I was lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose.
A young student nurse came in and gave me a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' I mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
I struggled to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that I might elevate my blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about my testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises my gown, holds my manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir.
They look fine."
I managed to slowly pulls off my oxygen mask, smiled at her, and said very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"








A funny thing happed when I ...
... went out to get the newspaper this morning, there was bear on my roof!
I googled 'bear removal' and found a guy that said he could be here in 1/2 an hour.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van.
He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do?" I asked.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.
When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his balls and not let go.
The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
Then he hands me the shotgun.
"What am I suppose to do with this?" I asked.
"If the bear knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog."