Tweet10 things she should see when she opens your closet:
10) Your 1984 Kathy Ireland Budweiser poster
9) Your stack of Hustler and Playboy books
8) Your 1986 parachute work out pants that you still secretly want to wear to the gym
7) a bottle of alcohol and several loose cotton balls on the floor
6) at least 3 pair of underware that have inexplicable dark stains on them that could range from A1 sauce to lemonade
5) An authentic "inflate a mate" doll
4) A half full pizza box from a pizzaria that went out of business 5 years earlier
3) A half empty bottle of Mad Dog
2) A list of "People I want bad things to happen to". Make sure the people on the list are names you got out of the newspaper in the obituaries over several months, just in case she decides to investigate
1) A pair of womens underware with a post it note reading "Only to be worn when the world makes me feel not pretty."