Marc Bartley, LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday-
Been feelin' run down for awhile now, maybe I am just depressed like a little bit ch. Anyhow, this was the first day I had felt decent in sometime. Pulled with the dudes, they suited up, I went raw. It started out good and I did 515x2x3 and then 565x3.Things still felt good so up to 605x3 I went. Allright, up to 665x1 and it was nice and pretty easy so on to 715. Fu cked this up completely so I sat there for a moment, thought I should call it here. I was tired in my head but a little devil bastard jumped on my shoulder and called me a pu ssy. I told him to fu ck off but he kept jeering at me and callin' me names till I thought maybe if I clean it up and actually pick my head up this time it will go, so I go for it. I swear I hear some snickering somewhere, little devil bastard.

I set it up nice. Spread my legs out from the hips like I preach about, keep my toes pointed out along the bar, get a nice grip and pull away. The bar comes up good,everyone starts to cheer as I get over my knees and then BAM. I suddenly feel like there is a grand on my back while I am pullin' this crappy 715. A huge roll and pop permeate(Ass Tsunami) my ham/glute tie and I drop the bar and grab my ass and the nearest wall. Yes, I have blown the lower ass cheek.I hear that little devil bastard laughing in another dimension saying,"I got him again" I think he has one of those Staple's Reb Button that he keeps pushing as ne is laughin' and it says, "That was Easy".

I am really depressed now, but I also think about how fat I am and I need to push to the Prowler. So I load it up with a blown ass cheek and commence around the building. I can't push off too well with the left leg but I am stupid so the right leg is doing 90% of the work as I go. The Prowler is sliding very hard to the left and I look like a baby just learning to walk. I get half way around the building and of course like a baby I have to poop.I don't have my diaper on so now I am clenching the ass cheek to hold the turtle heads back and I am only half way around the gym!! I make it ,underwear intact and turtle heads held at bay, back to the gym. I don't know if you tried to not crap yourself and do cardio at the same time but it ain't easy and there is nothing worse then being in a public restroom out of breath and trying to do Number 2. Needless to say, very few ventured in the bathroom as I Chernobyled the can and took every bit of oxygen with it.

MOnday-
Still very depressed but had to do some work. I didn't think I would be able to lay on thebench with my blown ass cheek. I had to sit on a ice bag all weekend so my corn hole and taint stayed frozen for two days. Anyhow, I gave it a run because I can't let that little devil bastard beat me at anything. It went allright, worked up to 545 off a three board for three.They were slow and slightly painful but successful.

Fat bastard had shown up earlier and trained. What a fiasco. He needs my little bastard devil on his shoulder calling him a pu ssy and pressing that fu ckin' Staple's button. He still won't train with the crew and learn his shirt or how to bench period. I am holding a bench press contest at the end of April and he is trying to get ready for it but as you can guess, he sucked ass AGAIN! I watch some because it is always entertaining. He works his way up and does 495x6-8 raw. This is decent but not for a 460lb fat bastard. He tries 585 with a couple of slaps to the Sharpie Dog head. It pops off good but he dies on the way up. He is saved by his shaved arm cabana boy who adds a extra pair of hands to the situation while yelling, "You got it, it's all you." Next, it's shirt and board time. He goes straght to 7 something. Same result, shaved arm Cabana boy saves him and exhaults,"I didn't help you at all,it was all you!" On to 745, this time Fat Bastard barely gets it off the board. SACB can't save him this time. This is the end of training for the day. I don't go over to where they were training for about a hour as I have to finish training a client so him and his crew are done and hangin' out. I go over to talk witht he crew and get started and it's a disaster area. It looks like they dumped the whole chalk bowl on the floor. I yell at them,Fat bastard swears Cabana boy mopped the floor. It looks like a jet black roof where 50 pigeons have just **** all over the place. I just don't know how Shaved arm Cabana Boy and Fat bastard can make such a mess. I guess from now on I will have to be the "Chalk ****" as in Seinfeld, "NO CHALK FOR YOU"