Chuck Norris.............

[angryoldman]

TweetWhen the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

[O2BESOHUGE]

TweetAOM YOUR ONE BENT DUDE!

[McKenzie]

TweetWhen Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris' sweat is 10 times more potent than Cheque Drops... and 100 times more androgenic than Trenbolone.
A Chuck Norris pubic hair can penetrate a 1" steel plate.

Chuck norris once burnt 1,500 calories just by looking in the mirror

When the Boogeman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

[a-bomb83]

Tweetwhere have you all been?

[daved150]

Tweet

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

THAT'S FUNNY...I GOTTA USE THAT ONE!

[McKenzie]

Tweet

where have you all been?

DONT EVEN make me break bad on your ass today

[a-bomb83]

Tweetlol, what are you talkin about? ha!

[supasaiyan99]

TweetWTF?

[mrthnhmn]

TweetAny1 tell me what he birth name is/was?

[Gooseneck]

TweetI'm not even sure what to say.

[lxorl]

Tweeti like this one

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

[McKenzie]

TweetSo...do ya'll want me to post more...cuz I have more.

[McKenzie]

TweetChuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks ass until he’s full.

Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent

E=MChuckNorris

[O2BESOHUGE]

TweetWHAT IS THIS CHUCK NORRIS STUFF?

[kite]

TweetSuperman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.