I want to stay clean and sober, this time I'm putting my recovery 1st as, according to my friends I always got clean but turned the gym into my addiction.
I had a long layoff from the 90's unti 07 when I cleaned up last time and from day 1 I "tasted" the gym in every aspect...this time it's as if I've gotta force myself to go and push harder, not that pushing hard is a bad thing.

Just wondering if anyone "lost it" and if or how long did it take for the desire to come back.
My goals or expectations are to start schooling for my trainers cert/physical rehab and now possibly paramedic training via the NYFD. I just miss that drive, that desire or need to workout like I did in the past. No matter what the day brought me i was always stoked cause at the end of the day I knew the iron would calm me down at the days end.
It may be low test as severe opiate abuse hinders or stops natty test production. The tests, from what I hear, is expensive and not all Dr's do it so I may have to look into finding a clinic that will do testosterone level testings.
When I got clean in 07 I went on my "own trt" and felt insanely awesome. It wasn't until I came off my suboxone that I slowly stopped the gym and eventually relapsed in 2013. Coming up on 10mnths this week. I dunno...maybe I'm expecting too much too soon? Scared that the feeling will never come back...