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>Adult Fairy Tales
>
>Cinderella . . .
>Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her
>wicked stepmother won't let her.
>As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her
>fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide
>Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
>ball, but only on two conditions.
>
>"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
>Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
>"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your
>diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella
>agrees to be home by 2 a.m.
>
>The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella
>doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m., Cinderella
>shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
>
>"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother.
>"Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a
>pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
>
>"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of
>everything."
>
>"I know of no prince with that kind of power!
>Tell me his name!"
>
>"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter,
>something or other...."
> __________________________________________________ ____
>Pinocchio . . .
>
>Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would
>sometimes complain about splinters when they were
>having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
>Gepetto to see if he could help.
>
>Gepetto suggested he try little sandpaper
>wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away
>enlightened.
>
>A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio
>bouncing happily through town and asked him,
>"How's the girlfriend?"
>
>Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
> __________________________________________________ _____
>Little Red Riding Hood . . .
>
>Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the
>woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out
>from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
>throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains
>out!"
>To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached
>into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum
>and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not!
>You're going to eat me, just like it says in the
>book."
> __________________________________________________ ____
>Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse . . .
>
>Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce
>court and the judge said to
>Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
>
>Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I
>said she's fucking Goofy."
> __________________________________________________ ____
>
>Snow White and Pinocchio . . .
>
>Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the
>woods so she ran up to him, knocked him flat on
>his back, and then sat on his face crying,
>"Lie to me! Lie to me!"
> __________________________________________________ ____
>Captain Hook . . .
>
>Did you know... Captain Hook died from jock itch.
>_________________________________________________ _____
>Tarzan . . .
>
>One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was
>very attracted to him and during her questions
>about his life she asked him how he managed for
>sex.
>"What's that" he asked. She explained to him what
>sex was and he said, "Oh, I use hole in the trunk
>of tree."
>
>Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all
>wrong but I will show you how to do it properly."
>She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground
>and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must
>put it in here."
>
>Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and
>then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane
>rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to
>gasp, "What the heck did you do that for?"
>
>"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan
>
>Cinderella . . .
>Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her
>wicked stepmother won't let her.
>As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her
>fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide
>Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
>ball, but only on two conditions.
>
>"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
>Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
>"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your
>diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella
>agrees to be home by 2 a.m.
>
>The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella
>doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m., Cinderella
>shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
>
>"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother.
>"Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a
>pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
>
>"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of
>everything."
>
>"I know of no prince with that kind of power!
>Tell me his name!"
>
>"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter,
>something or other...."
> __________________________________________________ ____
>Pinocchio . . .
>
>Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would
>sometimes complain about splinters when they were
>having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
>Gepetto to see if he could help.
>
>Gepetto suggested he try little sandpaper
>wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away
>enlightened.
>
>A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio
>bouncing happily through town and asked him,
>"How's the girlfriend?"
>
>Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
> __________________________________________________ _____
>Little Red Riding Hood . . .
>
>Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the
>woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out
>from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
>throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains
>out!"
>To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached
>into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum
>and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not!
>You're going to eat me, just like it says in the
>book."
> __________________________________________________ ____
>Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse . . .
>
>Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce
>court and the judge said to
>Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
>
>Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I
>said she's fucking Goofy."
> __________________________________________________ ____
>
>Snow White and Pinocchio . . .
>
>Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the
>woods so she ran up to him, knocked him flat on
>his back, and then sat on his face crying,
>"Lie to me! Lie to me!"
> __________________________________________________ ____
>Captain Hook . . .
>
>Did you know... Captain Hook died from jock itch.
>_________________________________________________ _____
>Tarzan . . .
>
>One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was
>very attracted to him and during her questions
>about his life she asked him how he managed for
>sex.
>"What's that" he asked. She explained to him what
>sex was and he said, "Oh, I use hole in the trunk
>of tree."
>
>Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all
>wrong but I will show you how to do it properly."
>She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground
>and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must
>put it in here."
>
>Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and
>then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane
>rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to
>gasp, "What the heck did you do that for?"
>
>"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan
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