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chuck norris once brought a stillbirth cow back to live just in time to roundhouse kick it in the head and when asked why he did that he replied, "to show everyone that the good chuck givith and the good chuck taketh away".
When Chuck Norris jumps in water he doesn't get wet, the watter gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris's blood cures cancer, aids, and all other known diseases but can not be used because nothing can pierce Chuck Norris Skin.
North Korea is trying to develope a Chuck Norris Deterent....So far...No such luck
A women coming home from a Chuck Norris self defence class killed 15 assailants utilizing nothing but round house kicks to the head. She celebrated her 96th birth the next night. Chuck bought her the birthday cake that he eventualy ate. YES....it was the one with the girl still inside.
If you squint your eyes while looking at all of Divinchi's paintings you will see Chuck Norris kicking the shit out of Satan.
Chuck Norris is banned by the NFL for violating is "Fair Competions" ruling. No team with chuck would ever loose.
Chuck Norris is banned from Major league Baseball because he broke Hank Arrons home run record in the first inning of a exhibition game.
Chuck Norris is banned from the NBA until they can find a way for the rims to withstand the round house dunk.
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