TweetAnother humerous anecdote from my old friend Wardog.

Well, this weekend I have my daughter, and she wanted to go to the pool. Being the good Daddy I am, I took my dear 12 year old in her first *growls* bikini. After hanging with her a while, I was quickly ditched by her when some of her friends showed up, so I had plenty of time to people watch. Based on this, I have some ideas that others should follow in a public pool.

#1 Ladies, when you arrive with shorts and a tank top over your bikini, PLEASE..remove it slowly. This makes my day watching you strip down..rushing it ruins all my fun..so in the future, kindly keep me in mind when sliding those shorts down your fine legs.

#2 If you are a fat woman, PLEASE stick to one piece suits..thats just plain nasty.

#3 Young girls..you should be ASHAMED of yourselves. You are 17-20 and the women with 3 kids look better than you in many cases. Thise bikinis that you wear that are hip huggers..look terrible when you own fat hips. What is with all the teenagers with their fat hips and guts?? You should be in the best shape of your life at that age..and you look awful!!

#4 To the absolutely gorgeous woman sitting on the corner of the pool. You were very entertaining, sitting with your legs open at the corner of the pool. I was admiriing your full lips, your wonderful figure, and your great legs. Then you go and RUIN it by screaming across the pool "Get your fu*king a*ses back in the shallow end NOW!" Just so you ladies know, unless it is in the bedroom, there is nothing worse than a foul mouth on a beautiful woman.

#5 To the fat teenage girls checking me out. Do you REALLY think that someone who denys himself of many of lifes pleasures when it comes to food, tortures himself under sick amounts of weight, and takes pills by the handfull to look like this..is interested in ANY WAY in your twinkee eating, swimsuit swelling saggy breasted body? Letting yourself look that bad..is a disgrace. I realize fat girls need loving too..but find someone else to give it to you!

#6 To the "could be breathtaking" woman sitting next to me. You have a beautiful face, peaches and cream skin, and a frame that could be a complete knockout!! Instead, you have allowed your a*s to swell and your thighs to get those nasty "hammer marks" on them. I ask you WHY? Drop 15-20 pounds, tone up a touch, and you will turn every guys head there. You have so much potential..can't you see it?? Such a waste...it bothered me.

#7 To the skinny highlighted hair wanna be stud. Bro, you have a great tan, but NO muscles. Stop strutting around with extended lat syndrome. Go hit the gym hard, and perhaps in a year or two..you will actually have the build that you imagine you do. By the way, yes..the female lifeguards WERE laughing at you.

#8 To the long haired 120 pound guy with the 250+ plus girlfriend. Bro..stop making out with her all the time. I realize your trying to show us she is yours..but trust me..none of us want her...she is ALLLLLLLLL yours.

#9 To the woman with 3 kids in her late 30's who has a beautiful tan and gorgeous muscle tone. You go girl!! You looked better than every teen there..and you have had 3 kids. You should be the poster girl for women who have let themselves go under the excuse of "Well I have had 2 kids". You certainly impressed and inspired me. May the woman I one day marry look just half as good as you at your age.

#10 To the fat guys wearing those small swimtrunks..DO YOU OWN A MIRROR? You look like a "Body by budwiser" poster..and you should NEVER be wearing something like that...you also..are a disgrace, and probably the types of guys who comment when your skinny wives gain 2 pounds.

FINALLY To the 14-17 year old boys hitting on my daughter. I was young once too..I know those "swim by and brush against" tricks you play. And yes, that large man over there IS her father. The one giving you the dirty look. I suggest you watch out, because during the lifeguard switch, I will go swimming, and when I accidentally pin your throat against the pool bottom with my foot..there will be no one to save you. Just remember..you have a whole life ahead of you. There are many other girls out there..now go find one.

Needless to say, I enjoyed my trip to the pool today

Tweetmade me laugh hard!