Help! Need advice.

[BABY1]

Hello All,

My husband is a member of these boards and I was hoping for some advice. We have a beautiful 3 month old daughter that we tried for for 4 years! My husband spends about 4 hours a day on these boards and works, and spends 2 to 3 hours a day at the gym. Not much time for his family right? This is my point! I am very frustrated and worried for our family. He pays no attention to me and not much to the baby. The only talking he really does to me is about himself, his gear, or his body. Everything is about him. I do practically everything around the house without much help from him. He is always to busy or sleeping. I just don't know what to do anymore. I do not want our daughter to grow up without her parents together, but I am doing it almost all alone anyway. He does not even go out with us when we have time to be together! Please give me some advice here. I understand the importance of his body and these boards. but 7 days a week at the gym now is kind of crazy. He does not even make time for me to get to the gym and get rid of this extra weight. I would like to feel good to!!

Please help, I am very concerned!
Thanks
Baby1

[PIT]

Thats nuts, 7 days a week and 2-3 hours in the gym a day. How long has this been going on?

[jetset]

Hey Baby1 I understand how easy it is to get caught up in all this, I did the same thing when I first gone on this board. Just on e thing you might want to tell him is that every moment he misses with his baby and you is time he will never get back. 10 years down the road from now ask him if he wants to look back and say what if. Its all about priorities. Family should always come first. When my son was born everthing change. Just tell him that this board will always be here but his baby will grow up and be gone before he'll know it. Good luck.

[jsjs24]

First of all, I think he's overtraining if he goes to the gym for 2-3 hours a day. And if I were you I would throw reality in his face and let him know what's going to happen if he doesn't reduce the time he spends on the boards and start spending more with you.

[NATE]

give us his name and we will remind him of his family when he logs on......I'll yell at him for ya.....

[jipped genes]

explain your feelings without making him choose. 2-3 hours at the gym is excessive. he may be scared of being a father and thats why he spends so much time doing other things. how old is he? parenthood ends alot of freedom and so makes you feel bound to the biggest responsibility of life. maybe he just dosnt want to participate in raising your child because he is scared of failure and he already is good at BB so he focuses on what he is good at. i would seek professional help darlin.

[NATE]

Originally posted by jipped genes
explain your feelings without making him choose. 2-3 hours at the gym is excessive. he may be scared of being a father and thats why he spends so much time doing other things. how old is he? parenthood ends alot of freedom and so makes you feel bound to the biggest responsibility of life. maybe he just dosnt want to participate in raising your child because he is scared of failure and he already is good at BB so he focuses on what he is good at. i would seek professional help darlin.

holy crap JG.....you been reading Cosmo or what!

[Slightly Enhanced]

Hmmm, I don’t know if this is a plea to us as a board, or an act of desperation to show “him” that you care. We have been through this before, back in October.

I, along with the rest of the board could offer you plenty of opinions and possible solutions. But it will all be useless to you. For you probably already know the answer for which you search.

If he reveals himself, and chooses to add his side of the story, then I think it would be appropriate for the board to add their thoughts. But until then you are asking us to take your side without hearing our friend’s words first.

[BABY1]

Thank you all for you replies. My husband just turned 36 and he does know better. He knows how much I care for him and love him. I just thought I would post because he raves about all of you. Unfortunatly, sometimes I have to go to these boards and read posts just to find out about my husband, because he doesn't talk much to me like he does on the boards. I think that is pretty sad! He is not against counseling but he says he has no time for that either. He knows when he is not doing the right thing but it does not seem to stop him. I do not want it to stop when it is to late. Maybe he will post a reply here or finally find some time to have a heart to heart with me. It really hurts me that we spent almost 4 long years doing infertility and we had our daughter from out third in-vitro. He wanted her so bad and all of that brought uscloser as a couple. Now we are very far apart. You all know him well.

Thansk
Baby1

[bowbow]

My wife used to feel the same way about me. I would work, lift, and get on the boards and read. I have a daughter that is 5 and a son that is 2. He is going to have to realize his family is the most important thing in his life. He could and should cut down on the gym time and minimize his board time as well. But he has to want to do this on his own.
My wife was complaining earlier to me to get off the computer and help do some housework. As much as I don't like it I do it.It takes the both of us to make things work and the little things like that are very important also. Let along spending time with his new daughter. I hope for your family he will realize it before it's to late.

