I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. You can only stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes and after that you'd better have a big pecker or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think your finished.

I've learned that we are all responsible for what we do, unless you are a celebrity.

I've learned that 99% of the time something in your house doesn't work, your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in your life are taken from you too soon, all the less important ones never go away.