REGISTER HERE

**petite** · 12-27-2002, 05:11 PM

Even though you may say you are just friends, when you are with a women intimately, she is probably in the hopes that you will fall in love with her. If you are going to have a one night stand then, do it with a stranger, not with a girl who is already your friend. Because, if she is your friend then, she already has some kind of feelings for you and to sleep with her will only make her feelings stronger.

**newgirl** · 12-27-2002, 07:40 PM

This is a complex question that really is more about the women you choose over generalizing.

Yes it is possible to have a "friends with benefits" type of relationship with no romantic overtures or expectations for a committed relationship. That being said most women today will are most willing to agree but deep inside fool themselves that is all they want......

I would venture to say that choosing a woman who is a bit older, has her own career -- already had her children, would be more likely to want an arrangement of which you speak.

I was one of those women.....recently separated and met a young, handsome guy who managed the gym I joined. We hit it off persoanlity wise very quickly and I was not really interested in anything other than to go out dancing, re-enter the single world, have some mindblowing sex (sorry do not mean to sound less than ladylike). I really did NOT want to enter a relationship at 40 years old, with a child and a time consuming career.

The guy and I took our friendship to a friends with benefits (ie sex, dates nothing more) situation. The sex was awesome, we got along great, would make plans to go out on some weekends together as he juggled a few other women. The only hard part for me was the lack of consistency to which he would see our scheduled dates -- I found that unfair of him and to this day, he will agree he was less than good about this part.

He dated alot of other women, I did not date other guys at first. I could feel myself comparing him to others and I realized that I was falling for him -- but I would NEVER ask more of him...I knew I was not ready for a relationship or commitment.

Well to make this long post short -- I figured I had better date other guys so as not to get attached and when I did, this poor guy just could NOT handle it. For a guy who said he wanted to run around and explore his options (and he was 12 years younger than me!), he got pretty upset when I did -- it occurred to him that he had fallen in love with me.

Fastforward a few years later.....we bought a house together and a few months after that eloped. I guess you could either say that these arrangements do not work -- or they work too well. BUT I was fine with things the way they had been as we both agreed that there was no commitment but there had to be respect (no blowing off a planned date or bailing early on an already agreed evening).....

It is hard to find a woman who is okay with this - but they are out there. It is just hard to tell who really feels that they are not into it for a possible future and certainly that they are not sure of what they really want either.

Sorry this was not all that helpful, huh?

**Skarn** · 12-27-2002, 11:04 PM

Actually it did help newgirl. Thanks for the womans insight. I am a lot like you were then. I am 35 and have a son and just want to have fun with this woman. I've talked to her tonight and she will come down to see me for New Years, but I've realized that we can't keep this up because she has fallen for me. It makes it easier that she lives over 5 hours away heh.

Thanks again.

And Petite, I agree wholeheartedly. I will no longer have sexual relations with friends that I know I have no long term interest in. One person ends up getting hurt every time.

**thegame01** · 12-28-2002, 12:16 AM

"my weakness in life is women"

isnt that every man's problem lol

"does anyone else have this problem where you just can't stop flirting with a women until you have her? i feel like i have some kind of disease. lol"

You do it's called a hard on

One night stands are very difficult with women you know,cause they do get attached emotionally and that complicates things.

GZ

**newgirl** · 12-28-2002, 09:29 AM

Well I do know someone who is young -- about 23-24 who LOVES older women and just cannot walk away from them. Unfortunately, he gets attached to them on alot of levels...girls his age lack some worldliness (his words) and he finds them to have nothing to say.....

Skarn I am glad my words were somewhat helpful.....and Petite is right -- a one nigth stand with someone you already have an intimate relationship (ie., friednship) is hard -- it crosses that line and it is hard going back.

One thing I was say, is that I am proud of you -- seemingly in your post you have shown a very caring side and not one that just wants to fuflfill your own desire. I do give you respect on this .... as you have earned it.

Good luck.

**Commando_Barbi** · 12-29-2002, 08:23 PM

I have to agree with Petite too. I just found myself in a situation recently. Something happened between myself and a friend whom I care for quiet a bit. Now.....I find myself in the position that when I see him flirt with a certain other female....it really bothers me. I wish I hadn't gone there....but I did and now I have to deal with it.

