A woman and her purse...what gives?

[NATE]

TweetSo it's 4:15 am this morning and i'm getting ready to leave for work. As i'm walking out the door i realize that i don't have a key to open up shop as i had taken it off my key ring to get several new ones made the night before. I had set the new keys on the counter next to my morning supplements so i would'nt forget them. Of course my wife didn't care for their placement and had moved them without telling me. I look around in all the normal spots that odd objects get moved to and don't find them. We're talking 8 keys on a ring so they should be easy to find, right? I can wake up my wife at any point and ask her where they are but it's very early and i didn't have the heart to wake her up. Plus, at this point i'm thinking that i had misplaced them. I look around trying to be quite as i can for about another ten minutes, getting more and more frustrated with every passing second and sadly to say i did lose it for a second and headbutted my fridge leaving a nice fat dent in stainless steel ( i'll pay dearly for that) So now i don't have any time to waste so i do go ask the wife if she moved them. She says "yes" ( of course) and then say's "they're in my purse" Ohh good *ucking god not the purse! please say you didn't just say "my purse" Not my arch enemy, not anti-Nate ...Please let this be a bad dream..PLEASE! but knowing what i have ahead of me i take the bad news rather well (not really but lets pretend for a moment shall we?) I don't know about you guys but i have big issues with my wifes purse...BIG issues!

Walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen i'm pumping myself up for the battle cuz i know whats about to go down. I do have hope that they will be sitting right on top and i'll barely have to open the purse to snatch them out as fast as i can....but no, it's not going to be that easy...it never is.. I then turn the corner into the kitchen and there it is in a dark room somehow catching the only ray of moonlight in kitchen just to taunt me. Like it knew i was coming and set itself in the perfect postion to stare me straight in the face and whistle that damn Clint Eastwwod tune...oh yeah baby, this is a fight now and i will prevail! (haha, i wish)

So yeah, its a purse no big deal, right? Again, i wish.....I open this freakin' thing and put my hand into the main part hoping to hear the jingle of keys clanking together...i get nothing. I do the same for all the other endless pouches, secret pouches and the secret of the secret pouches rendering nothing. Question here, is there an end to purse pouches? i mean c'mon whats the deal? As always i feel as if i have opened pandoras box eternally damning all men. Somebody has laid the curse upon me so i have no problem passing it on to the the next unlucky guy thats forced to fight the power of the purse. Ok, to get back to my struggles... I tried the run the hand through/ jingle method and now know that i need to be a bit more aggressive in my approach. Yep, the take all big objects out and do the hand passing jingle method. I get nothing. To explain something here for a second, for some strange reason whenever i have to battle my arch enemy i never want to disturb any of it's contents. Why i do not know, but i don't....So now this is taking WAY to much time an i need to take drastic measures...With all the large objects out i go to the next size and take them out keeping them arranged how she had them so she can put them back the way they where. There is a reason they are in there this way, right? Again, i do not find the keys and walk away mad as hell! I mean wtf is going on here? theres hardly anything in the purse and i can't find jack!?!?!? I find myself heading back the my bedroom to wake up the wife (again) and then stop figuring thast if she said they were there, they are. I head back to the kitchen for the final showdown (bc if they are not there the purse is going into the fireplace...gone FOREVER!

Back to the purse i go, brimming of a false sense of confidence and somehow finding it in me to fool myself into thinking i will find what i'm looking for. I run my hand through the endless compartments once more... finding nothing. I shake it, still nothing. I squeeze the livin sh!t out of it as if it will crack and cough them up....still, nothing. I take everything out, turn it upside down shake it....still nothing. Now this damn $300 purse ( that i bought for her) is laughing at me and laughing very loudly! I slam it on the counter as my wife rounds the corner of the kitchen....Sh!t, i'm so busted, soooooo freakin busted! She looks at me, looks at the purse, looks at the mess i have made, moves me aside and with one sweeping nonstop motion puts her hand in the purse and comes out with my keys. It took her all of .5 seconds to find them! i was like WTF was that? She turns to me without saying a word and hands me the keys.

How is that possible? please somebody tell me it's some cosmic force, some black magic or something, make it up...i don't care. This is just not right in any sense of the word!

Good thing it's her birthday bc when i get home that purse is going to mysteriously disappear. I will have my revenge, you can count on that

[daved150]

TweetBRO...ALL I CAN SAY IS I'M GLAD IT'S NOT JUST ME!!! I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH....BEEN THERE MYSELF...SORRY FOR THE TRAMA YOU WENT THROUGH BRO...