Jipped- This one's for you brother

[Morgan]

TweetDiary of a Viagra Housewife

Day 1 -- Just celebrated our 25th anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2 -- Today he told me he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I DON'T know! I mean, give me a break! He's been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp!

Day 3 -- This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs you know! Sometimes I need something too! Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears!

Day 4 -- A miracle has happened!! There's an new drug on the market that will fix his "problem". It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He asked me if this time I would say HIS name at the "glorious moment".

Day 5 -- Oh what a glorious morning!! The sun is shining, the birds are singing. My needs have been fulfilled. Everything is perfect.

Day 6 -- Again!

Day 7 -- This Viagra thing is going to his head. (No pun intended) Yesterday, at Burger King, the kid behind the counter asked him if he wanted a whopper. He told him, "No thanks. I've already got one."

Day 8 -- I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new "friend" as a weed wacker.

Day 9 -- Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with hard cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working anymore. What am I going to do?

Day 10 -- I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with Black and Decker.

Day 11 -- I wish he was gay. I've bought him 20 Liza Minelli albums and the Sweatin' to the Oldies tape and he keeps coming after me.

Day 12 -- Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile!

Day 13 -- I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing works. I even started dressing like a nun. He says penguins turn him on.

Day 14 -- I can't take it anymore. I think I'm going to have to kill him. I just worry about one thing-how will they ever get the lid to close on his casket?

[Luftdude]

TweetLmfao

[jack hust]

Tweetthats funny

[ballsmyberries]

TweetSweat!

[njjuicer]

TweetLOL