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LAWYERS 2
A man in a bar stands up and proclaims, "All Lawyers are ASSHOLES!"
A man at the front of the bar stands up and says "Hey! I resent that!"
So the first man asks, "Why are you a lawyer?"
"NO! I'm an asshole!
"
DEAR ABBEY - I HAVE A PROBLEM I have two brothers and two sisters, one
brother is a Lawyer, the other was just sentenced to death for murder.
My mother died from insanity when I was young. My two sisters are
prostitutes, my father sells narcotics to feed the family.
Recently I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she
served time for smothering her illegitimate child and I want very, much
to marry her, my problem is this...
If I marry this girl, should I tell her about my brother, the Lawyer?
Please advise ...
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An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil
appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition
for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your
clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and
you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your
soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your
parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your
friends and law partners."
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the
catch?"
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Attorney to witness: "And where was the location of the accident?"
Witness: "Approximately milepost 499."
Attorney: "And where is milepost 499?"
Witness: "About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500."
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces
height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet
above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically
correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in business."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're
going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position
you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
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A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you
make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied
the lawyer. "What do you do?"
The minister replied "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an
example.
The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but
instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
A man in a bar stands up and proclaims, "All Lawyers are ASSHOLES!"
A man at the front of the bar stands up and says "Hey! I resent that!"
So the first man asks, "Why are you a lawyer?"
"NO! I'm an asshole!
"
DEAR ABBEY - I HAVE A PROBLEM I have two brothers and two sisters, one
brother is a Lawyer, the other was just sentenced to death for murder.
My mother died from insanity when I was young. My two sisters are
prostitutes, my father sells narcotics to feed the family.
Recently I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she
served time for smothering her illegitimate child and I want very, much
to marry her, my problem is this...
If I marry this girl, should I tell her about my brother, the Lawyer?
Please advise ...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil
appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition
for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your
clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and
you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your
soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your
parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your
friends and law partners."
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the
catch?"
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Attorney to witness: "And where was the location of the accident?"
Witness: "Approximately milepost 499."
Attorney: "And where is milepost 499?"
Witness: "About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces
height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet
above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically
correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in business."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're
going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position
you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you
make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied
the lawyer. "What do you do?"
The minister replied "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an
example.
The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but
instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
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