my life every bit as much as I could ever have impacted his. I’m still haunted by the stories he shared with me, stories of his own victimization. He and I both wept as he talked about having to perform sexual acts on his step-father. He spoke of the only life he ever knew…a life of feeling helpless and afraid…a life of not fighting back, crying or throwing up because when he did, he got beat first and then molested. But the absolute most heart breaking was when he spoke of his own offense. Time and time again I sat with him and watched his big glasses fog over and tears of sorrow run down his cheeks because Tim believed that God could never forgive him for what he had done.
In 1994, Tim turned 19 years old and become one of the many who “fall through the cracks”. Because of his age, there was no longer State funding for him to stay in our program but because his IQ was above 70, he didn’t qualify for adult services. Also, He had no family to help him…Tim never knew his father, his wonderful step-father killed himself and his mother refused to associate with him because of his offense. Tim ended up homeless. He lived on the streets, ate from dumpsters, slept in abandoned buildings, etc,etc…
From 1994 – 2000 we had very little contact with Him. In the spring of 2001 he was living in a facility for mentally ill adults but he wasn’t doing well. Tim was clinically depressed and had lost his will to live. The staff told us he had over 30 hospitalizations for suicidal ideations and or attempts in the past year, he sleeps more that 20 hours a day, he doesn’t shower and he had only washed clothes three times in 4 months. They were about to give up and were already in the process of having him committed to the State hospital. I asked if we could take him home instead. As you can imagine, the program staff assumed we were nuts but we felt like we needed to “walk the talk”… if we claimed to be his family, than we really needed to start being his family. We believed that Tim had lost his will to live because he didn’t have anything to live for.
Tim, our new foster placement / 25 year old son (Even to this very day, he still calls us mom and dad) moved in. Our gamble paid off. Immediately things got better. In less than a month he was exercising and showering daily, in less than 6 months he had a driver’s license, at the 9 month mark he was on a softball team and had a part-time job; also not one suicidal ideation or hospitalization. I wish you all could have seen him the first time we took him to Disney World or even his first air plane flight. His family became his reason to live. Rachel and I were receiving praise from everyone. Tim’s Psychiatrist wrote a letter of commendation and said that we saved this man’s life. County Social Workers were begging us to work with all of their difficult cases. ***I didn’t add this part because Rachel or I deserve any credit. The fact that we were praised for our work will mean more later in my rambling.***
Last year it came time for our foster care license to be renewed. Part of the process is to complete a background study on every person living in the home. Tim lives in the home, thus Tim also had to fill out the background study. As you can imagine, Tim’s study came back as a “hit” for criminal sexual contact 5th degree. We were told that we had two options: (1) Appeal the decision or (2) Tim moves immediately. We chose to appeal on the grounds that (1) Tim’s offense was at age 14 and nearly 15 year ago. Even the BCA doesn’t track that far back. (2) Tim successfully completed sex offender treatment and hasn’t had any interactions with the law since 1991 and (3) Tim has lived in our home, with our son and other foster placements for years without any inappropriate interactions.
We lost the appeal process and were told that Tim had to go. Rachel and I just couldn’t do it. After nearly 5 years, we love him too much and wouldn’t turn him back onto the streets ever again. We told the County that Tim is family and we were choosing to keep him and have our licensed revoked. Again we were praised for our great work and our commitment to Tim. We were also told that if he ever moves out, we should call them to have our license reinstated.
Well, as many of you already know, Rachel and I recently started the process of adopting 2 adorable little girls (Age 8 and 2). We’ve had numerous visits with them in preparation for their placement in our home on 7/20/06. We already love these kids. One critical item that needs to be in place is a reinstated foster care license. We were told this would be a simple process because of our noteworthy history as foster parents and the fact that Tim no longer lives in the home. Last month, we were able to help him get his very first apartment. He also has his own car and a job but he is close enough (same town) that we can help him when he stumbles.
Just as my wife was preparing to paint and decorate the bedroom for her new little girls; we got word that the deal is off. Our County told us that we cannot ever again have a foster care license because of Tim. They stated that even though he no longer lives with us, because we call him family, and because they know about his criminal past, they will require a background study on him anytime we file for a license. I’m a total wreck and my wife is devastated. The girls are very upset but worst of all is Tim. When Tim heard the girls weren’t coming, he hung is head and fought back the tears. My hear broke again when he said, “Its because of me isn’t it.”
So I guess I’ll finish as I began. When the Bible speaks of “the least of these”, the lepers, the tax collectors, the sinners or the unlovable… ask yourself, who do I say is the least? Is it alcoholics, drug addicts or even prostitutes? Or could it be a segment of society so vile you would be punished for even saving one? A much more important question to ask yourself is the same question Tim asks every day, “Is God’s love and forgiveness big enough even for a sex offender?”
We love you very much Tim.
Mom and Dad"
"I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say, “If Jesus were here today, walking around on the Earth, He wouldn’t be in churches; He would be ministering to the alcoholics, drug addicts and even prostitutes.” Though I do agree with this statement, where it pertains to the character of Christ (He had love and compassion for society’s outcasts) I question the implication that alcoholics, drug addicts and even prostitutes are the filthiest or most despised people of out time. I believe I’m stumbled across a type of “leper” even more filthy and unworthy of love than drug addicts and prostitutes. I’m talking about, sex offenders.
I’ll never forget the day I met Tim (Not his real name). I drove 8 hours total just to do a 15 minute interview with a kid I probably wasn’t going to accept into my program. I had his complete case file but I wasn’t at all impressed. Tim was charged with criminal sexual contact 5th degree (at age 14 he touched the private parts of a 10 year old girl) and it had taken him nearly 3 years to finish treatment. I had already determined that this interview would just be a formality and I would likely “pass” on Ole’ Timmy.