[FUZO]

WAIT JUST ONE DONG GONE MINUTE.FIRST I DONT SPEND 2-3 HOURS A DAY IN THE GYM AND YES I GO EVERY DAY BUT ON MY OFF DAYS I DO CARDIO ABS,CALVES ECT.AND LISTEN HERE BABY 1 DONT MAKE ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF ALL MY BROTHERES AND SISTERS HERE I SPEND ALOT OF TIME WITH ANGELINA.YOUR JUST PISSED OFF THAT I DIDNT GO TO YOUR SISTERS TODAY.AND BY NO MEANS AM I AFRAID TO BE A FATHER NO WAY.I TO HAVE WAITED 4 YEARS FOR THIS TO HAPPEN SO I AM READY. BEEN READY.IF I AM GUILTY OF ANY THING I DONT CLEAN THE HOUSE AND LEAVE SHIT AROUND. BUT AS I'M TYPING HERE I SEE ALL YOUR SHIT ON THE TABLE OR THE DIAPERS NEXT TO THE WALL OR THIS DAMN STEPPER WE BOUGHT THAT JUST SITS HERE BECAUSE ITS NOT THE SAME AS THE HEALTH CLUB. I DIDNT WANT IT.AND I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD GO TO SEE SOME ONE WITH YOU MAKE THE APPOINTMENT.PEOPLE SHE TOLD ME EARLIER THAT SHE WOULD POST SOME THING LIKE THIS.I AM GOING TO SAY THIS AND IT MIGHT AFFEND SOME WOMEN HERE BUT HER HORMONES ARE RAGING AGAIN. HER HORMONES DID THIS IN THE BEGINING AND SHE GOT MEDICINE FIXED IT UP AND SHE WENT OFF AND SOME TIME THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. AND I TRY MY BEST TO DEAL WITH IT BUT WHEN YOU GOT CONSTANT *****ING IN MY EAR THEN YOUR GOING TO HEAR MY WRATH.AND YES THE ONLY THING I WAS EVER GOOD AT SOME THING WAS WORKING OUT ,THE GYM WHY I DIDNT DO SOME THING IN THIS FIELD AMAZES ME. BECAME A BUILDING ENGINEER INSTEAD.AND I WILL SAY THIS MY DAUGHTER MEANS THE MOST TO ME IN THE WORLD. AND YES MORE THAN MY WIFE AND SHE CANT STAND THAT.AND YES I DO LOVE MY WIFE VERY MUCH BUT MY DAUGHTER COMES FIRST NOW,WIFE SECOND. I AM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW I'M DONE FOR NOW

[FUZO]

AND ONE MORE THING I WATCH MY DAUGHTER EVERY TUESDAY AND THURSDAY NIGHTS AND EVERY OTHER SATURDAY WHILE MY WIFE WORKS

[FUZO]

AND JUST THIS MORNING WE WERE BOTH LOOKING FOR A CUTE PICTURE TOGETHER TO POST IT IN THE FORUM.NOTHING WAS WRONG THIS MORNING OR WHEN WE HAD SEX. BUT SINCE I DONT WANT TO GO TO YOUR SISTERS HOUSE YOU HAVE A FIT. BOTH YOUR SISTERS CALL SO FUCKING MUCH I HAVE NIGHT MARES ABOUT THEM.THERE COMING AFTER ME WITH TELEPHONES ATTACHED TO A AXE

[FUZO]

I AM SO FUCKING MAD AT HER,SHIT LIKE THIS MAKES THINGS WORSE. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING. SHE KNOWS HOW TO GET UNDER MY SKIN BUT GUESS WHO LOSES IN THE LONG RUN YOU NOT ME.

[OldWiseGuy]

As sure as I am old and wise these things I know. One must balance as you walk the tightrope of life. To lean to far one way or the other, one would fall and hurt oneself or others. And being far away from the problems of others and dealing mostly with my own problems. I can't pick sides and only wish that all will remain well and balanced. It's best to love your spouse and little ones with all your might and understanding. And if one wishs to fight then this is not the place to do it.