For some reason I decided to pick up the phone today. Since I am the big boss man this is a rare occurrence around here. Actually you don't want to speak to me because I have no idea how to do anything around here. I know how to order lunch and how to pull my own **** out of the warehouse ( but , I still don't use the required systems and paper work to do this. So I know how to order lunch).

I have serious **** to do around here like moving my desktop icons from one monitor to the other and trying to figure out what screen resolution to use. It is so bad they took my computer off the network so I could not screw anything up. After the locks were changed last time the only key they gave me was to the weight room. I am not sure what this means but I have come to terms with my inadequacies.

I do however try to pull rank sometimes and call a staff meeting and suggest a bunch of changes only to find out they changed the old way a YEAR ago. Yes, I am a business guru!

We were a bit short staffed today and the phones were going nuts. I remember sitting here listening to it ring and noticing everyone else was on other lines. All I thought is, "oh, man I hope this is not an order" because I have no idea what to do. Like a new employee on their first day and had to build up my courage and get into "peak" state to take the call.

I pick up the phone and say "hello".

****!

I forgot to say "Thank you for calling Elite Fitness Systems" this is Dave how can I help you.

"Is this Elite Fitness Systems", the caller asked.

Yes, this is Dave how can I help you?, I replied.

Then old memories came flushing back to me. The "old school" days years ago where I took all the phone calls. I leaned back in my chair and positioned myself for what I knew was coming. It was so common years ago and became one of the main reasons I had to hire staff in the first place. People would call me all the and then say, "Is this THE Dave Tate?"

I can't lie, it has been a long time since I have had my ego stroked and I am coming off a bad week. I was already thinking of the story I could tell Jim on the flight to Jersay tomorrow. ( you know trying to make it look like I did something). So I arched up to crack my upper back and then adjusted my neck and I was ready to roll.

The voice on the other side of the line said, "Hey Dave is there someone there I can talk to about my training real quick?"

SHATTERED! I was totally SHATTERED.

I then knew what to do. I was going to send the call to Jim or John. Their lines were both free now so all I had to do was put the caller on hold and forward the call.

Then I looked at my phone and realized this was not an option. There is a red button with an upside down phone on it and an orange one with a phone with an arrow pointing down. I knew I use one of them to place the caller on hold but had NO IDEA what one. I figured I had a 50/50 shot but did not want to hang up on the guy. If I did figure out what button to use it would not have mattered because I have NO CLUE how to send the call to someone else (it took me two years before I knew I had a voice mail on the phone). There are a zillion buttons on my phone. What ever happened to the 0-9 concept with an * and # tossed in for balance?

...Max Effort Perceived Exertion Scale

Class V (aka - Pure Puss) - This is when you see a lifter try and weight and right when it gets hard they stop pushing. After pulling the weight off them (normally not a problem as it is SO light) they walk away like it was no big deal with a smile on their face and say "maybe next time".

NEXT TIME MY ASS! Not unless to grow a pair a balls that hang in the tea bag between you legs.

Class IV (aka - Sweat Stain) - At this stage you see some intensity but most is fake and not deep rooted. More of an "eye of the tiger" type thing. Maybe some dancing and light self talk. The key indicator with this phase is the breaking out of sweat. This is more than likely due to fear of heavy weights ( sorry I mean to say weight - not heavyweights) but it is still there. This group will strain into a sticking point and then you will hear a SLIGHT grunt like they are really trying hard but this normally does not work and they miss the weight. This group does get frustrated because they have not made any gains in several years and takes it out by making slanderous posts on internet forums. They however are approaching hardcore even if it is only in their own minds. They do however have balls but they are being hindered by all the under armor gear they wear.

Class III (aka - Bellow Bastard) - This guy has it all down. The outfit has been preselected for its "hardcoreness". He has the perfect practiced approach to the bar that is always staged to the right music. He knows exactly what to say and bellow so everyone knows he is going for the "big one" His success rate is much higher than the classes before because he really does give a ****. He wants to get stronger even though in his mind he is already one of the best of all time and is only getting beat because of drugs, judging or gear. If he does miss it is a pretty legit miss so we are getting closer to real max effort work. When he does miss is is not only frustrated but pissed off.

Class II (aka - First Tapping) - Now we get to the level of 70% of those who train hard. This is the level where they are almost there but just don't get it yet. Their is no doubt they try hard and bust their ass but they just can't make the next step. They will push into a weight and keep pushing forever until someone pulls it off. Granted while this is happening all the Elite guys are thinking the guy is a total moron for doing it. If they do make a weight they are always looking for some type of high five, fist tap and congrats meanwhile not understanding they were SUPPOSED to make it in the first place. Now if they miss a weight it messes with their head for days and perhaps weeks. They freak out trying to figure out what happen and drive EVERYONE nuts about it. It is ALL they talk about and they just can't let it go. In time they either quit or finally figure it out and move on to the next level.

* At this point the AKA's are dropped because of the cross over effect. This effect means they now know what strength is and don't have to pretend to know. In other words they grew a set of balls. After this point if a weight is missed it will bother the lifter but they normally find an external excuse for the miss and figure if it was not for that one thing they would have got the weight. Thus, missing is not really an issue anymore.

Class 1: This is when real max effort work begins to take root. No longer is the movement just about muscles. When the strain happens at ths stage everything begins to get messed up. You can see stars, hear voices, black out, bleed from the nose and ears, break blood vessels in your head, tear muscles off and a entire host of other things plus a few that have not happened yet. The door is wide open here but this is the level that has to be respected and mastered. This is where most max effort work will happen. Anything under this level is really known as sub-maximal and anything above this level ( while necessary) has to be regulated.

Masters: There is not much difference with this class and the class before except for when the lift is over the lifters says to himself "Man, that was really stupid". This is one level over the one before and needs to be controlled.

Elite: This is when you strain through a lift and when it is over you sit down and your training partners all look at you and say "Dude, are you OK? That was so stupid"

You know they said "something" but really have no idea what it was. You just look at them and say "thanks dude" and go back to staring into space.

This is the KING of max effort work and will normally screw up the rest of your day and most of the next day. Your recovery will defiantly be effected and you will HURT in places you did not know existed. You also experience all the same effects as the other classes ( see stars, hearing voices, blood, sweat, etc) but this is pretty much excepted at this point anyhow and considered part of the warm up.