When he walked into the room he wasn’t at all what I expected. Tim was a roly-poly 17 year old with thick glasses and a huge smile. I tried my best to do the interview but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Next to eating, there’s nothing on Earth Tim enjoys more than talking. He pummeled me with question after question. Once or twice he actually waited for me to answer but most of the time he just followed a question with another question. My favorite was when Tim would ask me a question, pause momentarily and then answer it himself. I knew going in that he wasn’t “the sharpest tool” but I had no idea he was such a character. My quick15 minute interview turned into an hour and a half. I loved this kid. Not only was he one of the biggest characters I’ve ever met but he had a huge heart and no place else to go…I was hooked.
Tim came to live at my program and stayed for almost two years. During that time he impacted my life every bit as much as I could ever have impacted his. I’m still haunted by the stories he shared with me, stories of his own victimization. He and I both wept as he talked about having to perform sexual acts on his step-father. He spoke of the only life he ever knew…a life of feeling helpless and afraid…a life of not fighting back, crying or throwing up because when he did, he got beat first and then molested. But the absolute most heart breaking was when he spoke of his own offense. Time and time again I sat with him and watched his big glasses fog over and tears of sorrow run down his cheeks because Tim believed that God could never forgive him for what he had done.
In 1994, Tim turned 19 years old and become one of the many who “fall through the cracks”. Because of his age, there was no longer State funding for him to stay in our program but because his IQ was above 70, he didn’t qualify for adult services. Also, He had no family to help him…Tim never knew his father, his wonderful step-father killed himself and his mother refused to associate with him because of his offense. Tim ended up homeless. He lived on the streets, ate from dumpsters, slept in abandoned buildings, etc,etc…
From 1994 – 2000 we had very little contact with Him. In the spring of 2001 he was living in a facility for mentally ill adults but he wasn’t doing well. Tim was clinically depressed and had lost his will to live. The staff told us he had over 30 hospitalizations for suicidal ideations and or attempts in the past year, he sleeps more that 20 hours a day, he doesn’t shower and he had only washed clothes three times in 4 months. They were about to give up and were already in the process of having him committed to the State hospital. I asked if we could take him home instead. As you can imagine, the program staff assumed we were nuts but we felt like we needed to “walk the talk”… if we claimed to be his family, than we really needed to start being his family. We believed that Tim had lost his will to live because he didn’t have anything to live for.
Tim, our new foster placement / 25 year old son (Even to this very day, he still calls us mom and dad) moved in. Our gamble paid off. Immediately things got better. In less than a month he was exercising and showering daily, in less than 6 months he had a driver’s license, at the 9 month mark he was on a softball team and had a part-time job; also not one suicidal ideation or hospitalization. I wish you all could have seen him the first time we took him to Disney World or even his first air plane flight. His family became his reason to live. Rachel and I were receiving praise from everyone. Tim’s Psychiatrist wrote a letter of commendation and said that we saved this man’s life. County Social Workers were begging us to work with all of their difficult cases. ***I didn’t add this part because Rachel or I deserve any credit. The fact that we were praised for our work will mean more later in my rambling.***
Last year it came time for our foster care license to be renewed. Part of the process is to complete a background study on every person living in the home. Tim lives in the home, thus Tim also had to fill out the background study. As you can imagine, Tim’s study came back as a “hit” for criminal sexual contact 5th degree. We were told that we had two options: (1) Appeal the decision or (2) Tim moves immediately. We chose to appeal on the grounds that (1) Tim’s offense was at age 14 and nearly 15 year ago. Even the BCA doesn’t track that far back. (2) Tim successfully completed sex offender treatment and hasn’t had any interactions with the law since 1991 and (3) Tim has lived in our home, with our son and other foster placements for years without any inappropriate interactions.
We lost the appeal process and were told that Tim had to go. Rachel and I just couldn’t do it. After nearly 5 years, we love him too much and wouldn’t turn him back onto the streets ever again. We told the County that Tim is family and we were choosing to keep him and have our licensed revoked. Again we were praised for our great work and our commitment to Tim. We were also told that if he ever moves out, we should call them to have our license reinstated.
Well, as many of you already know, Rachel and I recently started the process of adopting 2 adorable little girls (Age 8 and 2). We’ve had numerous visits with them in preparation for their placement in our home on 7/20/06. We already love these kids. One critical item that needs to be in place is a reinstated foster care license. We were told this would be a simple process because of our noteworthy history as foster parents and the fact that Tim no longer lives in the home. Last month, we were able to help him get his very first apartment. He also has his own car and a job but he is close enough (same town) that we can help him when he stumbles.
Just as my wife was preparing to paint and decorate the bedroom for her new little girls; we got word that the deal is off. Our County told us that we cannot ever again have a foster care license because of Tim. They stated that even though he no longer lives with us, because we call him family, and because they know about his criminal past, they will require a background study on him anytime we file for a license. I’m a total wreck and my wife is devastated. The girls are very upset but worst of all is Tim. When Tim heard the girls weren’t coming, he hung is head and fought back the tears. My hear broke again when he said, “Its because of me isn’t it.”
So I guess I’ll finish as I began. When the Bible speaks of “the least of these”, the lepers, the tax collectors, the sinners or the unlovable… ask yourself, who do I say is the least? Is it alcoholics, drug addicts or even prostitutes? Or could it be a segment of society so vile you would be punished for even saving one? A much more important question to ask yourself is the same question Tim asks every day, “Is God’s love and forgiveness big enough even for a sex offender?”
We love you very much Tim.
Mom and Dad"
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