Tweet
What types of chicks to look for ?
Heed these 5 profiles for the inside scoop on the random stranger standing next to you at Starbucks.
THE DRAMA QUEEN
Key Features: A style that changes as frequently as her mood. Usually ranting about something you wouldn’t “understand” or “comprehend.” Makeup often applied hastily and/or severely. Frequently sports a befuddled or distant look on her face. Her eyes are often piercing.
The Scoop: She was put on this earth to confuse you. Never underestimate her power 0 manipulation.
Be Warned: She could be acting this way simply to convey her disinterest toward you. She might act normal around other people. She’s smarter than you think.
Her Type of Guy: No particular type, really, just someone who can tolerate the aforementioned mood swings. If you have access to an unlimited supply of stabilizing medications you might have a shot. Additionally, if you can decipher what she wants with even a 35% degree of accuracy at any given moment, then you’ve finally cracked an ancient and secret code and should be congratulated. Either that or your synapses are misfiring as much as hers are and you should think about moving in together.
Bonus Points: She’s never boring.
THE URBAN HIPSTER
Key Features: A style that can only be described as “calculatedly disheveled.” She often wears an ironic piece of clothing or accessory such as a class of 1984 Wisconsin track and field team T-shirt or a Molly Hatchet world tour shirt circa 1979 coupled with a tattoo of sorts (usually
located just above the waistband of her hip-
hugging jeans). Tongue piercings.
The Scoop: She’s playful, non-materialistic and unconventional.
BeWarned: It could simply meanthat she borrowed her older brother’s stuff because she was too busy doing ecstasy over the weekend to be bothered with laundry.
Her Type of Guy: The kind that would wear a mesh trucker’s hat with an equal degree of pride and disdain.
Bonus Points: She actually knows the difference between The White Stripes and Redd Kross (and other obscure musical references).
THE INTELLECTUAL
Key Features: A bohemian kind look consisting of oversized sweaters and 3/4 length plaid skirts. Makeup optional. Usually ranting about something you wouldn’t understand or comprehend (oddly enough she has something in common with the drama queen). Might be carrying some obscure book by Kierkegaard or Mark Dery
The Scoop: She graduated from an Ivy League school and makes no apologies about it. Spent a lot of time actually hitting the books, while you were hitting the bars.
Be Warned: She just might be in her third year at the local “Harvard by the Highway.”
Her Type of Guy: Someone she can match wits with who doesn’t mind hanging out in dingy coffee shops. In short — a guy who’s unemployed.
Bonus Points: Most assuredly a cheap date. Take her to a dive bar for dinner and she’ll be impressed.
THE TREADMILL TROLLOP
Key Features: Her style can be likened to that of a finely designed automobile— great curves. Hair is often longish and tied in a ponytail. Guys who work at the gym hang on her like accessories.
The Scoop: She’s looking at you to see if you’re looking at her.
Be Warned: She might not be single, just vain. Then again, you thought her Walkman was actually turned on — it’s not and she can hear every word you’re saying about her.
Her Type of Guy: If you can’t bench press the equivalent of the armoire she has in her bedroom, odds are you won’t be entering there anytime soon.
Bonus Points: Looks great in a leotard. Looks even better out of one.
THE GOOD GIRL
Key Features: This unassuming girl wears a lot of American Eagle and Abercrombie & Fitch. There’s nothing striking about her appearance — she’s perfected the art of blending in. She’s not afraid to wear sweats and flip-flops outside of the gym. She likes beer.
The Scoop: She’s the quintessential girl next door.
Be Warned: The good girl is not as transparent as you’d like to think. Don’t mistake her carefree attitude as an invitation to give her breakaways a tug.
Her Type of Guy: Odds are she’s either looking for her polar opposite (the bad boy) or a mirror image of herself.
Bonus Points: You can take her home to Mom.
THE DRAMA QUEEN
Key Features: A style that changes as frequently as her mood. Usually ranting about something you wouldn’t “understand” or “comprehend.” Makeup often applied hastily and/or severely. Frequently sports a befuddled or distant look on her face. Her eyes are often piercing.
The Scoop: She was put on this earth to confuse you. Never underestimate her power 0 manipulation.
Be Warned: She could be acting this way simply to convey her disinterest toward you. She might act normal around other people. She’s smarter than you think.
Her Type of Guy: No particular type, really, just someone who can tolerate the aforementioned mood swings. If you have access to an unlimited supply of stabilizing medications you might have a shot. Additionally, if you can decipher what she wants with even a 35% degree of accuracy at any given moment, then you’ve finally cracked an ancient and secret code and should be congratulated. Either that or your synapses are misfiring as much as hers are and you should think about moving in together.
Bonus Points: She’s never boring.
THE URBAN HIPSTER
Key Features: A style that can only be described as “calculatedly disheveled.” She often wears an ironic piece of clothing or accessory such as a class of 1984 Wisconsin track and field team T-shirt or a Molly Hatchet world tour shirt circa 1979 coupled with a tattoo of sorts (usually
located just above the waistband of her hip-
hugging jeans). Tongue piercings.
The Scoop: She’s playful, non-materialistic and unconventional.
BeWarned: It could simply meanthat she borrowed her older brother’s stuff because she was too busy doing ecstasy over the weekend to be bothered with laundry.
Her Type of Guy: The kind that would wear a mesh trucker’s hat with an equal degree of pride and disdain.
Bonus Points: She actually knows the difference between The White Stripes and Redd Kross (and other obscure musical references).
THE INTELLECTUAL
Key Features: A bohemian kind look consisting of oversized sweaters and 3/4 length plaid skirts. Makeup optional. Usually ranting about something you wouldn’t understand or comprehend (oddly enough she has something in common with the drama queen). Might be carrying some obscure book by Kierkegaard or Mark Dery
The Scoop: She graduated from an Ivy League school and makes no apologies about it. Spent a lot of time actually hitting the books, while you were hitting the bars.
Be Warned: She just might be in her third year at the local “Harvard by the Highway.”
Her Type of Guy: Someone she can match wits with who doesn’t mind hanging out in dingy coffee shops. In short — a guy who’s unemployed.
Bonus Points: Most assuredly a cheap date. Take her to a dive bar for dinner and she’ll be impressed.
THE TREADMILL TROLLOP
Key Features: Her style can be likened to that of a finely designed automobile— great curves. Hair is often longish and tied in a ponytail. Guys who work at the gym hang on her like accessories.
The Scoop: She’s looking at you to see if you’re looking at her.
Be Warned: She might not be single, just vain. Then again, you thought her Walkman was actually turned on — it’s not and she can hear every word you’re saying about her.
Her Type of Guy: If you can’t bench press the equivalent of the armoire she has in her bedroom, odds are you won’t be entering there anytime soon.
Bonus Points: Looks great in a leotard. Looks even better out of one.
THE GOOD GIRL
Key Features: This unassuming girl wears a lot of American Eagle and Abercrombie & Fitch. There’s nothing striking about her appearance — she’s perfected the art of blending in. She’s not afraid to wear sweats and flip-flops outside of the gym. She likes beer.
The Scoop: She’s the quintessential girl next door.
Be Warned: The good girl is not as transparent as you’d like to think. Don’t mistake her carefree attitude as an invitation to give her breakaways a tug.
Her Type of Guy: Odds are she’s either looking for her polar opposite (the bad boy) or a mirror image of herself.
Bonus Points: You can take her home to Mom.
Me likey 
Comment