Keys for a successfull long lasting relationship ??

[diggi]

TweetWhat do you people think ? esp. you the ones who are married.

What does it take to have a long lasting relationship so it doesn't get "boring" and then all the drama, cheating and other BS starts...

share your info.

[kite]

TweetI'm twice divorced, don't listen to a damn thing I say about relationships.

[diggi]

Tweethahahaha lmfao

[daved150]

Tweeti've been with the same woman for 15, almost 16 years. we've had our ups and downs. no matter what, we talked every fight through to the end (many late night shouting matches!!) she's been convinced at different time's of our relationship, that i was cheating. i never, EVER cheated, but you couldnt tell her that (she's italion, you know how passionate, and pig headed they are!). i never got so p.o.'ed at an acusation that i ran (or left) my house. i've never slept on a couch. i would insist that we talk it out!! no easy way out. no running! and i'd tell her that if she tried to leave.
when the fights came, there was always another reason for them. maybe i wasnt attentive enough. i listened to her feelings, and made her discuss them. then, try to read between the lines.
the biggest thing that we've both done, is refused to grow up! we dont get "too old". i still chase her around the house, grabing at her butt, and she still runs away giggling, lol(just a little more discreatly becouse of the kids). she still drives me nuts, and i make sure she know's it! that's number 1 in my opinion! make sure she know's that she's the love of your life! there's a reason why you hooked up to begin with, most likely a physical one...make sure she know's she's still got "it"! there is no way i could give you a full answer in this thread bro...just dont get old!

[McKenzie]

TweetTry to focus on things you both have in common. Once you start having separate interests, things may get rocky. Dont let things get in the way of your feelings, such as money/financial issues, sex, etc. Share, trust, and communicate.

**My longest relationship was almost 9 yrs. I can get bored with a man/relationship in 3-5 yrs if he doesnt hold my interest well**

[kite]

Tweet

i've been with the same woman for 15, almost 16 years. we've had our ups and downs. no matter what, we talked every fight through to the end (many late night shouting matches!!) she's been convinced at different time's of our relationship, that i was cheating. i never, EVER cheated, but you couldnt tell her that (she's italion, you know how passionate, and pig headed they are!). i never got so p.o.'ed at an acusation that i ran (or left) my house. i've never slept on a couch. i would insist that we talk it out!! no easy way out. no running! and i'd tell her that if she tried to leave.
when the fights came, there was always another reason for them. maybe i wasnt attentive enough. i listened to her feelings, and made her discuss them. then, try to read between the lines.
the biggest thing that we've both done, is refused to grow up! we dont get "too old". i still chase her around the house, grabing at her butt, and she still runs away giggling, lol(just a little more discreatly becouse of the kids). she still drives me nuts, and i make sure she know's it! that's number 1 in my opinion! make sure she know's that she's the love of your life! there's a reason why you hooked up to begin with, most likely a physical one...make sure she know's she's still got "it"! there is no way i could give you a full answer in this thread bro...just dont get old!

Very cool

[daved150]

Tweet

Try to focus on things you both have in common. Once you start having separate interests, things may get rocky. Dont let things get in the way of your feelings, such as money/financial issues, sex, etc. Share, trust, and communicate.

i would agree with this in most cases, but i dont think it's really that big of a deal. when i met my wife, i was a guitar player in a speed metal bad with earings and hair past my shoulders.(band was called "internal dismemberment!", cool huh?) she thaught metallica was "form" of paint! she was as redneck as they get! we had almost had nothing in common, but a very strong attraction for eachother. and we dove into the relationship head first! i'd say in that respect, she changed the most. she like's nickleback and metallica now. i agree with the money thing more than anything else. 15 minutes into our relationship, i told her, i will never fight about money!!! i dont care if we live in a paper box, as long as we're together. if you got a problem with that, let's get it out of the way now!
we have never fought about money! any time a little finance stress comes up, i remind her of that, plus the fact that we've always pulled through, and poof! no prob!
it's hard to give "keys" for a successful relationship bro...it was love at first sight! no and's, if's or but's about it. when i first met her, she was married. i jokingly told a buddy "i'm gonna marry that chick". he said "no way dude, she's married"..."yea, but is she happy"..lol... little did i know!

