Some are kinda cute........

[BouncersBabe]

Tweet"The military announced this week they're planning to use trained sea lions and seals to guard our ships in the Persian Gulf. That's when you know we don't have any allies, when you have to turn to other species.... They're going to use sea lions to guard the ships and dolphins to locate the mines. In fact, you know the only animal that won't help us, the French poodle." —



Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds and it is guided by a GPS system. Isn't that an SUV? ... The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered



Do you know why they tested this bomb in Florida? It's conditions are almost identical to the ones in Iraq. Florida is full of people who don't speak English, lots of sand, warm climate, and, of course, in Florida they don't believe in fair elections either



President Bush found out something this week. Between the countries of Camaroone, Chile, Angola and Syria, Angola plays the best music when they put you on hold

The Pentagon is taking dozens and dozens of lawyers to the Persian Gulf to act as legal advisors. Sometimes you have to fight evil with evil

President Bush agreed today to allow more weapons inspectors in Iraq. As I understand he has 250,000 of them ready to go

CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium and unleaded



Bob Dole and Bill Clinton did a point/counterpoint segment on '60 Minutes' and both of them brought their own sponsors. Bob Dole of course had Viagra and Clinton had Dupont Stain Master Carpets

Turkey has voted not to allow U.S. troops into their country and Saddam Hussein said 'You can do that?

Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then, he declares war



You know the saddest thing about that interview with Saddam Hussein? He actually came off more normal than Michael Jackson and Robert Blake

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq

My girl friend wanted to go somewhere expensive for the weekend. So, I took her down the street to the local Texaco

Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free



Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language

Saddam Hussein has given an exclusive interview to Dan Rather for '60 Minutes' in which he said he has 'no intention of leaving, stepping down or going into exile.' He said he would rather die than leave. Just like the cast of '60 Minutes.



Bulgarian pimps have been moving armies of prostitutes across Europe to await the arrival of US troops. Hey, that's more than the French are doing for us



In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, education – anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda – and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out

"President Bush is once again getting tough with Iraq. He said today we have to stop Saddam Hussein from playing hide-and-seek with his weapons. Hey, we can't even stop Michael Jackson from playing hide-and-seek with his weapons

It seems a lot of our soldiers are giving their sperm and then freezing it before they go off to war with Iraq. See, the good part about this is they are building up their hand-to-hand combat skills

"The state of Texas executed its third prison inmate this week. This week. In fact, they don't even have a last meal anymore, now it's a buffet

As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil, it's about gasoline

The Bush administration says it will file a brief with the Supreme Court over the University of Michigan's affirmative action policy, saying it's wrong to determine acceptance based on race. Bush said acceptance should be based on fair things like what private school you went to, who's your dad, how much money you gave to the alumni fund.

[pucknutz78]

Tweet"The Pentagon is taking dozens and dozens of lawyers to the Persian Gulf to act as legal advisors. Sometimes you have to fight evil with evil"

Ouch...

[gongshow]

Tweethaha not bad

[rado]

TweetLOL...funny