IPL'S JOKES FOR THE DAY~

[IronpumpedLady]

TweetDUMB AND DUMBER~
Stupid On The Beach
>
>A mother and father took Little johnny to a nude beach. As the boy walked
>along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than
>his mother's, and asked her why.
>
>She told Little johnny, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
>
>Little johnny, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but
>returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than
>his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person
>is."
>
>Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
>
>Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy
>is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the
>dumber he gets."
>
===========================
LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINS~

You must read out loud

1) That's not right ................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ................................. Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ................................ Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ................... Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ............... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ..................... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet .............. Wai !
Yu Mun
Ching
11) This is a tow away zone ................... No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ..................... Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah

================================

For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the
things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken
literally..... (this is priceless!)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming
around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised
and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his
"private part"
hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon,
she'd come and pick me up from school."

==========================
Best Divorce Letter Ever

DEAR WIFE
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been
a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a
new haircut,
had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk
boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!>

************************************************** *******************

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the �49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I
hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care. Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.




Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL

[gator_mclusky]

TweetLMFAO!~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have the same prollem at the beach!!!!lol

gator