As far as one night stands go...... I have to admit...been down that road too. I am recently divorced from a 14 yr marriage that started when I was 18. Got a few things to get out of my system I guess.

Anyway, for myself, if I know it's a one niter type thing......I know that going in and don't allow myself to get emotionally attached. I don't think I would appreciate cold and business like.....but I wouldn't want any declarations of love either. If I hear that word too soon......I'm GONE. I feel like you have to set ground rules early. Be clear..and if someone starts to feel different you have to talk about it and adjust accordingly.

Just my .02 worth.

**Skarn** · 12-30-2002, 09:40 AM

Originally posted by Commando_Barbi
but I wouldn't want any declarations of love either. If I hear that word too soon......I'm GONE.
Just my .02 worth.

I hear ya CB! I am the same as you here.

Well, my "friend" is here for New Years....even after I told her we would only be just friends...she didn't take it too well at first, but now says she can handle the "casual intimacy" thing for a few more days heh.

I swear, after this, I'm going after the quality, long-term relationship that I and everyone deserve from life!

Happy New Year all and thanks to all the ladies for their insight and opinions

**Rhapsody** · 12-30-2002, 01:22 PM

I think NewGirl is right when she said find a woman a bit older, kids grown, and career established.

There lives are probably as busy as yours is and would welcome and "arrangement".

**Skarn** · 12-30-2002, 02:37 PM

Originally posted by Rhapsody
[BThere lives are probably as busy as yours is and would welcome and "arrangement". [/B]

Hmmmm Rhap, know anyone in particular? Maybe a Southern honey? Hehe, sorry, I had to be the first to flirt with ya on this board

**Rhapsody** · 12-31-2002, 02:21 AM

Originally posted by Skarn
Hmmmm Rhap, know anyone in particular? Maybe a Southern honey? Hehe, sorry, I had to be the first to flirt with ya on this board

I'd only hurt you, sugar

**Commando_Barbi** · 12-31-2002, 12:08 PM

I would be careful. I was in the same position and it was hard. I loved this guy a lot and he was not ready for a committment. Hell, I still love him and it wasnt until I decided to move on that he realized that he loved me too. Its been almost 3 yrs of back and forth but we are trying to get things back together. Unfortunately, because we were not together I took an assignment far away from him. Hes not able to come here because of his job and I dont retire for another 2.5 yrs so I cant go to him. Anyway.......at one point I was saying the same thing.... I can handle the casual thing....I would have said anything to keep him in my life. I figured that if I did that....eventually, he would wake up and realize how he felt about me. Needless to say, I was too emotionally tied to him and I couldnt take it. I finally had to end it because I was a basket case. Our relationship started out as friends and workout partners......towards the end.....I would be in tears half way through a workout because when I was with him....it made me realize that he didnt want the things I did. Finally, I had to end it for my own sanity. Didnt go back to the gym for about 3 months. NOT GOOD.

Just be careful. Theres a chance she is doing the same thing. Our emotions dont just turn off and on like that. If she cared yesterday.....she still cares.

C.B.

**Commando_Barbi** · 12-31-2002, 12:11 PM

Newgirl is definitily on the right track. Thats what I was looking for for a while when I got here......but now Im to the point where I think I need to be alone a while. That and there is a serious lack of prime beef up here. GRRRRRR.

C.B.

Think we need a sep section for Guys on Test Overload that will travel to service women stuck in crappy little places like this.

Did I say that out loud?

**newgirl** · 12-31-2002, 12:19 PM

LMAO OFF CB......I think you should take some of that energy (ahem) and use it on your bench press ...... just so you can inspire me more! We all know you are cranked and ready to rock on the leg press.....

**Commando_Barbi** · 12-31-2002, 12:21 PM

LOL why do you think I lift so heavy now. Im not GETTING ANY. He lives in Barbados and I am all the way up here in the FROZEN Fing NW.

Leg day today.....but its my weak part.....hams. YUCK.

REGISTER HERE

Announcement

Question for the ladies...

Question for the ladies...

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment