Having a Bad Day

[countrychic]

TweetHAVING A BAD DAY? READ ON...

There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve
the mystery... as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on Sundays.
So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were
holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, The part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.


Still Having a Bad Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the mostexpensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whaleatethem both.


Still think you are having a bad day?(OH MY GOD COULD YOU IMAGINE THIS ONE LOL)

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire
running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm intwo places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

YOURS IS STILL A BAD DAY, HUH?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sendingpigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

WHAT ? STILL THINK YOUR DAY IS BAD?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting
it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

THERE NOW, FEELING BETTER ?

[BiggKay]

TweetA GIRL'S FIRST TIME!!!

(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time.
As you lie back your muscles tighten.
You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be
swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the

right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he
promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust
him - he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an
easy entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time,
wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer,going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges

throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he
continues.
He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.
Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to
go on.
He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him
within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it
out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have

been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist.
After all,it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinkin'?
PERVERT

[pudgy]

Tweetyes thanks chick

[TXShooter]

TweetLOL, made my day!

[BiggKay]

TweetMATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman,
you must love her a lot and not try understand her at all.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes,
there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE


Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

[morebeefplease]

Tweetlol....oh the irony

[BiggKay]

TweetVery seldom I forward things, but this is
> really good one please enjoy and get back with me and
> tell me what you thing about it. This is pretty neat.
> Apparently the owners of this house had been seeing
> images and hearing voices for quite a while. They did
> some research and found that a lady once lived in the
> house who lost her husband during the civil war.
> Legend says that she used to sit at the table and look
> across the fields in anticipation of her loved one
> returning home. He never came.
>
> So, they say she still waits. They caught this photo
> of what they claim to be her.
>
> This one was wild and a little spooky once you find
> the ghost in the picture. It took me a few seconds to
> find it, but when you do, it just stands out. Like one
> of those optical illusions.
>
> To save you some time, concentrate around the table.
> Best not to focus too much on one spot. Look around
> the table and toward the window. Keep looking, you'll
> eventually see it.
>
> Click on the link below for the picture. Best to
> enlarge. For an added touch turn up the volume, it's
> faint, but the low murmur you hear was what got the
> photographer's attention first.
>Don't forget you must turn your volume way up and enlarge the picture to get
the full affect. !!

https://home.attbi.com/~n9ivo/whatswrong.swf

[jack hust]

Tweetlol

[BiggKay]

TweetA woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither
of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.
That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but we're unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should
meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "and look at
this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but
this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate
our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half
the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on,
and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies," No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

[BiggKay]

Tweetcan you say DiZZy???

https://www.mantasoft.co.uk/_stuff/Recursive.swf

[THE JUICE]

Tweet nice

[BiggKay]

TweetEvery day two women would come out of work together and look for their car. But all the cars in the lot looked the same, so they sat around until all the cars were gone and then they would get in the last car and go home. One lady said to the other, "We need to find a faster way to get home." So the next day they went to work on a camel. After work they came out and the parking lot was full of camels. So the first lady went around lifting up the tails of all the camels. The second lady said, "What are you doing?" The first lady said, "When we came in today I heard someone yell "'Look at those two assholes on that camel!!'"

[BiggKay]

TweetThere were two blondes, one was on one side of the lake and one was on the other. One blonde yelled to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde yelled back, "You're already on the other side!"

[BiggKay]

TweetQ: What two things in the air can get a girl pregnant?

A: Her feet!

[BiggKay]

TweetA newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance!Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance.Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer.It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge.She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly.We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."

"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"

"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."