[Lily]

Tweet

the biggest thing that we've both done, is refused to grow up! we dont get "too old". i still chase her around the house, grabing at her butt, and she still runs away giggling, lol(just a little more discreatly becouse of the kids). she still drives me nuts, and i make sure she know's it! that's number 1 in my opinion! make sure she know's that she's the love of your life! there's a reason why you hooked up to begin with, most likely a physical one...make sure she know's she's still got "it"! there is no way i could give you a full answer in this thread bro...just dont get old!

Keep showing her!


Well after 16 yrs with my husband, we are splitting. I am not going into details here, but let's just say I want to be a "couple" not just good roommates! I want to be with someone that desires me and WANTS to be with me and share all the things couples are suppose to share.

So, to answer your question....i think you can not take the other for granted...ever....and I agree with Dave about talking and sharing and having fun as well as being there for each other when things get rough. Openness and honesty are important.

[T-Man007]

TweetCommunication, communication, communication! You can avoid a lot of fights if you communicate well. Then, you must compromise. Doing shit you don't want to do because it makes her happy. Also knows as sacrifice! Always remember this saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life!". You remember that and you will be good to go. Finally, you have compassion. Me romantic, do surprise dates, be spontaneous. That stuff goes a long long way with women. If you woman is expecting a simple night of eat at home and then watch TV and you surprise her with a night at a nice hotel with a nice dinner she will be good for a while. You have to do the things you did when you were courting her, that's what she fell in love with so don't stop doing it. Think back to all the effort you put into those first several dates, that's what you need to continue doing. You don't have to do it every single date but do it as often as you can.

I have spoken to several people who do marriage counsuling to get their insight on different things. I have found that when the topic of adultery comes up, every one of them says the same thing. None of them have ever had a single case where the women cheated and said she felt loved by her husband. 100% of the cases of the people I spoke with have never ever had a wife cheat who felt loved. Now, here's the tough part. DO NOT ASSUME YOUR WIFE IS LOVED!!!!! Make sure she knows beyond any doubt you love her. And, just saying it, doesn't do the job for women. They need to 'feel' loved. That means you making a solid effort to do things that show how much you lover her. Making a big deal out of date night is good. Making a very big dealout of birthdays and anniversaries are good things. Planning a day with her without telling her about it is good. Doing things youknow shewould want to do that you don't want to do is good. For instance, grocery shopping, I hate it. But, my wife loves when I go with her. Don't ask why, it's just one of those things. So, I make it a point to go with her from time to time and she just keeps telling me how much she appreciated me going. Doing the little things more often is much better than doing a few big things.

Good luck!

[supasaiyan99]

TweetGood advice T-man and Dave!

Sorry to hear about your situation Lily!!!

[T-Man007]

Tweet

Keep showing her!


Well after 16 yrs with my husband, we are splitting. I am not going into details here, but let's just say I want to be a "couple" not just good roommates! I want to be with someone that desires me and WANTS to be with me and share all the things couples are suppose to share.

So, to answer your question....i think you can not take the other for granted...ever....and I agree with Dave about talking and sharing and having fun as well as being there for each other when things get rough. Openness and honesty are important.

Oooo, that's bad! My wife told me once 'I feel like we are roommates' and I had my butt in marriage counselling in less than a week. No way do I ever want to hear that again. That was a clear sign to me that I was failing as a husband and I refuse to fail at anything. The last counselor I met with took me and told me how to approach my responsibility as a husband from a Biblical perspective. That was a real blow right there. Because I wasn't doing anything right. Now, I probably get it right about 60% of the time, but that's much better than 0% of the time. I doubt I will ever get it right even 90% of the time but if I make a conscience effort to get it right she notices.

[McKenzie]

Tweet

i would agree with this in most cases, but i dont think it's really that big of a deal. when i met my wife, i was a guitar player in a speed metal bad with earings and hair past my shoulders.(band was called "internal dismemberment!", cool huh?) she thaught metallica was "form" of paint! she was as redneck as they get! we had almost had nothing in common, but a very strong attraction for eachother. and we dove into the relationship head first! i'd say in that respect, she changed the most. she like's nickleback and metallica now. i agree with the money thing more than anything else. 15 minutes into our relationship, i told her, i will never fight about money!!! i dont care if we live in a paper box, as long as we're together. if you got a problem with that, let's get it out of the way now!
we have never fought about money! any time a little finance stress comes up, i remind her of that, plus the fact that we've always pulled through, and poof! no prob!
it's hard to give "keys" for a successful relationship bro...it was love at first sight! no and's, if's or but's about it. when i first met her, she was married. i jokingly told a buddy "i'm gonna marry that chick". he said "no way dude, she's married"..."yea, but is she happy"..lol... little did i know!

