TweetAlot of people weather they are male or female are afraid to cry. But why? Are you afraid to cry?
Crying is a natural way of releasing emotions from our bodies.
Those, for whom crying comes easily, often remark about how much better they feel after a good cry.
But for many, there is much fear associated with appearing vulnerable and letting go.
Shame about being seen to cry.
Or maybe a life time of suppressed tears that just will not come.
Let's face it - babies cry.
Our toddlers howl, storm, rage and tantrum.
Our children weep, sob or wail.
But are we, as parents, as adults, able to avail ourselves of this amazing, natural, available system of stress relief or has it been conditioned out of us?
Can you, and do you cry?
Releasing Emotions - Big Boys Just Don't Cry
We all know about 'big boys don't cry', or, 'come on, you're too big to cry!'
We've all caught ourselves saying, 'stop crying', or 'don't cry', or 'that's enough now!'
So many of our males have been indoctrinated with this catch cry, sadly, from when they were just little fellows too.
Many females have also received this same childhood conditioning too. If expressing feelings was contrary to your family's way, male or female, you will have learned to store up your tears.
Crying is not a weakness; it's a natural, inbuilt, human response to sorrow, pain, fear, anger, shame, grief, despair, depression and sadness.
It's also a built in response to joy, feeling deeply touched or moved, feeling loved, being awed, feeling overwhelmed, and experiencing tenderness.
The strongest males I know are definitely the ones who are able to cry when they need to.
Many people have told me that they find it far easier to respond to gentleness with tears, than they do to stressful events in their lives.
Releasing Emotions - Too Scared to Cry!
Both males and females often tell me that they are too scared to cry. When I ask why, most immediately reply, because I'm afraid I'll never stop!
My response is to encourage the person to let go and cry because usually nature takes care of that.
At some stage during the tears, we all need to get a drink, find a tissue, go to the bathroom, or just stop through sheer emotional exhaustion.
If we just trust in the process of crying for release, and really allow ourselves to express our pain, fear, discomfort, hurt, rejection or whatever is behind our tears, we find that our bodies just seem to know when enough tears have been shed.
Releasing Emotions - Afraid to Feel.
I suggest it is not crying itself that people are afraid of, it is getting in touch with the feelings themselves that we fear. And yet, time and time again, people have told me that the most amazing things happen when, during times of stress, they allow themselves to really feel their feelings.
Releasing Emotions - Chemical Release
Release, relief, and relaxation occur. The flood of tears is cleansing, freeing, opening and relieving. Tears contain different amounts of chemical protein and hormones and releasing these may keep depression at bay and serve the purpose of restoring the body's chemical balance after a stressful event has occurred.
I believe we need to make the most of releasing emotions through crying, when the timing is right for us.
When we understand just how well this amazing function releases tension from within us, perhaps, as parents, we will be more able to allow our children's natural tears, and be less inclined to smother them, brush them away, shorten their flow, shut them up, or make them feel ashamed.
Crying During Counselling
During a very difficult counselling session, I put my arms around a woman and pulled her head down to my shoulder, murmuring soothing words to her. She began to cry, and then continued to sob without ceasing for almost an hour while I held her.
Several days later, she rang to tell me that for the first time in years, she was now sleeping steadily though the night, felt more capable and aware, less exhausted and lighter within herself. For her, a miracle had occurred, and all she had needed was the permission, the time, the attention and the place. She often says that a really good cry now helps her to know her own truth.
Releasing Emotions Safely
If you know that this is what you need, find a safe place and give yourself permission to go for it. Wrap yourself up in a blanket, or cuddle a hot water bottle - climb into your bed or fill a hot bath, ask for a loved one to hold you, or be where you feel the most held, and then release your tears instead of bottling them up.
You won't break down, crack up, or fall to pieces, but you may be broken open and rise renewed.
Feeling your feelings is a brave and courageous act and one that replenishes you, and brings you home to yourself.
Allow Your Child's Tears
Allow your children's tears to flow freely, before you hush them. Tell them you understand why they feel upset and that crying is the best way to heal that.
To Demonstrate:
I once saw a child fall heavily onto the concrete, only to be hauled up quickly by the mother and told, "Stop it, you're alright, you're not hurt".
Several days later, in almost the same spot, I watched another child fall. His mother knelt down, put her arms around him and said, "Yes, you've hurt yourself. Have a cry and then we'll see if there's a mark on your leg to show Dad what has happened."
Releasing Emotions - Pay Attention
As you pay attention to releasing emotions, acknowledging your feelings, accepting yourself, and then truly being yourself fully, you grow up emotionally and begin to achieve your full potential.
The run on effect means that your children will be encouraged to feel their feelings, rather than suppress them, and will become happier and emotionally healthy.