Give your psychiatrist a diagnosis of his own: Six disorders to choose from

NaturalNews) Given the controversy over the legitimacy of the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM) used for psychiatric diagnosis, I thought I'd clear things up by submitting the following revisions. These carefully considered and researched new labels should do the trick, as they are intended to make the DSM more balanced by offering the patient an opportunity to diagnose the doctor.

If you are a doctor and are offended by these proposed DSM additions, then they certainly apply to you. If you are a patient or concerned citizen and are ready to bust one of these onto an unsuspecting doc, you can follow it with the remedy at the end of this article. Here are my six proposed additions to the DSM (others are being researched).


CRD: Compassion repression disorder
Symptoms: When the doc is in the presence of human suffering, he pretends nothing is happening. He could be watching a chess match for all we know. When a patient reaches emotional extremes (as in extraordinarily depressed) he realizes it is time to initiate electro-convulsive therapy and send electric shocks through her brain, possibly wiping out much of her memory. The doc is fine with this and proceeds to go out for a sandwich.


GNTFY: Got no time for you syndrome
Symptoms: Due to concerns about making his yacht payment and country club dues, the doc obsessively packs in 4-5 patients every hour. When you ask a question that takes more than 7.5 seconds to answer, the doc quickly regurgitates several medical terms, hands you a brochure and dashes for the door.


PCSD: Pervasive communication skills disorder
Symptoms: When the doc holds sensitive information and needs to break the news to the patient, he hits the patient over the head with it in the most dismissive way possible. If the patient has cancer, for example, the doctor might say, "You have cancer. We can't operate. You are going to die. The exit is to your left just down the hall."

In less severe cases, such as delivering inconclusive test results (most likely from inadequate testing methods or not knowing what to look for) to a patient who had hopes of finding the cause of a symptom, the doctor takes a more compassionate route, such as, "The results are negative. I guess it really is all in your head."


IAGS: I am God syndrome (also known as "power trip simplex")
Symptoms: The doc behaves as if he were all-powerful and all-knowing. When confronted with the truth that he is just guessing most of the time and that there are a variety of effective, alternative ways to heal from mental and emotional issues, he recoils in righteous indignation.


CPWD: Compulsive prescription writing disorder
Symptoms: Due to repressed feelings of inadequacy and improper toilet training methods used by his parents, the poor doctor compensates by compulsively reaching for the prescription pad every time he hears a symptom. He can't tolerate messes and when patients lives are a bit messy, he has to clean it up as quickly as possible.


BPDD: Big pharma dependency disorder
Symptoms: The doc displays little or no ability to actually help people and has no interest human nature anyway, so he is 100% (one HUNDRED percent) dependent upon the pharmaceutical industry to tell him what to do with his patients. Aside from studying which medication matches which symptoms (as can be discerned in 12 minutes or less) the doctor has no other skills. Poor communication skills. No compassion. Little interest in the emotional causes of problems. No taste for nutrition therapy. Nothing!

There really isn't much there, folks. This guy is a pill-pusher and that's about it! I guess we should show some compassion of our own. After all, once the doc gets a little taste of how easy and lucrative it is to prescribe a pill, he gets sucked right in. Before you know it, he is hooked on the easy money.

He doesn't have a medical practice that seeks to solve deep problems at the heart of the human condition. He isn't connecting with people in their suffering and helping them work out their emotional problems. He is no teacher or mentor. He is a pill pusher caught up in the drug cartel's deadly game.

Worst of all, now it is too late. You see, he's got overhead. Bills! Actually helping people takes time he no longer has. You have to get to know people. You need to contemplate their circumstance in life. You can't do it in 15 minutes. You can see one patient per hour at most. There goes that $600,000 annual income. You'd have to cut back to a mere $150,000 annually, or something close to it. So, yeah, it's tough for these guys.