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Martian Air Force Denies Stories Of Ufo Crash
MARTIAN AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH
Gusev Crater (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false
rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares
Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today, General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless
high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".
The story broke late Saturday night when a major stationed at nearby
Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record with
a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down
in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop,
and "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases."
Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record
telepathically to contradict the earlier report. General Rgrmrmy The
Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming
across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by incidences
involving swamp gas. But the general public has been slow to accept the
Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the
"other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have
condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government
cover-up," pointing out that Mars has no swamps. They point to the
release of secret government memos detailing attempts to discredit
reports of the landings by alien
space craft. The memos discuss stategies to avoid troubles similar to
those caused by the War of the Worlds radio program of years ago. The
program, which featured a sensational story of gigantic oxygen breathing
two-eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet wide panic.
Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the alleged
landings, are even more sceptical. "I seen it with my own 5 eyes"
claimed Rhodo last week. "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my
adult life-form. Them things used to be few and far between but lately
they come in every few years or so. The government wants to bury the
truth but I can tell you what's real. The Earthlings are going to
invade and the government is spending our hard earned tax dollars on
press releases and denials instead of preparing for the battle to come."
A spokesthing denied any government involvement in the disappearance of
Rhodo, who has not been seen since shortly after
the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows that a planet with the
concentrations of water and oxygen found on Earth is a deadly and
inhospitable environment for the formation of life, much less
intelligent life. The fear and consternation caused by the unfounded
and wild speculations of citizens like Rhodo are a traitorous disservice
to the citizens of Mars."
Gusev Crater (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false
rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares
Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today, General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless
high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".
The story broke late Saturday night when a major stationed at nearby
Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record with
a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down
in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop,
and "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases."
Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record
telepathically to contradict the earlier report. General Rgrmrmy The
Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming
across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by incidences
involving swamp gas. But the general public has been slow to accept the
Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the
"other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have
condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government
cover-up," pointing out that Mars has no swamps. They point to the
release of secret government memos detailing attempts to discredit
reports of the landings by alien
space craft. The memos discuss stategies to avoid troubles similar to
those caused by the War of the Worlds radio program of years ago. The
program, which featured a sensational story of gigantic oxygen breathing
two-eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet wide panic.
Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the alleged
landings, are even more sceptical. "I seen it with my own 5 eyes"
claimed Rhodo last week. "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my
adult life-form. Them things used to be few and far between but lately
they come in every few years or so. The government wants to bury the
truth but I can tell you what's real. The Earthlings are going to
invade and the government is spending our hard earned tax dollars on
press releases and denials instead of preparing for the battle to come."
A spokesthing denied any government involvement in the disappearance of
Rhodo, who has not been seen since shortly after
the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows that a planet with the
concentrations of water and oxygen found on Earth is a deadly and
inhospitable environment for the formation of life, much less
intelligent life. The fear and consternation caused by the unfounded
and wild speculations of citizens like Rhodo are a traitorous disservice
to the citizens of Mars."
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