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Originally Posted by irish_2003

i usually take weekends of to rest, get extra sleep, and grow...i'm kinda in a funk emotionally right now and visualizing ending it all...too much time to think about life and stuff...other than work, gym, boards, i have no more life...no true friends...i don't want anything more from life except to experience the one true emotion i've never felt my entire life...i wanna know what it feels like to be truly loved...i know people like me and are interested in me and my life, but that's not the same thing...if i were to take a several day hiatus or disappear from everyone and everything who would really care that's in my life? they'd be more worried about how it affected them instead of the reasons i left and how i felt...the only thing stopping me from ending it is that i don't know what happens on the flipside and that frightens me more than living, but not by much...

so, all that said...i might start doing really lazy cardio on the weekends...not trying to burn calories...just trying to burn and occupy myself and time so i'm not thinking so much...

This happens to many on clomid brother.Don't feel bad.Let me give you a big internet hug!!! LOL

Hey brother,you know there are times in life when you need to be alone.Times when the drama that many times comes with being around a lot of "friends" is too much.Nothing wrong with spending alone time my friend.You can't let that get you down.Don't let those thoughts overpower you.What you have to do is focus on why this is good and not bad.Focus on the good things that are going on in your life right now and forget whatever bad there may be.Also,many times the "bad" is not really that bad at all so look to the good in that itself.Logically think of what is depressing you and think of what is really good about it.

The clomid depression happens to many and it,like any time you let depression get to you, can really take over your thoughts and make you think of what things are so bad when they really are not.You just have to re-aasuring yourself with positive thoughts and why things are the way they are right now for a reason.

Hang in there brother,things will clear up mentally and you'll be back on track in not time.You're not alone.Hell you see how much im on the boards.LOL.Thats not a bad thing,its good to take a break from the stress of real life and talk with your online family.Spend some time in the XXX forum brother,that'll get your mind on GOOD things.LOL

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Originally Posted by irish_2003

i usually take weekends of to rest, get extra sleep, and grow...i'm kinda in a funk emotionally right now and visualizing ending it all...too much time to think about life and stuff...other than work, gym, boards, i have no more life...no true friends...i don't want anything more from life except to experience the one true emotion i've never felt my entire life...i wanna know what it feels like to be truly loved...i know people like me and are interested in me and my life, but that's not the same thing...if i were to take a several day hiatus or disappear from everyone and everything who would really care that's in my life? they'd be more worried about how it affected them instead of the reasons i left and how i felt...the only thing stopping me from ending it is that i don't know what happens on the flipside and that frightens me more than living, but not by much...

so, all that said...i might start doing really lazy cardio on the weekends...not trying to burn calories...just trying to burn and occupy myself and time so i'm not thinking so much...

Irish, you are doing so well! Don't give up! Do you love yourself and who you are? Start focusing on the good you have done in yourlife and stop beating yourself up about things that you may regret. You know you can't change the past but you can control who you are and what you become. Maybe volunteer somewhere where you can give your time and help others and that will really make you feel good. Even if it is only a couple hours of your time a week. Hospitals are a great place to do this, and as a volunteer, you can usually pick the area that you would like to work in. Another idea is if you like animals, you can volunteer at a shelter. This would be a great way to use some of your idle time on the weekends. You never know what doors you may open for yourself doing this and the people who may meet also

TweetOh and one more thing, I don't believe this is just "clomid depression". There are much deeper things going on with you as you have talked about in the past