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*stolen* (snickers HEHE)
Marriage (Part I)
>>
>>
>> Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
>> wedding, he laid down the following rules:
>>
>> "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
>> don't
>> expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the
>> table
>> unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
>> fishing,
>> boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't
>> you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
>> comments?"
>>
>> His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
>> there
>> will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're
>> here or not."
>>
>> (DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
>> ************************************************
>> Marriage (Part II)
>>
>> Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
>> wedding
>> anniversary!
>>
>> The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
>> reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
>>
>> "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
>> that
>> reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
>>
>> (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
>>
>> *****************************************
>>
>> Marriage (Part III)
>>
>> Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
>> table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in
>> bed either," and storms out of the house.
>>
>> After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends
>> and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
>> irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the
>> phone?"
>>
>> She says, "I was in bed."
>>
>> "In bed this early, doing what?"
>>
>> "Getting a second opinion!"
>>
>> (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
>>
>>
>> *****************************************
>>
>> Marriage (Part IV)
>>
>> A man has! six children and is very proud of his achievement. He
>> is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of
>> Six"
>> in spite of her objections.
>>
>> One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it! 's time to
>> go
>> home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
>> He
>> shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
>>
>> His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts
>> right
>> back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
>>
>> (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
>>
>> *****************************************
>> Marriage (Part V)
>> THE SILENT TREATMENT
>>
>> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
>> giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized
>> that
>> the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an
>> early
>> morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
>> silence
>> (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00
>> AM."
>>
>> He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the
>> man
>> woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his
>> flight.
>> Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him
>> when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is
>> 5:00
>> AM. Wake up!"
>>
>> (Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.)
Marriage (Part I)
>>
>>
>> Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
>> wedding, he laid down the following rules:
>>
>> "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
>> don't
>> expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the
>> table
>> unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
>> fishing,
>> boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't
>> you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
>> comments?"
>>
>> His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
>> there
>> will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're
>> here or not."
>>
>> (DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
>> ************************************************
>> Marriage (Part II)
>>
>> Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
>> wedding
>> anniversary!
>>
>> The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
>> reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
>>
>> "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
>> that
>> reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
>>
>> (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
>>
>> *****************************************
>>
>> Marriage (Part III)
>>
>> Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
>> table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in
>> bed either," and storms out of the house.
>>
>> After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends
>> and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
>> irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the
>> phone?"
>>
>> She says, "I was in bed."
>>
>> "In bed this early, doing what?"
>>
>> "Getting a second opinion!"
>>
>> (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
>>
>>
>> *****************************************
>>
>> Marriage (Part IV)
>>
>> A man has! six children and is very proud of his achievement. He
>> is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of
>> Six"
>> in spite of her objections.
>>
>> One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it! 's time to
>> go
>> home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
>> He
>> shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
>>
>> His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts
>> right
>> back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
>>
>> (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
>>
>> *****************************************
>> Marriage (Part V)
>> THE SILENT TREATMENT
>>
>> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
>> giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized
>> that
>> the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an
>> early
>> morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
>> silence
>> (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00
>> AM."
>>
>> He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the
>> man
>> woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his
>> flight.
>> Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him
>> when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is
>> 5:00
>> AM. Wake up!"
>>
>> (Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.)
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