funny bar jokes

[BiggKay]

TweetA man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make 'em doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doin' all this drinking.
"You'd drink 'em this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I only have a dollar."

[BiggKay]

TweetA guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. in front of him he see's a big jar full of 5's and a little card it reads: Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5 So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. 2 minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves.
THE NEXT DAY:
The same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says: You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. $10 So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. 4 minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"

[BiggKay]

TweetTwo drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man. They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I'll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off." The second man agrees to this and they start thier rounds. When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer. The bartender tells them, "That will be 3 dollars."
The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog.
"You faggots!", screams the bartender. "Get the hell out of here!"
They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his knees. The bartender throws them out. After the sixth bar the second man complains, "Man this isn't working out so well, My knees are killing me!" "You think you've had it bad..", the first man exclaims. "I lost the hotdog 4 bars ago!"

[BiggKay]

TweetA young man walks up and sits down at the bar. 'What can I get you?' the barman inquires. 'I want six shots of whisky,' responds the young man.'Six shots? Are you celebrating something?' 'Yeah, my first blowjob.' 'Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house.' The young man says, 'No offence sir, but if six shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will.'

[BiggKay]

TweetA man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads "$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details." Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize.
"You have to do three things and its all yours," the bartender says. "Just three things?" the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and imagining about walking out of the bar $2,000 richer. "What are the three things?" "Well," the bartender says, "first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out..." "After that, I've got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled...""Then you have to go and make love to the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs."
"No problem," the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, "Hey pal your shoelace is untied." When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man flattens him with a single, solid uppercut. Next he heads to the back room where the pitbull is housed. The bartender can heara tremendous commotion from the back room it sounds like the pitbull has gone crazy.
After a few minutes the man emerges from the backroom, quite bloody and cut up and breathing heavily. "Okay," he says, "where's the old broad that needs her tooth pulled??"

[jack hust]

Tweetlol

[gongshow]

Tweetlol, i like the horse one