What would you do in this situation?

[alwayzgrowing]

TweetI find myself in a little bit of a predicament. I am 20yrs old, will be 21 in june. I am an assistant personal trainer manager, and will be manager within 6 months. As soon as the manager moves. So i am making pretty good money.

So now my predicament. By the end of this year, ill have enough money saved to put at least 20%, (if not more) down on a house/townhouse. Well, if i want a 500,000 house i wont but anyway. Most of you have probably read my previous post abot my brother and his problem. My parents are divorced, and hate each other. They diviroced while i was young, and ot back together about 3 years ago. They recently had a nasty breakup in the fall. In the process, they lost almost all control they have over my brothers. The only control they have over them goes through me.

So i am torn between moving out on my own, and staying here to help my family. I hate relying on other people, so i really feel the need to move out. On the other hand, i think my family needs my help. So im torn.

anyone ever have something like this? i just need some insight/xperiences. sorry for explaining my whole life. im done.

[bigjim33]

Tweetthis is a very tough situation and i can't give you an answer, it will depend on you. i care about my family a lot also so i understand that part. i would probably stay and help out my bros a little longer, then move out on my own. but if you feel the need to get out then it is your call

[Cory]

TweetBro, I personally think you should take of yourself at this point!! Your parents are grown adults and they are the PARENTS, not you!! They should know how to control their children at this point. They should put aside their own problems when it comes to your brothers and be mature about it. If you keep taking care of every thing, people will rely on that and take advantage of that and you will be the one sacrificing all your time and energy. I know you care about your family and all, but there comes a time when you have to take care of your own needs and let them deal with their problems!! Remember, they are grown adults!! Just my .02, but I'm not in your situation, so it may be more complicated than it seems!! Good luck with that, bro!!

[CJWolf]

Tweeti think you have a duty first to your family and then to yourself ...

i would stick around for their benefit. If they're left on their own, it'll just go downhill even more ...

[alwayzgrowing]

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Originally posted by CJWolf
i think you have a duty first to your family and then to yourself ...

i would stick around for their benefit. If they're left on their own, it'll just go downhill even more ...

that is the whole thing. my paretns are grown, but my brothers just say fuck them, and dont listen. the only reason my brother is gettin help is because i talked to him. they know when i come at them, they give me respect. im not their parent, i am their older brother by 2,3 or 5years. so they listen. just tryin to get some opinions here. i have a few months before i need to decide.

One advantage of staying home is investing some more money for a while. tough tough choice.

[Cory]

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Originally posted by CJWolf
i think you have a duty first to your family and then to yourself ...

i would stick around for their benefit. If they're left on their own, it'll just go downhill even more ...

I disagree, he is the child, they are the parents. It is not his responsibility to take care of his brothers. At this point in his life he needs to be exploring and starting his own life with his own place, a girlfriend, possibly starting his own family. He is a MAN now!!!!!

[bigjim33]

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Originally posted by Cory
I disagree, he is the child, they are the parents. It is not his responsibility to take care of his brothers. At this point in his life he needs to be exploring and starting his own life with his own place, a girlfriend, possibly starting his own family. He is a MAN now!!!!!

you are right, but there is the old saying "blood is thicker than water". i mean i am not trying to argue with you cory cuz you know your my bro, but i would do anything for my family no matter what.

[Cory]

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Originally posted by alwayzgrowing
that is the whole thing. my paretns are grown, but my brothers just say fuck them, and dont listen. the only reason my brother is gettin help is because i talked to him. they know when i come at them, they give me respect. im not their parent, i am their older brother by 2,3 or 5years. so they listen. just tryin to get some opinions here. i have a few months before i need to decide.

One advantage of staying home is investing some more money for a while. tough tough choice.

Your parents may be grown, but they have a lot of maturing to do if they can't control your brothers. Its as simple as "if you don't do what I ask or give me back-talk, I will beat your ass. And they need to follow through on their promises.

[CJWolf]

Tweetso if the father ran off on the mother, the oldest son should say fuck it and move out on his own and take care of only himself?

i say that the first duty is to family.

[Cory]

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Originally posted by bigjim33
you are right, but there is the old saying "blood is thicker than water". i mean i am not trying to argue with you cory cuz you know your my bro, but i would do anything for my family no matter what.

Oh I would to, but there is a fine line between doing what you can to help out and making huge sacrifices. Some people will take advantage of that and get use to it always being like that. Then, it will be much harder to make that break later on.

[THE JUICE]

TweetYour a big boy now bro. Gotta be thinking about your future man, istead of just being their worring about everything. I know that family comes first but think of this "ARE YOU GONNA BE LIKE THIS WHEN YOUR 35 LETS SAY 50" taking care, when you couldve done something with your life and maybe have enough money to have them taken care of. Like you say bro, your gonna make enough money, maybe there is a way to take care of them. Only God knows bro. But for rightnow help out but try to think of your future bro.

[Doom]

TweetSounds like its your parents that need to get their act together, not you.

I would have to be inclined to say you have to do whats best for you. Lets say that you do stick around and help your brothers, that may in fact damage and plans that you have to further yourself in life. Your brothers are minors, and its your parents responsibility to make sure that they are kept in line, and do whats right, and in turn do right by them. Now with the hatred, and a non tight family unit, yes these things are going to be hard, but there comes a time in your life, where you must pick up, and move along. You need to view the world through your owns eyes, and base your decesion according to what is best for you, not whats best for someone else.

Im sure with some time the right decesion will come to you, but I do believe that at some point in your life, regardless if its family or friend, once in a while, you have to come first before all others.

[bigjim33]

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Originally posted by Cory
Oh I would to, but there is a fine line between doing what you can to help out and making huge sacrifices. Some people will take advantage of that and get use to it always being like that. Then, it will be much harder to make that break later on.

it seems like right now he is making an impact on his brothers though as they only listen to him, so i would say he is making a positive impact in helping out. his parents should get their stuff together though and actually learn from his example. i would want to get out on my own too, but i just couldn't leave my family if i knew i could help

[Cory]

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Originally posted by CJWolf
so if the father ran off on the mother, the oldest son should say fuck it and move out on his own and take care of only himself?

i say that the first duty is to family.

No, I think he should devide his time equally between himself and his family. He should still get his own place and check in every now and then to make sure everything is going OK. But to hold himself back from making major decisions about his own life is a shame.

[BENNYBOOM]

TweetFollow your heart and help out the family.Your family are one of the things in life that truly matters.Put your money in a safe investment and take care of business.In the long run it will make you a bette man.