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> One Star Hangover (*)
> No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well
> However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way.
> For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
>
> Two Star Hangover (**)
> No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the
> mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing
> your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the
> 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon
> your bowels.
>
> Three Star Hangover (***)
> Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
> Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored
> schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better
> right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.
> You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke ---
> yet you haven't peed once.
>
> Four Star Hangover (****)
> Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
> might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given
> you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't
> hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies,
> it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes
> look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in
> perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day
> brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
>
> Five Star Hangover (*****)
> You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
> employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore
> and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your
> mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop
> fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is
> suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was
> passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire
> hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater' thrown in.
> The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all
> over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Indubitably
> Innovative
> Preliminary
> Proliferation
> Cinnamon
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Specificity
> British Constitution
> Passive-aggressive disorder
> Loquacious Transubstantiate
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
> Nope, no more booze for me
> Sorry, but you're not really my type
> Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
> Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
> No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well
> However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way.
> For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
>
> Two Star Hangover (**)
> No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the
> mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing
> your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the
> 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon
> your bowels.
>
> Three Star Hangover (***)
> Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
> Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored
> schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better
> right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.
> You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke ---
> yet you haven't peed once.
>
> Four Star Hangover (****)
> Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
> might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given
> you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't
> hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies,
> it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes
> look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in
> perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day
> brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
>
> Five Star Hangover (*****)
> You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
> employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore
> and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your
> mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop
> fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is
> suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was
> passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire
> hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater' thrown in.
> The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all
> over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Indubitably
> Innovative
> Preliminary
> Proliferation
> Cinnamon
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Specificity
> British Constitution
> Passive-aggressive disorder
> Loquacious Transubstantiate
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
> Nope, no more booze for me
> Sorry, but you're not really my type
> Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
> Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
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