Hilarious Airline Crew Announcements

[3Vandoo]

TweetHilarious Airline Crew Announcements



All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight

"safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

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"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to

leave the aircraft."

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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Auckland, a lone voice

came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella, WHOA!"

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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Adelaide, a

flight attendant on a Qantas flight announced, "Please take care when

opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,

sure as HELL everything has shifted."

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From a Qantas employee: "Welcome aboard Qantas Flight XXX to YYY. To

operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull

tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know

how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public

unsupervised."

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"Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but

we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,

nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines."

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"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the

overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before

assisting children ... or other adults acting like children."

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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We

ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the

terminal."

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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered

his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which

required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers

exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying United."He said that,

in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers

in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally

everyone had got off, except for an old lady walking with a cane. She

said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no, ma'am," said the

pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we

shot down?"

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A plane was taking off from Mascot Airport. After it reached a

comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the

intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome

to Flight Number XYZ, non-stop from Sydney to Auckland. The weather

ahead is good and, therefore, we should have smooth and uneventful

flight. Now sit back and relax--S%%%! ARGHHH! OH, MY GOD!" Silence

followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom

and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier,

but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of

coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of

my pants!"

A passenger in Economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of

mine!"

[Luftdude]

TweetLmao

[Morgan]

Tweet3Vandoo - good ones. I like the old lady one "did we land or were we shot down".