Your love is one in a million Dave....i'm glad that you two can make it work after all those years. BUT it doesnt always turn out so. Things in life make people change....react differently....make them bitter, regret, lack respect for each other. You also have other things to consider such as responsibilities, financial debt. We built a $500,000 house on the beach, $30,000 boat, 3 vehicles....he worked as a riot squad trainer for a maximum security prison and was on call 24/7 like I am basically as a labor n delivery nurse. We grew apart due to our careers....we were drained emotionally and financially. I had to get out as he didnt respect me anymore as a person.....it was no longer a lover partnership but a business partnership as to who was gonna pull in the most money to pay the bills. I didnt know how to get back to where I was "in love". I gave up. I'm sure I have a lot to learn in life still.

Lily....I'm sorry to hear you two are separating....especially when children (your son) are involved. I know you feel an enormous responsibility to him and worry how this will effect him....but mostly much happiness to Lily

[daved150]

Tweeti'm sorry to here that lily. and, i'm sorry for your divorce mkc! maybe it just seems that it comes easy for us, although, at times it hasnt seemed that easy. thats why i stated that it was hard to answer this question...i know, people can change. bottom line, you and your partner gotta want it to work. you both gotta make it work. we've had prob's. i, at times, have been an ass (no...really! i know, it's hard to believe!) but, i'm very vocal, where she is not. so, if i sence a problem, i want it out now! no jackin around, lets go! and never, ever be affraid to admit your wrong! i've said i'm sorry a million times, damn, i've even said i'm sorry for saying i'm sorry too much! and she has also...you both gotta want it to work!

[DJDIGGLER]

TweetGreat advice Daved and Tmann! You both worded that excellently!

Lilly and MCK sorry to hear of your misfortune. Don't give up you'll find the right person out there. But make sure you find yourself first. So many relationships fail because people forget who they are or were, so their partner loses that bond they had. Stay true to who you are and your love will stay strong!

[mick-G]

TweetI would have to say trust is one of the most important things, as well as communication. I don't have the most conventional marriages. This might sound chauvinistic, but when i get into a relationship "I" am in charge not visa/versa. Thats the way i like it. Don't get me wrong, my woman can do anything she wants and get anything she wants, but when it comes to major decisions i am the controling factor. Sure we discuss what to do if there is something that needs to be addressed, and i will ask her for her opinion, but when it comes to major financial decisions iam taking care of it. I have found in alot of marriages too many men are panty waists and agree w/the everything is 50/50 thing, lol what a joke. Yes, we are partners in marriage, but iam not going to ask or get approval for everything i do. I see alot of marriages that the man has to basically ask for everything and then the wife has to get involved on every issue. Maybe if there are two ppl in a relationship and the jobs are interfering with the marriage, then maybe the wife should cut her hrs or do something about it. Yes, if she is the bread winner that is a dif story, but when you have two ppl with controling careers then you will have problems. You and your future wife should discuss these issues b4 getting married. If your future mate is controling and you are independant, then perhaps you should seek someone that fits your character more, as it will not change and ppl can not really change their character for someone else. Like i said, iam not a chauvinistic, and she knew how i was b4 we married and everything is great, and don't make an assumption that maybe my wife is like the dumb blonde type...not at all. She had a job teaching and even after we were married, but i told her if she doesn't want to work it is no prob w/me and there will be no scarifice for her. My wife has no needs and can have anything she wants. Her checkbook is larger than most ppls entire savings, so she doesnt what for anything. I provide for her a lifestyle that many women would only hope for. Iam not bragging, even tho it may sound like it, but i just think alot of women what too much control, when they really don't know what in hell they really want. I would not have made it where iam today if i had to ask everytime i wanted to do something, lol! Oh, and to your question Diggi...just remember 2 words..."Yes honey".